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Shock and Awe after 1 year


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I was on the phone with my Dad this morning to order a security system for his home.  Thankfully, I was off so I could help him through the website jargon  and saved him some money.  He does have insurance but that doesn't help with the sentimental items like my Mom's jewelry.  He thinks it is his neighbor.  My Dad is capable of protecting himself but it is so a violation.  Other that the police catching a person in the act, I don't know what we can do to protect our home.  Shalom, George

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I don't know, and even having a dog just alerts you if you're home.  I put my dog in a pen when I'm gone, so they can still rob my house...if I left him inside they'd probably just shoot him anyway, and believe me, I'd rather lose everything I own than my dog.

It's just hard to understand how someone can be so heartless.  I felt it was a neighbor when we were burglarized, they saw George and my son putting the new welder together and trying it out in our driveway, they decided they wanted it.  They took a lot of tools, they literally took the shop door off the hinges and bypassed the lock.

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7 hours ago, scba said:

One of the things about me is that I don't accept any of this As part of my life. I have this rebellion / anger inside of me that makes things more difficult. But I cannot make it dissapear, everytime I am faced with the consequences, with the damned secondary losses I am experiencing, I cry because his death has broken my heart, has wounded my soul, and how can anything restore it, heal it? This is sure a valley of shadows and tears. 

There are brief moments I think I accept it, but they vanish so quickly.  By secondary losses do you mean the things we now have to do because they are gone?  It's hard enough they aren't here, but to have to now do things that were thier 'job' is what drugs me down because they are more reminders.  

I never knew what a broken heart was til now.  So I don't know if they can be healed.  That is my dilemma.  This isn't some break up like in the tabloids or in college.   This is the real deal.  Plus neither of us wanted it, and oh yeah!  The other person is dead, not out there going on with life without us.  We are the ones stuck in that hell.  

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In case anyone else in here in a "frugalista" like me.......or just short on finances (also like me!), and you like to read......there is a very good source for used books, low pricing, free shipping......plus they donate to literacy causes......BettterWorldBooks.com      I've purchased from them many,many times......they have literally thousands of books to choose from, all genres.  Yes, books related to grief, as well.

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Grief triggers can happen when you least suspect it

I was fixing dinner tonight and got to thinking about the last moments when my wife was dying (I wasn't home).  I was so flooded with emotions, grief and tears, that  I stopped dinner and decided to write to my wife (journal) and poured out all of these questions that apparently have been swimming around in my head for awhile.  I had a good blubbering, sobbing, breath stopping cry.  When I asked all of the questions I could think of, I saved it and closed the journal.  It took awhile to recover and I'm not really sure what that was all about.  At some point, I may go back and read what I typed.  I feel lighter and more settled now. That's the thing with grief I've learned that I can face it, deal with it, and move forward.  I decided to share with everyone here so you will know grief happens to all of us who have survived a death even after a year or more.  Maybe it will help you to understand you are not alone, crazy or weird.  I am but that's a different story not just because of grief

I have another meeting with the Naturopathic Doctor tomorrow.  There was some more confusion and misunderstanding about office visits and product costs on the last visit.  I really do not like confrontation yet cannot afford a 60% markup on products either.  I requested that I have the option to buy my own products if I can find them at a better price.  He agreed.  I know he is buying them wholesale and selling them retail. He has that right.  I do not want to pay full retail when I can buy the same exact product at a lower cost.

I felt better for the first week following the doctors protocol and I have notice some improvements. The second week it seems like I felt like before so I'm not sure if it is worth the investment in this treatment program.  I will wait and see what he suggests for the next step.  I am thinking of doing something drastic changes in  my eating patterns (juicing and raw foods).  I have almost cut out all processed foods. My body was extremely weak today with leg, shin, and ankle pains making it difficult to work.

Good news! I did get a call for a move out cleaning for next week. I'll meet with them on Thursday to do an estimate and work out the details. I hopefully will get that job.  Shalom. 

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George, your post about writing in your journal was good and sound advice for us all.

About the diet/treatment, have you looked into the Hallelujah diet?  It was started by a doctor that says she healed herself from cancer by juicing and most of the diet is raw.  There is a lady in my church that has been on it for years and swears by it.  You can google it and read about it on line.

