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Ok I Was Doing Fine This Morning

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This is super hard for me to deal with. I have no mother or father. Today my emotions are out of control ! This morning I was feeling ok. I had a few dreams about my mother that made me smile and made me feel that she was still with me. But then as the day went on, I realized those were just dreams and that she's never coming back ! And now I have a super big headache and feel depressed and can't do any work. I feel like going home and sleeping ! But what home? I have no home anymore without my mom. I'm so sad :( Today is Friday, and I'm having crazy flashback of what my mother did on fridays. Is anyone else going through the same emotional roller coaster? Everything is so conflicting. I see her in my dreams and she's so real, but then in real life she's not here !

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Yes, I too know of the seemingly irrational feeling that your Mom and Dad are with you somehow in spirit, then "wake up" from this dream and remember the reality of the situation. I am 44 and I lost my Mom in January, and I can barely function. I am not employeed, I lost my home after living there for 13 years, two of which was caring for my Mom who had COPD, a lung disease. Waves of grief will wash over me at any given time. I went to my old Church that now only gave Mass to about 8 people in the 70's-80's. I cried streams of tears and actually had the Priest hear my confession.

When did you lose your Mom and Dad? At the same time? How old are you? I ask these questions only to try and understand. We all grieve in our own ways and in our own time. I have seemingly insurmountable obstacles to overcome and my grief episodes, or depression which may not mirror your own situation. I am as scared and have as deep a feeling of hopelessness as you may feel you have. A day at a time, slowly and with love for ourselves and the memory of our loved ones, is the only way for most who grieve. Take a deep breathe, relax and say a prayer. Keep coming back here. I light a candle for my Mom daily at gratefulness.org , and I write her e-mails at the groWW site on their "e-mails to Heaven" area. I find it helps me feel connected with my Mother. God Bless and calm your spirit today.

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Hi Shubom

I am so sorry that you had a really rough Friday. Sometimes I really dont understand why this grief has to hurt so bad, and send us on such a "roller coaster" ride, this is such a deepfelt pain that becomes so very heavy, that sometimes I feel like I have gone crazy. I really do hope that someday, somehow we will all get thru this and come out okay.

Take care, Debbie


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I felt the same way when my father passed. He passed on a Saturday morning at 7am. Ever since he died, no matter when I go to bed Friday night I wake up at 7am on Saturday. Without fail I am up at 7am and its hard every Saturday. I feel very lost. There have been so many times when I wanted to pick up the phone and call him and tell him about my day and ask advice on tough situations, but I can't. My family grew up in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and next month my family and I are going home to spread his ashes. He always said he wanted them spread in the Pocono mountains from the time that I can remember and I am worried about doing this. I feel like he is dying all over again. It is something that he wanted and we have to do it but I feel so sad when I think about it because that is the final step before he is gone. I try to just keep telling myself that death is apart of life and eventually he would have passed, but it is still hard. Good luck, it is a tough situation, but I truely believe that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. So, hopefully we will all get through this and learn a lesson and we will be stronger.

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I know how shubom and Mark feel. (I've been going thru pretty much what Mark has, also. (Unemployed-actually underemployed, and previously a caregiver for my Mom. I also lost a home after being there for the last 10 years)

I went thru a serious emotional rollercoaster in November/December when my Mom died on November 7th. It was mitigated when I started grief counseling. I can only say that being in a grief counseling environment, just knowing that the other person comprehends on some level what you're going thru, was the factor.

However, the rollercoaster is back. Not as serious as before, but I think its just partly I've come thru one storm in Nov/Dec, and things calmed down a bit, and now I see more clearly what else needs to be done to pick up my life, then ***whammo*** I get hit. The other part may just be that's its the nature of the beast, this grieving thing.

I read somewhere in my grief lit that sometimes people adopt the habits/hobbies of the deceased loved ones as a way of connecting with them, preserving their memory. Maybe that's not so bad, keeping them alive, in a way, at least in our lives.

All I know is that I was touched by the posts in this thread, cuz I've also felt them.

"Been there."

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Shubom, I am so sorry for your losses. My mom died on January 15, 6 days before her birthday. Its a day I will remember forever. I think of mom a thousand times a day. Its the wonderful gift that we call love that keeps her in our hearts and minds. I would like to use part of Marty's post from another thread, it was very powerful, and I would like to share it with you if you haven't read it already. I feel it says it all.

"As Washington Irving has written, There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."

You are not alone Shubom, I feel your pain and your sorrow my friend, we all do.

Much love and blessing to you,


Edited by Seanboy
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