Hospital Anxiety

[Mdc0128]

On February 24th, I went to see a friend in the hospital. She had been admitted due to an issue with her pregnancy. The entire time I felt like I was screaming and trying to escape the hospital. I was having panic attacks just entering into a hospital. When I looked at my friend in her hospital bed, I kept picturing my mom. The entire experience was horrific. My mom spent the last 6 weeks of her life in the hospital with complication after complication. I watched as her body shut down and no one could tell me why. I sat next to her bedside and pleaded with god not to take her yet.

Even as she was "getting better", I was unaware of the fact that cancer was eating away at her. I was unaware that the procedures the doctors were putting her through were useless because she had no chance at survival. To say the very least, hospitals scare me now. My boyfriend though was next to me and noticed that something was wrong. He's seen me have panic attacks and still smile and try to leave everyone around me blissfully unaware. He rushed the visit and as soon as I went outside, I took a deep breath, holding back tears.

Has anyone else gone through this? I worry I'm always going to fear hospitals. Its only been 3 months since my moms passing, but she was young and it was sudden. She had heart surgery, a stroke, developed gangrene, blood clots and on top of it had stage 4 cancer that no one knew about. I feel like I've lost trust in the hospital system.

[kayc]

Oh yeah!  I went through that about a year after my husband died, I had to go back to the same hospital because my friend was in there and his wife being my best friend, I didn't feel I could NOT go (he had COPD).  My husband died of a heart attack in there.  I couldn't stop crying, it was really hard.  My friend said, "You shouldn't have come" and I replied "I needed to come."  It's gotten better with time, I can make it through w/o crying now, but it took a long long time.  I'm one of those that believes in facing your fears, but three months is pretty soon.

[Mom's angel]

I too have lost trust in hospitals and even in doctors.

They kept saying that my mom is going to be fine, they made us trust them and then all of a sudden they said they cannot do anything.??!!

The view of the same hospital or any hospital feels me up with sadness, guilts, anger and fear. 

My mom was young too, she was just 42.. I just got  20 years with her. I'm changed in such a way that I can never go back to the old me, I hate this new me.

Now I won't see hospitals as a place that provides life but rather as a place where my mom died.

[kayc]

I lost trust of hospitals a year ago when I had a routine surgery and they over-anesthesized me and my heart stopped on the operating table.  Then they were dishonest with me about it, leaving me to find bruises to my chest when I went home.  I no longer trust them to do what is in my best interest and keep me safe.  As a result, I don't even want my dog operated on for fear of losing him before his time.