Shock and Awe after 1 year

[Guest Janka]

1 minute ago, kayc said:

He's happy having home cooked meals instead of dogfood!

I longer think about buying the little fishes.We had a small aquarium when I was a little girl.

Janka

[Gwenivere]

And a mom who loves him.  

[iPraiseHim]

I have something funny to share.  When I came out of church, I happened to look at my license plate and noticed they expired a month ago.  What was odd is I bought them last month when I changed the car ownership because my wife died.  I did all their paperwork, jumped through all of their hoops and paid their fees to get the Title transferred and the new vehicle registration. However, I just took it home put it all in the home office and relaxed.  Fortunately, I found them today and put them on the car  but I was certain I had already done that before.  Oh Well!  Fortunately, I was not stopped and ticketed.

My sister is planning a St. Patrick Day meal on Thursday so I need to make sure I put it on my calendar so I don't forget. I am still waiting to hear from the naturopathic doctor about how to naturally restore thyroid function and leptin resistance. Leptin resistance affects thyroid and weight loss. I'm still losing the battle of carb cravings.  I need to drop this excess weight for health reasons. It's been a lifelong battle.  Shalom. 

 

[iPraiseHim]

I just finished watching a great movie on NETFLIX called, "A matter of faith"  It covers the subject of Creationism vs Evolution.  Highly recommend it. 

[kayc]

George, maybe you could message or email me what hit you about it...

[iPraiseHim]

Yesterday, my sister made and shared a St. Patrick's day dinner, corned beef and cabbage with me and my Dad.  This is the second year now.  My sister is into family traditions especially since Mom passed away. I made and brought a dozen "Sainted Eggs" ( not deviled.. lol). My Dad really enjoys them so I made plenty to share with everyone. 

I went to my first physical massage therapist yesterday.  I did some research to make sure it was not  sensual/erotic massage place.   When we introduced each other, I discovered she worked with my wife at the Bank from 1980-1998.  She said some nice things about my wife.

The massage  was an unusual experience. I didn't realize I need to take off all my clothes except my underwear.  As she was massaging, she was talking about meridians and energy fields.  After working on some knots, the massage started feeling better as  the shoulder muscles began to relax. It seems short lived because I am still as sore  today as I was before the treatment.  It was too warm in the room and I found it difficult to breath laying flat on my stomach.  I usually am sitting up or lay on an incline wedge pillow. 

On another note, my car is acting up. It's an old car, 1997 Toyota Camry.  But it has been a reliable car for the last five years.  It just runs rough now, especially when pulling out into traffic it hesitates and has no power for a few seconds, then it kicks into its usual power.  It is very sporadic.  I have tried cleaning the fuel injectors but the problem hasn't cleared up yet.

I had a work cancellation for today because the Dad has the flu. So I actually have three days off. I have no energy to do anything so I'm just resting and catching up on my sleep.  Thanks for listening.  Shalom.

 

 

[kayc]

George,

A friend of mine just went through something with his Volvo and they wanted an astronomical amount and he took it to a friend's mechanic and they took care of it for about $30...I just wrote and asked him about it and will let you know what he says when he replies (my brain just doesn't remember all the details)..  I don't want to see you with a big bill if it's unnecessary!

Massages can feel worse before they feel better, esp. when it releases a lot of toxins from your body.  Yes, it's common for them to work on you in your undies, they have to be able to reach your skin to do any good.  I hope she told you to drink a lot of water afterwards because that is really important!  If not, that may be a reason you aren't feeling terrific today.  How amazing that she used to work with your wife!  Small world...

Your St. Pattie's dinner sounds wonderful.  I wish I'd thought to do something like that, but just me by myself, I just eat the same old, same old.  

[kayc]

George, never mind...I emailed my friend and he just got back to me with a horror story on his car.  They thought they'd fixed it, they'd cleaned the catalytic converter, but that didn't last long.  Then they said it was the Throttle Control, $900.  On the way home, started acting up again.  Towed back to dealer.  Now they say they can't find what's wrong.  Ugh!  Hope yours is simple!

