Froggie4635 Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Geez, wheez...my focus is SO bad. I used to be able to multi-task...jump from one thing to another without missing a beat. Now, if someone takes me off task with something REALLY complicated (member accounts, credits owed, payments not made correctly), when they leave my head is just spinning. Then I just want to walk away and be done for the day...has anyone else had this problem. My ability to pay attention has diminished greatly. Is this grief, or related to possible PTSD for the trauma of Mark's heart attack. I used to be able to shake things off so much easier. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Maryann, my dear, I suppose you are sick of hearing this, and may even doubt if it is true ~ but I can assure you that what you're feeling is normal. I invite you to read Megan Devine's article, Has Grief Made You Lose Your Mind? And go see the message that Marg just posted here. ♥ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted January 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Thanks, Marty for the article...lol, I have actually read it before, but didn't really take in what it said....no focus. For someone like me, who has ALWAYS been able to multi-task and keep focus, it is so very frustrating, which then makes me feel worse. It is hard to get staff to understand it, and explain that I don't know how to fix it. Like you said yesterday, I seem to be pushing myself; it's all I have ever known. I want to cry because it is a part of me I really don't want to lose; I rely on myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Froggie, one of the worst things about grief--besides grief itself-- is the inability to "turn off" our minds. This is grief, and it's just the same as stress and worry. We've all had something like a big test, or money problems that we just can't get off our minds no matter what, you can't see anything past that problem. The bad thing is tests end and money problems can be resolved, but grief just keeps going and going. Also, anything big and complicated that takes a lot of concentration takes a lot more work when you've suffered a trauma. It also makes you more angry and frustrated because it takes more work than it needs to. Obviously, when you have no big worries on your mind you can concentrate and focus. I used to be able to shake things off too. Now, when it gets hard or irritating I just want to quit as it takes to much mental energy to stay in the moment and grief is very tiring as it is. I was at work on a "bad day" and we had a technician fixing my phone, he said the phone cord was loose, and could give me problems, and it had not given me problems so far. He just got stuck on it and wouldn't leave it alone, wanting to crawl under my desk looking for some plug that he couldn't reach, it was just so annoying and upsetting. But if it had been before all this, I wouldn't have thought to much about it, eye-rolling but letting it pass. But even my manager noticed I was bothered by it. Everything can be ten-fold in our situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2016 Report Share Posted January 15, 2016 It took me ten years to get enough focus back to read and finish a book! I was always an avid reader before this. Now I'm incorporating it into my every-other-day existence and it feels good to have it back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 16, 2016 Report Share Posted January 16, 2016 I didn't really know where to put this, but focus seemed to fit. I am soooooo tired of days I feel I am making some progress to wake up to a day I just want to say screw it all. I went 2 dates without gut wrenching crying only to be sitting here now wondering how I will pull off my volunteering this afternoon. I know I will send be back in the abyss. All this shifting and emotional flipping in a moment is really getting old and maddening. I'd just like something simple. To know that I may be sad but it doesn't have to get so extreme I dread I will be caught in it forever. I know that isn't true, but I know I can't trust the reprieves as they are snatched away as easily as the pain and anxiety hit. We've all said it before, this is no way to live. And I think that is what gets to me. I know I am not really living right now. I want to feel what it was like to live again. And that includes some happy and content times. Ones that last. Just starting raining....nice gloom to add to having to go out in the world. I hate whining but am getting so good at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 16, 2016 Report Share Posted January 16, 2016 Oh, and I used to like rainy days. Want to curl up in my cozy home. Now.....it's empty and cold. Whine, whine, whine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 17, 2016 Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 I feel my so-called life is dribbling away. i do so little of any worth. Days go by and I do not interact with anyone. I live in my bedroom..TV. books, bathroom and kitchen close. I used to talk to a lot of people on the phone, but that is getting less and less. They are getting tired of my whining. I try to go out somewhere every day, but it seems so pointless. I do not look forward to anything. Al and I had such a full life before. People used to say that they were tired just hearing about all the things we did. Now I am very boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 17, 2016 Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 I hit a low last night. You'd think after this long I'd have this down, but it's times like these when it hits me (I hate dealing with house issues/contractors). George used to handle fixing things or dealing with someone who would. I just want to do laundry and cook! I am feeling very stressed and anxious about all this and tired of the struggle. I'm tired of walking out my patio door and getting deluged with water hitting me on the head, and it's a struggle to keep firewood nearby and dry! I want my roof back on! I've been having to deal with issues for 10 1/2 years now and I'm getting tired