I hope you get the job you're trying for!  Keep us posted...

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Thanks MartyT.  I have read the article and understand the concern. 

There has been a battle for many decades between allopathic (medical doctors) and alternative medicine for a long time. 

Here is MY humble opinion.  I have looked for natural ways to heal my body rather than through man-made drugs.

I watched my wife's life gradually slip away after six years of being treated by MD's for diabetes until her demise last year.  I trusted the doctors and their plan of treatment and care . I have found there is a healthier way to treat Type 2 diabetes rather than increasing their insulin Insensitivity.

This opened my eyes to the TRUTH about the medical care system.   watch... https://go.thetruthaboutcancer.com/  The first two videos are free..

It helped me to understand a lot about our medical profession, how they are trained and who trains them.  I believe the standard medical profession means well. But, I was not willing to destroy my thyroid with the standard treatment of hypothyroidism.  There is a cause and there is a healthier solution.  Shalom - George 

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Good luck with it, George!  I know it takes a lot more effort to try to treat the cause than it does to just put a bandaid over the symptoms, which much of our Rxs do...unfortunately they open a can of worms that cause a whole lot of other maladies.

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I visited with my Dad Yesterday and helped him to install his security system.  I drove out the day before but when I arrived at his home he was too exhausted to work on it.  My Dad is 83 and in fairly good health.  He has always been active with his gardening, home projects, home repairs, etc... He had a triple bypass 10 years ago (95% blockage) and recovered well.  I have noticed that my Dad who was invincible and strong as ax ox has become weaker, a little forgetful and slowing down.  We have very different religious views and he has been quite vocal that he is right and I'm worshiping the devil.  I love and honor my father but our personalities are very different.  I have been visiting him every couple of months as it would cut down on "the gnawing time". His tongue can be quite sharp.  I don't want to be disrespectful but I have my limits. 

Dad asked me to help him to set up his security system. (In the past he would never ask for help).  Although he told us that when we grow up and get married to go and live our lives but you don't have to come by and bother us.  I took him at his word.  I would call periodically to check in.  There is a lot more family dynamics that I don't want to get into.  I was perfectly happy and content with my wife.  We tried to get together with family but there was always tensions.  Anyway, Mom died 8 years ago and his youngest son,(brother Pat) died 7 years ago in his home while sleeping.  So my Dad has been living alone except for my brothers dog, Sheba, that passed away two years ago.  My sister lives a few miles away and calls him, visits and makes meals regularly.

So I spent most of the day with my Dad mostly visiting and noticed that he is real lonely and misses the family companionship. Of course his pride would never say it.  So I need to make an adjustment in my life to visit him more often despite exposing myself to his religious wrath.  I notice him getting weaker and I am reminded that I am getting weaker too. 

This is another example of how life changes beyond our control and I need to face it and adapt to it.  I still miss my sweetheart.  Life was much better with her than it is now.  I missing her a lot today... tears... cry fest.. It is all a part of life.  Each of us has challenges in our life that to us is important.  Reading some of the recent posts, the tragedies that some people go through is so heart wrenching.  I know my troubles and challenges don't compare to their trials.  However, my trials are MY TRIALS, and I need to face them and deal with them as I am able by His Grace.  Shalom - George 

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This is so true George.  Family dynamics can be a powder keg ready to go off at any time.  I know I am hurting my sister by not getting in touch with her, but in the lawyer's office she cut me off because I dared speak, like I was one of her students.  I wish she had a companion, someone she could just talk to, someone to help her.  She has always pushed everyone away and lets me know she is satisfied with her own company and none other.  Still, we love our family.  I spent months trying to find a resolution to help her, but finally realized the situation was beyond my control or help.  We do what we have to do and right now, that is all we can do.  I think we were both brought up in strict homes, one that I ran away to marriage to get away from.  I was lucky.  I see what they mean about the hamburger generation.  A piece of meat stuck between parent and grown children.  It just came to me, I don't think any of us gets out of this world alive.  I wish peace for you George, and for all of us.  (I sound like Tiny Tim from The Christmas Carol.)