[iPraiseHim]

Grief trigger: I just finished watching a movie on Netflix.  One of their movie recommended to watch is "Running Scared".  I looked at the picture and realize it was a remake of the 1986 version.  When I pulled up the spec, I could hear my wife belt out the line," Calling all cars, calling all cars, there's a UFO spotted on Michigan Ave", then the bad guy got punched.  We would laugh so hard every time we heard that line.  No I'm in a puddle of tears recalling it and realizing we are not together to laugh, joke, and have fun.  I have to go. My nose and eye faucets are running.  Shalom.

[kayc]

I'm sorry, George!  I watched, "P.S., I love you!", took me two nights to get through it, it was hard, I didn't agree with so much of what was in there.  (About a woman who lost her husband and people said inappropriate things to her and pushed her to "move on" way too soon!)

[Gwenivere]

I don't know how you guys do it.  I avoid anything that will add more dredged up memories right now.  Movies, music, etc.  I have enough things pop into my head uninvited.

[kayc]

I didn't know what the content would be, I didn't know how the people in her life would respond to her until I watched it happening.  You'd think I wouldn't have a problem after this long but some things really get to me and I still can't stand people's stupid comments!

[Guest]

Seems like every movie I watch anymore has a death scene in it, even the comedies.  Probably why I'm reading so much.  

[Gwenivere]

It is odd.  I pick things to watch and bam!  Death!  Cancer!  Someone in shock with grief!   I guess that is why I stick to action and sci fantasy.   Love late night talk shows like Fallon and Kimmel.  There I know I won't be blindsided.  I've sent DVDS back to Netflix I had Been waiting  a long time for because the themes I know I can't handle now.  Just saw a plane crashed in Russia killing everyone and had to mute it.  The reactions of the families was their first step into this.  

Yup, books.  If only I could concentrate better!  Spend as much time scanning the previous chapter reading the next.  :-)

[Margm]

@Gwen:  That was mine and Billy's nights when we were RVing.  Reading was our entertainment.  He had the first Kindle, but it needed a light.  We joined Amazon's Prime and the one that he could read books free on Kindle.  Then our granddaughter made the mistake of leaving her Kindle Fire that had a lit-up screen.  As much as he loves her, she was not getting it back.  So, I ordered her a new one.  He would read his Kindle, I would read mine.  When he left, I retired both Kindle's with covers and they reside beside his urn along with his cell phone.  I read things that have short stories.  I cannot concentrate either yet.  We are on "Billy's #5 Kindle."  I will never change that name.

[kayc]

On 3/18/2016 at 3:41 PM, iPraiseHim said:

I went to my first physical massage therapist yesterday.  I did some research to make sure it was not  sensual/erotic massage place.   When we introduced each other, I discovered she worked with my wife at the Bank from 1980-1998.  She said some nice things about my wife.

The massage  was an unusual experience. I didn't realize I need to take off all my clothes except my underwear.  As she was massaging, she was talking about meridians and energy fields.  After working on some knots, the massage started feeling better as  the shoulder muscles began to relax. It seems short lived because I am still as sore  today as I was before the treatment.  It was too warm in the room and I found it difficult to breath laying flat on my stomach.  I usually am sitting up or lay on an incline wedge pillow. 

For you George, Bizarro 3/26/16

[iPraiseHim]

Yep!  There was that, too! 

[iPraiseHim]

I waited for four weeks for the Naturopath doctor to call back.  In the last conversation, he said a car drove into his office and wiped out his inventory.  He needed to reorder.  He would give me a call when they came in.  I finally texted him Thursday to ask when can we start this program he suggested.  I  was near his office and did get to meet with him.  I just needed to wait about an hour.  The doctor explained the program that he recommends. 

Next, he said, have we spoke about my fees? NO.  I previously paid $50 on the last visit. ( I saw this doctor a few years ago and already paid $150 the first visit to set up the patient records.)  Anyway he says," It will be $250 to set up the patient history files."  I reminded him that I already paid that previously so he agreed to waive his setup fee.  He will charge $50 for the next visit in two weeks.

