Gin Posted January 13, 2016 Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 My husband Al has been gone for 3 months and his several boxes of his many, many drugs have been on his dresser all this time. Today I took the first step and got rid of one box. He sorted them every Saturday for the week. He was so careful doing this. I hated to do it, but it was a start. I was going to start on his clothes, but this was easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 All of a sudden I am doing such stupid things! I locked myself out of the house and garage 2 weeks ago. Then last week I lost the garage door opener remote. Today I lost my checkbook. I tore the house apart looking forward it. Then I went through the garbage. Then I went in the alley and emptied the recycable bin out. Finally I went to the bank and had them stop the remaining checks. My friend insisted on coming over to help me look. I already made such a mess that I did not think it would help. I had been cleaning out Al's drugs and she knew it. After awhile, she asked about the drug drawer. I insisted that I already checked. She made me look anyway...there it was! All of a sudden I feel so incompetent. Al has been gone 3 months and I am worse than I was before. I got extra keys, had the guy come today and bought a new opener and now I have my checkbook. I am tired and now I have to put all the stuff I dragged out away. gin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 13, 2016 Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 One step at a time, dear Gin ~ even if it's a baby step, you're still moving. Good for you. Give yourself credit for that, and let it be enough . . . ♥ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 The other day I went to the store to get four things. I made a list but when I got to the store I refused to look at the list; it was only four stupid things. It took me the better part of thirty minutes to remember the four things but I did it without the list. The challenge was the thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Our cognitive capability is a bit challenged right now, that is a result of Grief.......memory lapses, lack of concentration, driving down the road and forgetting where your going........not crazy, just part of the journey 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Gin, I could tell you countless anecdotes about losing things, doing things and then forgetting I did them, starting something and walking away for a moment and forgetting about it. The list goes on and on. I really, as Kevin said, had to be really mindful driving. Not just forgetting where I was going, but bring lost in my thoughts that I was not fully focused on driving. There are lots of tricks like always putting things in the same place, but you have to remember to do it, and that goes right back to the original problem! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 44 minutes ago, Gwenivere said: Gin, I could tell you countless anecdotes about losing things, doing things and then forgetting I did them, starting something and walking away for a moment and forgetting about it. The list goes on and on. I really, as Kevin said, had to be really mindful driving. Not just forgetting where I was going, but bring lost in my thoughts that I was not fully focused on driving. There are lots of tricks like always putting things in the same place, but you have to remember to do it, and that goes right back to the original problem! Gwen,sent you messages.Have you read them? Hugs from Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Janka, have not received any notices of messages. Only when you have quoted me in a post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 I can be standing in one room and without taking 10 steps any direction in the room I will loose something. Now, I have not left the room period. I get so aggravated, I want to quit, but I keep reasoning with myself. Finally I find whatever it is. If I do not go by strict rules I am lost. Keys in my pocket before I leave the truck. Glasses removed and put on stand on desk. If I get off this habit, I cannot find the keys or my glasses and then I go into a panic. I panic easily anyhow. My worse thing is to remove something, go back to give it to one of the kids, and it is gone. I have no memory of removing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 I guess I should have looked and saw this post before making a new one basically about the same thing...aggravated and frustrated seem to be the words that best describe what I am feeling today. It is hard to be going through something that all you want to do is fix it and make it better. Where is my old mind? I've locked myself out of the house twice (not recently, but only because I made sure that I put my keys back in my purse once I get inside...and I have extra keys in various places now), I can't watch new movies because I can't keep focus. It isn't like I am constantly thinking about my husband. When I am work, I do well to put aside all those thoughts...but if someone comes in and does anything that takes me off task, I get frustrated because then I have to try and find my way back to where my mind was. I screamed on Sunday while trying to put curtains on a rod. It was like my hands couldn't function....all I wanted to do was get it done, and it kept fighting me and frustrating me until I started to cry and scream "Why does everything have to be so difficult?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 I think I'm going to invent a new term...."Grief Dementia"........it's like you are temporarily (hopefully) not fully cognizant.....I actually found my car keys in the fridge freezer one day.....go figure. And have to question myself as to whether or not I already took meds, sometimes cannot recall if, or what I've eaten today.. Not like me, at all. I've always been "the caretaker" a great portion of my life.....for my siblings, my parents, my children, friends, my husband......always efficient, always attuned to detail.....but seems increasingly apparent that I'm not too capable of taking care of "me". .Hope I'm not the only one who feels this way! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Nope, Kat, you are not the only one that feels that way. I wonder where my efficient and steel trap mind went. This morning, for the life of me, I could not remember what I made for dinner last night. And that's a minor 'brain fart'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 I hate shopping. Now I've always hated shopping but at least before I would walk in a store knowing what I needed/wanted, find them, pay for them and leave. Now it's stumbling around trying to remember why I am there. Looking at my list and realizing there are things I didn't add to the list but not knowing what they were. Now I detest, loathe, abhor, despise, execrate and abominate shopping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Gin, you are going through what we've all experienced...loss of focus, makes you think you're losing your mind. You're not, but your brain has been quite shaken up, is it any wonder you're experiencing what you are? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Brad, I think we find that the things we never really cared for but tolerated become ones exceedingly hard to deal with now. I don't know if Deedo and you shopped together, but I know it has changed for me not having Steve along to complain about it. He never cared for it on his own, but took delight sometimes in exaggerated displeasure just to get to me. Now I miss that as I shop like a 'guy'. Get in, get the list and get out. No fun wandering around looking for new stuff to try as I would be doing it alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Gwen Our Friday night dates were out for dinner and then to Walmart. Deedo always had her list, a little game we played as things bought on date night did not count against her household budget. I'd joke how her list would get longer. She'd shop while I'd chat with ex-students or parents of current students, teacher in a small town stuff. It was not my way of shopping, in and out, but it was our way. Sounds like Steve and I had shopping in common. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 My George loved to be with me regardless of what we were doing. We loved making a day of it, visiting friends 75 miles away, going out to eat, then stopping in town to get groceries on the way back. He got so excited about getting groceries! I will never have a relationship with anyone that I had with him, he was just so special. He turned everything into a wonderful day, I miss him so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Kay, That is how it was with Mark. Even if we did not go anywhere, even at home it was wonderful. Mark was my safe place, someone who made me feel that everything was alright. Things weren't always perfect; Mark had his issues. But he NEVER made me feel I was the reason. He never judged me or made me the butt of any joke. I spent quite a bit of time after he died reading his Facebook page, and always saw the wonderful things he said about me and us. He was proud of me, and of us and the life we had. It is a HUGE reason why I still feel so lost without him. There are times I still feel like a deer in the headlights; nervous to venture forward, unsure what to do next. I don't enjoy buying groceries anymore...I miss our Friday nights with Whataburger and Gold Rush. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Yes, we even enjoyed doing chores together, so long as we were together, that's what made everything wonderful. I have just never felt this way about anyone else, and believe me, I've tried my level best to make other relationships work, but we didn't click like George and I did and they didn't reciprocate my effort. I don't know why it was like it was between us except I figure we were soulmates, made for each other. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 27 minutes ago, kayc said: He got so excited about getting groceries! I will never have a relationship with anyone that I had with him, he was just so special. He turned everything into a wonderful day, I miss him so much! I love shopping for groceries too. That's rare to find a man that loved shopping for groceries. It's rare to find a man that likes shopping period. He was definitely a gem! I enjoyed reading these snippets of what everyone liked to do. I love that everyone had simple little things that fit their lifestyle just fine. My sister and I loved our usual haunts. We used to go to Michigan Avenue in Chicago and go to the Apple Store, mess with the computers then go to Fridays which was just around the corner, then head home. It's why buying a car now will be so sad. We always wanted a car to be able to venture out to more places to shop and see. It makes me sad we didn't get to do that together. It would have been hella fun. There is no one else I have that I can do that with. The little things are big things now that we can't do them anymore, or at least can't have fun doing them like we used to. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Brad, the first few years Billy would not go shopping with me. Back in the caveman days we grew up in, he figured it was woman's work. We married before we knew the words male chauvinist. He informed me our marriage was 75/25. He would not let me work, and I had just finished business school. It took him nine years and two kids later to decide, well, it's okay for her to work because I am tired of working two jobs. Then the enlightenment period of our marriage and my shenanigans for taking revenge for nine years of chauvinism.. Finally in about 1990, we quit our playing games and settled into a 50/50 marriage that was really just 100%, being us. He shopped with me and I put him in the "toy department" while I shopped. I could do all my shopping and he would have only made it as far as the new rods and reels. Everything works out in the end, until the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 It will be a good day, I'm smiling already......Grief Dementia, for three years, if anything was missing, I just had to retrace Angela's steps or check out her hiding spots, and voila, it was found. Now, with me being the only one in the house, I am still losing stuff...car keys, remotes, letters, bags of Food, left cat out all night(numerous times) etc.........I'm thinking maybe Angela had some help........I can lose and find the same thing, same room twice.....walked down stairs, get to the bottom, forget why I'm down there....... I need butter and onions for last two days, forgot to buy(remembered Beer).......today or tomorrow, need pet food, that goes on my list...when I can find my list......have a good day 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 @Kevin, you are always good for a smile. Thanks so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 Well at least you remembered the beer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 It's called priorities. I never forget to buy wine, ever! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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