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Janka, I went through it too only with my dad it was heart trouble, he was on oxygen, he looked 80 instead of 62...I was 29 and pregnant with my first child.

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50 minutes ago, kayc said:

Janka, I went through it too only with my dad it was heart trouble, he was on oxygen, he looked 80 instead of 62...I was 29 and pregnant with my first child.

My dear Kay,

there are so many worries what we all have to go through in this life that we still remain in...so much undescribable pain that we must be wearing with too...heavy backpack that gets more toilsome each day coming up...My father was only 57 y.o. then.After he died I couldn´t cry because of many things I had suffered for in such unhappy marriage as he and my mother had.His eyes were asking me for the forgiveness and I forgave him.Later I cried for him because of my mother who treated me as well as him before.Then I saw and understood how unhappy he was by her side.I´m a religious person,however can´t understand those parents who stay together just because of their children,though they suffer for their unhappy marriage all the life as well as myself.My mother doesn´t care for me as you know.If I had any children,I couldn´t treat them the way she does.I forgave her too.My beloved man Jan always was,still is and will forever be my angel.I´ve never met someone like himself in my whole life.I´m sure that he must be in the heaven now,waiting for me to come one day too.

I love him and miss him above all...

I Miss You

Janka

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Janka, I am a firm believer that everything we go through in life shapes and molds us into who we are.  Some people use these hard places in their lives as an excuse to not do well themselves.  For the rest of us, I believe it is these hard places that makes us more caring and multi-faceted...not unlike a diamond in the rough being cut into a beautiful gemstone.

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Kay, I think sometimes people do get hit with more than they can bear.  Humans have an amazing survival force but that can be broken and we can't know the weight of what they tried to carry.  But I have seen some people that have emerged from extraordinary circumstances that make me marvel.  Certainly this time has uncovered more empathy in myself than I ever knew existed.  I also have times I have no tolerance for anything or anyone.  It's such a conflicting time when we see so ultimately tested.  

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4 hours ago, kayc said:

Janka, I am a firm believer that everything we go through in life shapes and molds us into who we are.  Some people use these hard places in their lives as an excuse to not do well themselves.  For the rest of us, I believe it is these hard places that makes us more caring and multi-faceted...not unlike a diamond in the rough being cut into a beautiful gemstone.

Kay, that is very true....and the same thought can apply to other aspects of our lives, as well.  I'd only known abuse, and coldness from a man (my ex, I divorced after 30 years).  Connor had been in a hellish marriage, in which he was emotionally and psychologically abused for years, before divorcing. We'd each become hermits, after our marriages ended, in a way.  But when we found one another(online, believe it or not!),,,,,wow. Instant recognition....we knew we were "meant"....and totally thrilled to be together, we were giddy with it for the years we shared!  Our bad experiences, I believe, made us much more understanding, caring, and appreciative of what we had together, because we had been through so much before. Each of us could've let our bad experience of marriage make us bitter, and never allow us to love again.

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40 minutes ago, TH said:

Janka - I am so sorry you had to go through that... It's so painful to watch someone like that. I wasn't there right at the end, but two days before, things were so bad. It was terrifying. And whenever R opened his eyes, sat up, smiled, I felt so lucky for another moment. He was on oxygen constantly as a way of life at that point, and I will never forget the desperation I felt wanting him to keep breathing. I can only hope breaths come easy to him now.

Shocked

Dear TH,

I´m so sorry for everything you´ve been going through!I feel a little bit of comfort knowing that my beloved man Jan died in sleep.It´s so terrifying to think about what will bring myself to an end one day.It´s better to do not know.

Hugs from Janka

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2 hours ago, TH said:

. I can only hope breaths come easy to him 

Dear TH, I'm sure they are breathing, running, laughing, walking and swiming, because they are free now. I saw my boyfriend finally released from his pain and his phisical limitations in my dream and I am sure this is how his spiritual life is. 

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14 hours ago, TH said:

It's hard, but I try to think of how he believed in me, and be that better, kinder person he taught me to be.

Dear TH

Yes, it is VERY hard.....but I truly believe that this is one of the very best ways for us to honor the ones we've lost....I think that is precisely what they'd want for us, as well.  If they saw the good in us, and helped us discover it for ourselves, nurtured it, and celebrated it......it seems a disrespect to them if we turn our backs on that "new self" we'd become with them.

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