I expect to pay for his knowledge and advice. But I don't want additional charges for the products he recommends over and above his cost.  He charged me $160 for the products he recommended.  He wrote down some figures on a legal pad but I never received  a copy.  (I have requested an itemized detail for each product.)

When I returned home. I did an Internet search and found all four products on AMAZON for $100 with free shipping and no additional tax.   So I figure I just paid another office fee of $60.  I reminded him that what I appreciate most in any relationship is honesty and integrity. ( I am still waiting to hear his response.)  I believe I'm sharing this here because my wife cannot respond with her feedback in the matter.

This is my third day on the program and I have noticed some changes already. My mood has been a little better and less overall body pain.  I am being treated for hypothyroidism, adrenal fatigue, and body pain control.  I take a lot of ibuprofen to manage the pain so that I can to work. I have been doing it for years.  When my wife was on dialysis, I found out the really bad side effects of too much ibuprofen, i.e. kidney failure needing dialysis.

This program does not take away my grief, but I am trying to get healthy and I really need to rid myself of this excess weight.  Food cravings, emotions, stress, environment factors all play into this.  OH! ... I just remembered Federal and State tax returns are due in a couple of weeks along with the next quarterly payments.  Shalom.

[kayc]

Amazon it is!

[iPraiseHim]

This is the 5th day that I have been on this new health regime and today I feel okay.  I cleaned two homes; visited  my Dad; shared a meal with him and enjoyed the visit.  I still have energy left at the end of the day which is amazing to me.  The pain levels in my body are already decreasing.  The foreboding grief and gloom that normally clings to me at night is better than it has been.  I still miss my beloved wife but I am content at the moment.  I can function today. 

I still think about my wife throughout the day.  I  talk to her.  Today, I am thankful for the reprieve.  I am beginning to believe that the diet, sleep, and thoughts do somehow affect our moods.  It is not causal but it is a factor in my life.    I cannot control what I think and feel but I can pay attention to what my mind dwells on.  It is a different place than I have ever been before. 

I have been praying for a long time that I would just accept my wife's death IS REAL and cause my heart to accept it and learn to be at peace with it.  I will always love my sweet precious bride, Rose Anne.  (I just realize I miss saying her name.)  Okay, crying again.  That lasted for a little while.  I still miss you darling.  Shalom

[kayc]

George, I'm so glad you're feeling better and more energy!  You must have stumbled on something really good!

[iPraiseHim]

It's Sunday night and I just returned from my sister's belated Easter dinner.  She was visiting her daughter and two grandbabies on Easter.  She made a wonderful meal and dessert.  It is nice to have such a loving sister who cares.

I found out tonight someone broke into my Dad's home while he was away to church on Saturday, and stole his valuables, documents, tools, and heirlooms that he has had for a long time.  My Dad is 83 and in pretty good health but obviously they broke in when he was gone.  He seems to be taking it in stride.  I've encouraged him to get a good wireless security system with monitoring for only $15 a month.  

My wife and I had a break in, during the day, while I was away at work and my wife was home.  She called me instead of the police because she knew I would come and protect her.  The burglar managed to push in the back door and the brace and got a foot in the door.  My wife courageously yelled loudly at them and they said "Sorry Ma'am"   I called the police but nothing came of it.  I was saving up money for a security  system when my wife died. I have a system now that is efficient and affordable.  It just aggravates me they broke into my Dad's home.

I have been missing my wife more than usual the last couple of days.  I try to just let the feelings come and go and move forward.  I have noticed that as the busyness of life continues day after day that I am not as sad and down most of the time like I was before.  It is like I have three lives in one.  Before my wife, with all of its trials, loneliness, and sadness.  A wonderful life with my wife for almost 26 years every single day.  My wife couldn't believe that I was ever depressed or down in my life before because I was always so happy and content with her.  We had our trials but we faced everything together.  Now I'm living this afterlife without her here.   

