Guest Joslyn Posted February 6, 2006 Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 Hello, my name is Joslyn and I lost my mother yesterday. She was diagnosed with advanced hemangiopericitoma (tumorous cancer) in August of 2002. She fought hard and went through hell and back more times that I know. Yesterday she lost her battle and is at home with God now.She was an alocholic for most of my life. She was in and out of rehab many many times. She got sober on March 23rd, 1996, I was 14. She went to jail and worked a program through a sober living home. I had a rocky relationship with my mom before she got sober and many times wished I didn't have a mom. Then it seemed that the sun had finally risen and I had a real mom. She attended my performances and supported me in my endeavors.I had just made a significant decision in my life to follow my boyfriend (who became my husband) to Arizona to finish up my education, when she called me my first week out there to tell me she had cancer. 9 years previous she had a hysterectomy due to a cantelope size tumor near her uterus and ovaries. They removed it and pronounced it benign. In 2002 we discovered that it wasn't benign, it was a type of cancer the medical world was just discovering.She went through a dozen different types of chemo. Some made her violently ill, others made her loose her hair (a feature she really loved about herself), some seemed not to affect her at all. She suffered from a build up of acieties fluid around the tumors which caused her abdomen to swell tremendously. She had a drainage tube implated so that she could relieve the fluid build up at home and as often as she wanted. She became the "poster child" for the proceedure and the doctors were astounded that she lived with it succesfully for more than 2 years.I pause and have to remember that she's gone. I'm 17 days away from being 24, and I feel like I should be nearing the end of my life too. I got married 30 days ago. My husband is an unending source of comfort but never like she was. My step dad is an amazing man who cared so deeply for her! I will always be grateful for his compassion and sacrifices that enabled her to live out the remainder of her life at home.She was such a strong woman. Just last Tuesday, Jan. 31st, she was at work. She refused to waste away in a bed.I feel... ... well, nothing, and everything all at the same time. I can't sleep, I have very little interest in food (which is odd, I love food), I even sometimes catch myself not breathing and have to force myself to take a deep breath. I know I have my whole life ahead of me, but it looks so empty without her to share in my successes with me. She will never see my children (if I have any). She won't be there for midnight feedings and diaper rash.I am selfish for wanting her back, but damn it it just hurts so much. I had my mother fo 10 years. It was a brief glimpse at one of God's angels. She has gone home, and I will miss her with every breath my body takes. I will miss her with every step I take into a new day.I can't sleep, but I don't want to move. I just sit and stare.This is probably the longest post ever, but I had to get it out... again.Joslyn"I love you forever. I like you for always. As long as I'm living, your baby[girl] I'll be." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now