Changing Reminders

[Charlie]

Things keep changing to a different life.

My husband beloved dog we had for 17 years died this past Sunday. It was expected since he was so old but still very playful. He was my husbands companion. When he would work out in the yard or in his garage the dog would always be at his side following him around and when my husband died Max was always looking in the yard running around wondering where he was.

Now another part of my husbands life is gone, I feel like as each day goes by another part of him drifts so far away. I am starting to feel like I am losing touch with that other part of my life and it makes me so sad to know that as the years pass without him more and more of what was his life will be gone from me. That hurts just to think this.

[ustwo]

Oh, Charlie I'm so sorry you've suffered another loss. I know what you mean about loosing you husband's "buddy". My husband's loss of his faithful dog two weekds before he passed was heartbreaking for him. I'm quite sure that was when he suffered his last heart attack leaving only 5% of a functioning heart. I remember the fear as I took the call from the vet and knew somehow that telling Gene would likely mean he would not win his battle this time....I knew deep inside but still hoped. I knew my world was slipping away and I could not stop it. I still try and tell myself that somewhere in heaven Gene and his dog have all the little tennis balls they need to be happy. I understand holding on to those precious connections...all the things that brought joy to our loved ones. But I know in time it will all go away and it breaks my heart to think about it. But the love will always be there. Love is the one thing time cannot take away from any of us. It's my connection...no one else shares this love with Gene...it's mine and it's forever. The love is you and your husband. Nothing can take that away. Life just isn't fair...it's cruel.

Hang on to the memories....hang on to the love.

Always Gene!

Always!

[kayc]

Let me add too how sorry I am. I felt that way when Tigger ran away, two months after George died...we raised him together and it felt like more of George was leaving. I know Tigger didn't understand why his beloved master didn't come home anymore. It's so hard with each loss...

[Dusky]

Charlie, Ustwo and KayC,

I am so sorry for each of your additional losses. Pets are so important in our lives and I understand the painful sting that this has in each of your lives.

Jack and I also suffered the loss of our dear “Dusky” (that’s where my handle comes from) during the course of Jacks 10-month illness. I can still remember having to make the painful to decision to put him to sleep. Jack was in the ICU unit of the hospital at the time – blind – with a brain tumor and not capable of helping me make the decision about Dusky. I was with Dusky - and held him - when he died - I then had to go to the Hospital to tell Jack about our loss. I entered the room – grabbed Jacks hand – asked him how he was – and the first words out of his mouth were “John – what’s wrong your hands are so cold”. I broke down in tears as I told him that Dusky was too sick to save – and he was gone. One-week later Jack came home from the hospital for the second of three times – but this time - there was no Dusky. Eight months later – I was with Jack and held him – as he died. I can remember thinking at the time – I am losing everything in my life that I love.

I still think about getting another dog for company. I would love to have another breathing living thing in my home. For some reason I simply have not been able to make the decision one-way or the other – and I’m not sure why? Perhaps it’s just the indecisive attitude that sometimes comes along with grief.

Please know that I feel each of your pain at the loss of you pets. I know it is difficult for each of you. I am always here for you whenever you wish to talk.

Love and Peace,

John – Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

[Guest Guest_Deborah_*]

Dusky, I think this grief stuff definitely makes decision-making impossible right now. I can't even think straight, my mind won't stay in one place very long. I find myself staring out the window lost in my thoughts.

Larry died the day before his birthday. Then Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and now Valentines without him. It doesn't seem possible. I found last years Valentine from him to me. My heart just aches to see him, touch him or talk to him. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was waiting for a transplant. They made him wait too long. He couldn't hold on any longer. Why did this have to happen, we wanted to spend our lives together. We were so happy. Why do I have to go thru this alone? Its just too hard.

[ustwo]

John...the words "indecisive attitude". It describes my days from sun up to sun down. I thought perhaps it was just me. How can it be that all of us were so strong. We all had to make decisions...the best we could to do every little thing we could for our loved ones. All the educating myself about every little aspect of Gene's health..finding doctors, watching and questioning everything during hospital stays, questioning doctors, creating diets, measuring sodium, calcium, protien, potassium...everything that I prepared...investigating medicines..making sure no combination of doctors prescribed interacting drugs. Making decisions for so many years and yet now I can't decide when to open up the blinds and let the sun in. I was vicious about Gene's health and how he was treated. Now I just don't care about anything. Eight months into this mystery I truly was beginning to believe something was wrong with "me" because I just can't make any decision about anything. Today all I wanted from the time I woke was for darkness to come so I could go to sleep and put another day past me.

And all the little losses along the way...little four legged companions. It is like everything was taken. I'm sorry you lost Dusky. I know how your heart ached to tell your dear Jack. I do have one little dog left...the one I bought for Gene last year for Valentines to try give him something to focus on besides being ill. I wanted to give her away after Gene lost his Buddy but Gene said no..I needed to keep her because I would need her. That was two weeks before I lost Gene...I guess he knew somehow and did not want me to be totally alone. She still looks for him. My soul searches for Gene's touch.

We all have been given and hold on to a love that I really believe few people know. Along with the heartache I can read about so many great love stories here. And the love goes on..we're only one breathe away.

Always Gene!

Always!

[kayc]

Deborah,

I feel your pain, I am so sorry. I feel like that too. Thank you John/Dusky, for all that you share, you are a very compassionate person and you touch all of our lives. I hope you do select another dog...maybe go to the pound and let the dog select you! Ustwo, I relate to your indecision and not caring, I have such a hard time going to work and doing my job. It's hard to concentrate, hard to focus, hard to give things your best. I went to our church' Valentine Banquet Friday night, everyone had been after me to go, and it was nice...I guess better than being home alone, but so hard...so painful. It was the first time I'd gone without George. We were so in love and continually showed it...one of those couples that everyone noticed and commented on the tremendous love between us. People still comment on it. It is something I have lost here forever...until George and I meet again, for I know there's not another human alive that has the capability of loving me anywhere close to like George did. He truly adored me. It's funny, there are some men that don't care if you gain weight...but George was a step beyond that...he didn't NOTICE! He looked at me through such a filter of love, all he ever saw was perfection in this imperfect being. I will never, as long as I live, forget the look in his eyes for me. That look...it said it all.

[charlieslove]

The pain is incredible. Even after almost 15 months the pain is still so prevalent. 13 months before I lost my Charlie, we had to put our beloved canine, Kelty, to sleep. She had been Charlie's mountain climbing companion, walk-taking companion and running away from moose companion for 13 years(we lived in Alaska for 25 years...). She got sick and as Dusky said, too sick to save. We had to make the heart-ripping decision to end her life and then 13 months later I lost my best friend, my lover, my soulmate! My saying since then has been "from 3 to me". That's exactly what happened.

I, too, would like to have a warm friendly being in my house, again, but I'm afraid. I have had to put down 2 beloved animals and lose my husband and I'm afraid to get attached to anything/anyone again. It's too soon. I am hoping that someday I will be able to "love" again, but I just can't bring myself to do it right now. People who have not experienced our pain just don't understand why I don't want another dog again.

I'm dreading tomorrow. Actually, I'm hoping the day just comes and goes and I don't have to think about it. This will be my 2nd V-day without the man I loved more than anyone. Last year my brother in law brought flowers to my work and he and I cried together.

I will be HERE tomorrow. I hope all of you are too!!!!

My thoughts are with all of you!!!

Patti

(Charlie 6/10/58 - 11/16/2004; I love you, Dear!!)