Most of the time I feel alone now, not necessarily lonely.  I wake up alone, work alone, shop alone, eat alone, and rest alone.  Of course, loneliness will hit me at times but that is not the same as being alone. I can ride in the car with no radio on now. I always had a radio station, or CD playing before.  As many others have said, this grief changes over time.  I have come to accept it as part of my life.  I am still working on some other grief issues.  It is the journey.  I was blessed to know this side of love and  loss.  I feel it will be difficult to begin a new relationship knowing that one of us will be grieving over the others death.  I never considered this part of the relationship before as I was so happy and blessed to find, love and live with my soul mate. 

Today, in church, I warmly sensed her presence beside me.  It was different because she was never able to attend this church with me as she was too weak.  I don't know if that was real or my memories of her, but it was comforting.   I still miss my wife.  Shalom

[Margm]

I do something terrible.  I try to remember bad things so I can get anger as a bandage to stop the pain flow and then I feel guilty.  I hate hurting.

[scba]

9 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

It's Sunday night and I just returned from my sister's belated Easter dinner.  She was visiting her daughter and two grandbabies on Easter.  She made a wonderful meal and dessert.  It is nice to have such a loving sister who cares.

I found out tonight someone broke into my Dad's home while he was away to church on Saturday, and stole his valuables, documents, tools, and heirlooms that he has had for a long time.  My Dad is 83 and in pretty good health but obviously they broke in when he was gone.  He seems to be taking it in stride.  I've encouraged him to get a good wireless security system with monitoring for only $15 a month.  

My wife and I had a break in, during the day, while I was away at work and my wife was home.  She called me instead of the police because she knew I would come and protect her.  The burglar managed to push in the back door and the brace and got a foot in the door.  My wife courageously yelled loudly at them and they said "Sorry Ma'am"   I called the police but nothing came of it.  I was saving up money for a security  system when my wife died. I have a system now that is efficient and affordable.  It just aggravates me they broke into my Dad's home.

I have been missing my wife more than usual the last couple of days.  I try to just let the feelings come and go and move forward.  I have noticed that as the busyness of life continues day after day that I am not as sad and down most of the time like I was before.  It is like I have three lives in one.  Before my wife, with all of its trials, loneliness, and sadness.  A wonderful life with my wife for almost 26 years every single day.  My wife couldn't believe that I was ever depressed or down in my life before because I was always so happy and content with her.  We had our trials but we faced everything together.  Now I'm living this afterlife without her here.   

Most of the time I feel alone now, not necessarily lonely.  I wake up alone, work alone, shop alone, eat alone, and rest alone.  Of course, loneliness will hit me at times but that is not the same as being alone. I can ride in the car with no radio on now. I always had a radio station, or CD playing before.  As many others have said, this grief changes over time.  I have come to accept it as part of my life.  I am still working on some other grief issues.  It is the journey.  I was blessed to know this side of love and  loss.  I feel it will be difficult to begin a new relationship knowing that one of us will be grieving over the others death.  I never considered this part of the relationship before as I was so happy and blessed to find, love and live with my soul mate. 

Today, in church, I warmly sensed her presence beside me.  It was different because she was never able to attend this church with me as she was too weak.  I don't know if that was real or my memories of her, but it was comforting.   I still miss my wife.  Shalom

DeaR George, I'm sorry to hear what happened at your father's. 

About what you felt at church, her presence, I personally believe it was real. In the end if it were your memories or herSelf, what matters is the confort it provided to you at that moment. 

One of the things about me is that I don't accept any of this As part of my life. I have this rebellion / anger inside of me that makes things more difficult. But I cannot make it dissapear, everytime I am faced with the consequences, with the damned secondary losses I am experiencing, I cry because his death has broken my heart, has wounded my soul, and how can anything restore it, heal it? This is sure a valley of shadows and tears. 

[kayc]

George,

I am so sorry about your dad's experience.  I've been burglarized and it leaves you feeling so violated.  I felt angry that things I'd worked hard for by someone taking a shortcut.  Police only come out for violence nowadays.  I hope your dad has homeowner's insurance to cover his losses.