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I Dont Know If My Feelings Are Normal


SYLVESTER KITTY CAT

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I LOST MY COMPANION YESTERDAY ALL OF A SUDDEN. HE WAS A CAT.

HE HAD SO MUCH PERSONALITY AND I FEEL LIKE I NEVER HAVE ANOTHER

ONE LIKE HIM. HE WAS FINE FOUR DAYS AGO. HE EVEN SLEPT ON TOP

OF MY FEET. THE NEXT DAY HE ACTED LIKE A HUMAN WOULD ACT IF THEY

CAUGHT A VIRUS. HE COULDN'T EAT AND HE JUST SAT IN ONE PLACE.

HE WENT TO HIS WATER DISH AND RESTED HIS CHIN ON THE BOWL, BUT

HE DIDN'T DRINK ANY WATER. THEY VET RAN TESTS AND RULED OUT THE

VIRUS. THEY CALLED ME INTO THE ROOM AND EXPLAINED HIS CONDITION. HE HAD DIABETES AND HIS LIVER WAS DAMAGED TO WHERE IT COULD NO LONGER PERFORM THE FUNCTION THAT IT'S SUPPOSE TO.

I JUST FELL APART AND CRIED SO BAD I COULD BARELY TALK. I TOLD THE DOCTOR THAT I WAS A SENSITIVE PERSON. SHE SAID SHE UNDERSTOOD AND TOLD ME THAT I HURT BECAUSE I CARED SO MUCH FOR HIM. I HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP, BECAUSE NOTHING ELSE COULD BE DONE. WELL I'M A GROWN MAN AND WISH I HADN'T OF FELL APART LIKE I DID IN FRONT OF THE DOCTOR. BUT SHE WAS REALLY UNDERSTANDING. THIS PROBABLY DOESN'T SEEN RIGHT, BUT I FEEL LIKE

HIS SPIRIT IS STILL HERE. EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE HIM. I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT HE WAS NINE YEARS OLD AND I HAD HIM SINCE HE WAS A SIX WEEK OLD KITTEN. I'M CRYING AS I WRITE THIS LETTER. I NOW REALIZE THAT PARTICIPATING IN THESE FORUMS WILL REALLY BE BENEFICIAL. I HAVE TO BURY HIM TOMORROW. I'M BURYING HIM AT THE END OF MY LOT AND THERE IS A GOLD RIBBON TIED AROUND THE TWO TREES THAT WILL BE AROUND THE GRAVE. WELL, IT FELT GOOD TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST. THIS REALLY HURTS.

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I LOST MY COMPANION YESTERDAY ALL OF A SUDDEN. HE WAS A CAT.

HE HAD SO MUCH PERSONALITY AND I FEEL LIKE I NEVER HAVE ANOTHER

ONE LIKE HIM. HE WAS FINE FOUR DAYS AGO. HE EVEN SLEPT ON TOP

OF MY FEET. THE NEXT DAY HE ACTED LIKE A HUMAN WOULD ACT IF THEY

CAUGHT A VIRUS. HE COULDN'T EAT AND HE JUST SAT IN ONE PLACE.

HE WENT TO HIS WATER DISH AND RESTED HIS CHIN ON THE BOWL, BUT

HE DIDN'T DRINK ANY WATER. THEY VET RAN TESTS AND RULED OUT THE

VIRUS. THEY CALLED ME INTO THE ROOM AND EXPLAINED HIS CONDITION. HE HAD DIABETES AND HIS LIVER WAS DAMAGED TO WHERE IT COULD NO LONGER PERFORM THE FUNCTION THAT IT'S SUPPOSE TO.

I JUST FELL APART AND CRIED SO BAD I COULD BARELY TALK. I TOLD THE DOCTOR THAT I WAS A SENSITIVE PERSON. SHE SAID SHE UNDERSTOOD AND TOLD ME THAT I HURT BECAUSE I CARED SO MUCH FOR HIM. I HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP, BECAUSE NOTHING ELSE COULD BE DONE. WELL I'M A GROWN MAN AND WISH I HADN'T OF FELL APART LIKE I DID IN FRONT OF THE DOCTOR. BUT SHE WAS REALLY UNDERSTANDING. THIS PROBABLY DOESN'T SEEN RIGHT, BUT I FEEL LIKE

HIS SPIRIT IS STILL HERE. EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE HIM. I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT HE WAS NINE YEARS OLD AND I HAD HIM SINCE HE WAS A SIX WEEK OLD KITTEN. I'M CRYING AS I WRITE THIS LETTER. I NOW REALIZE THAT PARTICIPATING IN THESE FORUMS WILL REALLY BE BENEFICIAL. I HAVE TO BURY HIM TOMORROW. I'M BURYING HIM AT THE END OF MY LOT AND THERE IS A GOLD RIBBON TIED AROUND THE TWO TREES THAT WILL BE AROUND THE GRAVE. WELL, IT FELT GOOD TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST. THIS REALLY HURTS.

Your feelings are so very normal! In about one hour I will have to have my baby put to sleep, I have been grieving since Saturday when I made the call to the vet. My dog is 13 now and can not get around that good but still has a strong heart, but I am afraid that heart only beats to please us. He can no longer run and even going out to do his job is difficult. I tell myself it is best but my heart is heavy and the thought of losing him I just cant bear it. We made Ernie a grave in our garden next to our purple martin house and I have a memorial stone for him and I will plant flowers in the spring. It does hurt so much that I too am crying...our friends will be waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge.

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It is so hard to say goodbye to a beloved companion animal and to make a decision when the quality of life is not at the high standard we set as responsible and loving pet people. Yet it is precisely because we have set such a standard that we cannot let them suffer. Euthanasia was once defined in a single phrase that says it is "when we take their pain and make it our own". That is never more true than when we face the agonizing decision about what is right for our faithful companions. My heart goes out to both of you who write today of having to make that decision to help your beloved pets to a final peace. To grieve deeply and let the tears come shows the depth of our love and the heartache that does not go away even when the head is dictating what the right decision is to be.

I, too, believe the spirit is never far away from us. There is a heart connection that transcends the physical presence and the limits of time. It is always there, and our beloved animals reside in a special chamber of the heart never to be separated from us. Visiting that chamber is sometimes very painful in the aftermath. It is may not be a safe haven at first, but the memories of the best times can never be silenced. In time they line the path to that special place, and the voyage there is not so painful. Smiles replace tears and the joy of knowing that your beloved companion has been and always will be unique and wonderful to this world can help the healing process. We never get over the loss one hundred per cent; nor should we have to. We can be thankful for the time we have had and the difference we made in the lives of our pets and for all that they have given us in return-- love, loyalty, devotion, companionship and much more. I hope those memories will lead you as you go along your way. May hope for the future join those memories to help you bring a balance back to your life. Seek the support of those who truly understand whether it be family, friends, or people in a discussion forum such as this. You deserve no less at this difficult time of life. Know that you are not alone in your journey. I wish you peace.

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