of the struggle! I keep telling myself a day at a time but this week I feel even that's too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 17, 2016 Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 1 hour ago, Gin said: I try to go out somewhere every day, but it seems so pointless. I do not look forward to anything. Al and I had such a full life before. People used to say that they were tired just hearing about all the things we did. Now I am very boring. I used to do little things everyday. Mostly shopping sales to keep up with all the stuff Steve liked. It became a full time job and I liked the hunt for best deals. I know what you mean about it being pointless now. I can buy what I need in a day. I still keep going out there and wander, but it's just to be among the living, tho I am very aware I am a loner now. Guess I am boring too. Sure don't have much to tell anyone I have done. Did a vet apt. Last Friday, but that doesn't make for much conversation. Even the volunteering was something I shared with Steve the most. The not looking forward to oink things is the hardest. Used to be I had my list and was outta here for the afternoon. Now I have to make up things to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 17, 2016 Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 Boy, I hear ya Kay. I haven't been having to go the 'Steve' things as long as you without George, but I hate dealing with the outside stuff and hiring people. I was very happy being the keeper of the inner manor and leave that other stuff to him. I would hire the people, but then turn I over to him many times. I hired a landscaper last year I know I paid too much for because I got another quote after the fact (the guy was late getting back to me and I just wanted it done and over). Had Steve been here, t would not have been subjected to my impatience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2016 Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 Another thing to be grateful for. Deedo would have had to contract everything out. Me? I fix what's broken and contract out a monthly maid service for the deep cleaning. I'll keep things tidy and vacuumed but let someone else dust and scrub the toilet bowl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 17, 2016 Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 1 hour ago, Brad said: Another thing to be grateful for. Deedo would have had to contract everything out. Me? I fix what's broken and contract out a monthly maid service for the deep cleaning. I'll keep things tidy and vacuumed but let someone else dust and scrub the toilet bowl. Dear Brad, I´m as well as you.You made me smile again. Janka PS:It´s getting colder here again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 23 hours ago, Gin said: I feel my so-called life is dribbling away. i do so little of any worth. Days go by and I do not interact with anyone. I live in my bedroom..TV. books, bathroom and kitchen close. I used to talk to a lot of people on the phone, but that is getting less and less. They are getting tired of my whining. I try to go out somewhere every day, but it seems so pointless. I do not look forward to anything. Al and I had such a full life before. People used to say that they were tired just hearing about all the things we did. Now I am very boring. I live in my bedroom too. I work downtown and it looks so pretty and busy and I just head right home every night. I feel like a little old lady. No way I want to hang out late alone, around other groups and couples. A couple cool places opened I know we would have loved together, I wanted to cry on the spot. I did a lot alone before, but that was different. It's just awful doing anything now with no one to share it with. My mom claims she will go out with me, but she's old and after 10 minutes she's screaming about wanting to head home to sleep. Makes me even more depressed and miss my sister. I literally have no I can hang out with. Gwen, I'm very good at whining and complaining and I think we all deserve to be selfish in doing so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 HH, have you tried a grief support group where you can meet with others that have had similar losses? It might help you connect with someone...someone you can see in person. I know it's lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 2 hours ago, hollowheart said: Gwen, I'm very good at whining and complaining and I think we all deserve to be selfish in doing so. Absolutely. I was the one cussing out my husband one night at full volume! I just hate to see you so racked with guilt. But we all have the right to do and feel anything. Not asking to answer here....but do you feel your sister would want you carrying this guilt? Sometimes I have to turn things around and think about what Steve would want for me. You did say you didn't know for sure if you were responsible. I'm no trying to corner you or make you feel you are wrong in any way, pleased understand that. It just makes me sad to read you say you will never let that go. My apologies if I in any way offended you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 HH, I hope you will take a half-hour or so to listen to the online video that Anne described in her Videos Worth Watching post earlier today. It features a discussion about sibling loss, including a description of and an invitation to join a closed group on Facebook exclusively aimed at bereaved siblings. You'll find it here: The Compassionate Friends Sounds of The Siblings -- "for those who have lost a beloved sibling....join this group.....let your voice be heard. This group is for bereaved Siblings only.....no parents allowed" ♥ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 TH, you have accomplished a major hurtle, you have recognized this "Grief Dementia" somebody coined the other day. Now you just have to accommodate it.....extra careful, notes, keep mind clear when driving......But this focus thing is common, no idea when things clear up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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