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Music expressing my grief.


Guest Janka

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Oh, how Connor and I both loved music!!!!  I know this sounds weird, but, I can't listen to music now.....just can't.  We used music, early on....to communicate with one another.....would send each songs that gave a voice to how we felt for the other....and always listened to music together.  He also sang well, and loved taking part in karaoke.....if I hear any of this music now......I lose it.  And music has been a huge part of me my whole life.....the joy in that is also gone, now.

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17 minutes ago, WolfsKat said:

Oh, how Connor and I both loved music!!!!  I know this sounds weird, but, I can't listen to music now.....just can't.  We used music, early on....to communicate with one another.....would send each songs that gave a voice to how we felt for the other....and always listened to music together.  He also sang well, and loved taking part in karaoke.....if I hear any of this music now......I lose it.  And music has been a huge part of me my whole life.....the joy in that is also gone, now.

I´m so sorry,Kat.

Valentine artist

Janka

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This song by Mannheim Steamroller was one of Deedo's favorites.  Anytime she heard me play it she would come and sweep me off my feet.  I think it was the title as well as the music.  I love the sax in this piece.

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I wish I could listen to music.  Steve being a musician, the house was always full of it.  Especially when his buddies came by to jam or record.  The songs that are special to me I haven't listened to in over a year.  Just can't do it especially if he recorded them.  I've downloaded new things I have heard I like that put music to my thoughts.  But they become an open door to the grief too.  Can watch bands on late night shows that aren't my cup of tea.  But if one comes along I know he would have liked, it tears me up.  Such a primal thing music is.  I miss it.  Hope to have it back my life at some point.

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35 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

I wish I could listen to music.  Steve being a musician, the house was always full of it.  Especially when his buddies came by to jam or record.  The songs that are special to me I haven't listened to in over a year.  Just can't do it especially if he recorded them.  I've downloaded new things I have heard I like that put music to my thoughts.  But they become an open door to the grief too.  Can watch bands on late night shows that aren't my cup of tea.  But if one comes along I know he would have liked, it tears me up.  Such a primal thing music is.  I miss it.  Hope to have it back my life at some point.

My dear Gwen,

it takes a lof of time.It´s been 4 years for me now and I still can´t play the piano that my beloved Jan had bought me then.I´ve tried a few times,but it has made me cry by now.I stopped playing after he had died.I do it very rarely to make my beloved Jan happy.It hurts because I had been studying the singing and the piano too and now I have a blockade.Time doesn´t help much,just a little bit.I do it just for my beloved Jan,because he spent hours sitting near me,seeing me playing,smiling all the time.It hurts more than it seems.

Janka

sad.gif

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Janka, the worst are songs from our 37 year history.  That is a lot of time to cover.  Many are 'oldies' now, but they still emerge in movies or radio stations that play past hits.  Songs he recorded are definitely out to listen to.  His voice was one of the things that drew me to him when I first saw him on stage.  That and he was gorgeous.  :rolleyes:  I have his music archived and the special CD he made me with all the favorite songs.  I've tried a couple of times to listen, but am not there yet.  It's tough enough I can hear his voice in my head when I do things and know what he would say or make up a little ditty to.  He used to pop his head into the shower and sing me something.  He had songs he sang the dogs.  So my world isn't silent, per se.  I don't know how you do it with the piano, but you are time ahead of me.  That gives me hope.  Thank you, shining star!

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2 hours ago, Brad said:

 

This song by Mannheim Steamroller was one of Deedo's favorites.  Anytime she heard me play it she would come and sweep me off my feet.  I think it was the title as well as the music.  I love the sax in this piece.

Brad,

thank you for sharing this lovely piece of music!

Janka

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On ‎5‎.‎1‎.‎2016 at 11:32 PM, Gwenivere said:

Janka, the worst are songs from our 37 year history.  That is a lot of time to cover.  Many are 'oldies' now, but they still emerge in movies or radio stations that play past hits.  Songs he recorded are definitely out to listen to.  His voice was one of the things that drew me to him when I first saw him on stage.  That and he was gorgeous.  :rolleyes:  I have his music archived and the special CD he made me with all the favorite songs.  I've tried a couple of times to listen, but am not there yet.  It's tough enough I can hear his voice in my head when I do things and know what he would say or make up a little ditty to.  He used to pop his head into the shower and sing me something.  He had songs he sang the dogs.  So my world isn't silent, per se.  I don't know how you do it with the piano, but you are time ahead of me.  That gives me hope.  Thank you, shining star!

My dear Gwen,

it took me 14 months when I was able to play the piano for my beloved Jan.Till then I couldn´t even touch it.In the 24th of January 2013 it was the first time since my beloved man had died.Later I tried to play once again.It was 11 months after.Exactly in the 26th of December 2013.It was always shortly as it has terribly hurt.Thus I could go on counting as I wrote it down always in my calendar.Every calendar with my daily activities since 2011 I shelter as a treasure by now.I must find a place for them as well as for the other things of my beloved one.I keep covering the hair of my beloved man Jan behind the lens of the little casette where it´s protected against air outwardly to do not disintegrate.I think that I´d die if it happened.It´s the only part of his beloved body I miss too and want to have it for keeps until I meet him again.Gwen,I love him so much that even those poems I´ve been writing to him aren´t enough to express my feelings for him...it´s indescribable...for eternity...

I believe that one day you´ll be listening to voice of your beloved husband again.

With love Janka

bunny in love with carrot

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My dad was a musician and could pick up and play any musical instrument.  Music was a part of my growing up years as much as breathing.  I woke up to it, he (dad) used to sing me to sleep.  Billy liked some music, but it sort of disappeared during our marriage.  No dancing, no sing alongs.  But he knew what he didn't like.  My genre was more country/outlaw/Cajun, and now I play my old CD's he hated.  Strange, we have to ""find ourselves" again.  Here I am, "Jolie Blon," and I cannot get much more Cajun than that.

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Deedo didn't like a lot of the music I listened to, particularly classical and opera and jazz.  Country, especially any Country before 1990, classical rock, especially early Beatles, and Disney tunes were her thing.  I'd come home and she'd be standing on the couch, with her Mickey gloves and Mickey's Sorcerer Apprentice hat on leading the finalé to Fantasmic, lost in her own world.  Classical music made her sad and opera made her laugh.  We did agree that rap and hip hop were lost on us; too angry and foul.  

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On ‎21‎.‎1‎.‎2016 at 9:35 PM, Janka said:

Mylene Farmer & Jean-Louis Murat - Regrets

Do you remember this lovely song? This music is expressing my deepest grief.

Janka

I still cry when I´m watching this video or listening to this music...

I´m so sorry for everyone´s loss here...

I do feel how much it hurts...

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Wow Janka...so powerful....thank you.

<3

Beautiful way to start a day...sad, poetic ...but beautiful.....I can just see Kev coming and dancing with me...

Thanks Janka,  Marie

 

Ps I must add.. My daughter went to Slovakia as a foreign exchange student in 2009.... It's very much a part of her heart.

She still stays in touch with her " family" from there :-)

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