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Religious differences can devastate a family.  I was raised in a rather orthodox LDS home - relatives settled much of Centerville and American Fork, Utah.  When I hit mid teens many questions started to crop up and the more I looked for answers the more disenfranchised I became, not only with Mormonism but with organized religions as a whole.  I my mind the deeper I dug the uglier they became.  Naturally this took a toll on the relationship with my folks.  It culminated when I was seventeen, having moved out, when during one of the discussions I was having with my mom she started to cry.  My dad's response was a significant threat.  It took months to find a weak reconciliation and my parents never could accept the fact that I had researched and knew many religions far more than they had and my critical thinking skills led me to a far different place.  Sadly it remained an issue throughout the rest of their lives and as a result they never really knew their daughter-in-law nor their grandkids.  We stayed in touch calling weekly and visiting when we could but believe me trips to Disneyland were far more important than trips to see the folks and rehash over and over why I chose to request an excommunication.

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1 hour ago, iPraiseHim said:
1 hour ago, iPraiseHim said:

Reading some of the recent posts, the tragedies that some people go through is so heart wrenching.  I know my troubles and challenges don't compare to their trials.  However, my trials are MY TRIALS, and I need to face them and deal with them as I am able by His Grace.  Shalom - George 

I addressed this in another forum.  I truly feel our trials are the hardest.  We are the ones that have to live them.  I, too, read about the horrors some have endured and it is heartbreaking.  But then I think about my own and I don't feel anyone would have wanted to experience them.  You are right, my trials are mine to face and every bit as hard as anyone else's.  That is what makes this a community and family.  No one is out griefing another.

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Marty, I just said something similar in another thread. :)

George, I know it's hard spending time with a sharp tongued, quick-to-judge parent, my mom was that way.  I hope you can smile inside even as he carries on and know that the important thing is not what he says but that he feel cared about by your visiting him.  Maybe work out or spend time with a punching bag afterward?  I used to go on the treadmill when my mom called because it kept me from getting a headache when her sharpness was piercing me. :)  A friend once told me to imagine her words flowing down and out, toward the ocean, being carried off by the sea...believe it or not, the imagery helped!  Bless you for being such a good son!

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George and Brad, I'm sorry to hear that you had a distance with your parents. That religion, something that must unite people because the core values of them are the same in my opinion (love, compassion, honesty), must be the cause. This is something that doesn't relate in my life, so I cannot understand why. However, other "religion", which is money, has divided my mom's family after my grandpa died. The big table that reunited his family every Sunday blew up. He would be so ashamed and sad. He was italian and family union was the most important value in his life.

 

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Ana, my little country grandmother wrote her will on a Big Chief ruled tablet with a #2 pencil.  It was legal.  That little country woman saved up enough she was able to leave each of the six surviving children land and money.  She picked out the land to be left each "child."  I thought it sad that she put a paragraph in "Please do not fuss among yourselves."  She knew that was going to happen.  Mama wanted, and got, the prized girl's room furniture.  She had a houseful of furniture so she gave it to me, an RVing person that could not use it.  Those other kids, my cousins, they would have been much better off, or rather the furniture would have.  I put it out in the storage house here and forgot about it.  When I went to get something I found out the roof had leaked bad and the furniture that my mama had wanted so bad was ruined.  She never knew.  Things that mean so much to us might be meaningless to one of our grandchildren.  Money is nice to have, but if I won a million dollars, it would be gone before midnight.  I saw Billy's family fuss over his dad's meager belongings.  It was so sad.  I was so proud of Billy.  He said "I had all I needed from him."  They jumped on him wanting to know what he had gotten.  He told them, "I had his love."  Really, the little man had nothing else to give.  It was like vultures hovering over a grasshopper.  Sad.  

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Your grandmother was wise Marg. My grandpa died suddenly and he was young, there was no will left. His family made a "gentlemen agreement" which was not respected when other members of the family thought differently. The thing was taken to the Justice. Very, very sad.  I've heard of these stories very often.

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As was suggested by MartyT, I have moved my new postings to "Shock and AWE after 1 Year to "Living with Loss" since I have been grieving for over a year.  I will still monitor and exhort when I can. Shalom - George

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