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How Do I Deal With This?


laurasc718472

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Guest Guest_Anne_*

Please someone talk to me. Tell me I'm going to get over this . I feel so terrible . I find it hard to be in the house. All I want to do is cry

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Anne,

I know the feeling. I never wanted to be in the house. After work, I would walk around the mall or run errands until I was tired. Then, I would finally go home, cry my eyes out, and start the next day the same way. Each morning I would wake up with red, swollen eyes reminding me of the night before. My eyes would feel heavy. That feeling didn't go away for a while.

It does get easier -- by easier I mean that when you think of Koko, instead of tears, there will be happy memories. IT TAKES TIME -- LOTS OF IT TOO!

Each one of us grieves at different rates...IT HURTS, I know. But you have to give yourself the opportunity to let it all out. I did. I feel better for it. You are doing the right thing. Some people turn their head to their feelings, but at some time it just has to come out. You are doing the very best thing by thinking of all the good times that you had together, by feeling guilty, by feeling mad........all those are very normal.

It's been only 17 days since I lost my Pismo. I wasn't going to cry today, but my friends got me an engraved stone with Pismo's name. When the UPS guy delivered it, I almost threw up it hurt so bad.

It just takes time. Everyone hates hearing that, but it is true. Once I cried tonight, my thoughts went else where for a little while until I came here. That's what time has given me. Time will give that to you too. Be patient. It will come..........promise. You have to do your homework too.

After the first ten days, I started telling myself that I needed to do some of the things that I had stopped doing because of my loss -- that was pretty much everything. I hadn't cooked, cleaned, paid bills, eaten very much, washed clothes..........nothing. So I made a pact with myself that I would do one thing each day to get back on track. It helped me. Some days I just fought it, but as little as it was, it helped me to feel better more quickly.

I'm not good at this grieving thing, all I can do is express my sympathy (and I am very, very sorry) and keep you in my heart.

Laura

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Guest Anne.I really feel it helps hear

Laura, Thank you so much for sending your message. It really helps hearing from someone who is going through the same thing.

I keep thinking ,tomorrow I'll have to feel better. I can't keep feeling so awful. Then I wake up at 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning and I get up and Koko isn't there . THe crying starts all over & I feel it isn't ever going to get better. She always came running to be with me if I got up at night,so now I can't even do that without feeling sick. !!

Laura ,do you find that having the kittens in your life is helping? I do wish you so much luck with them and hope that they will fill the terrible void that your Pismo left

When the vet phoned us to say that Koko had died (WE were out for a walk at the time)We went right to the clinic and were in such a state of shock that we didn't make arrangements to get her ashes. I do wish we had done that. I have sent 2 E Mails but as yet haven't received an answer, so I know it's too late now. I just couldn't go back there & the vet said she would take care of everything.. EXCEPT KEEPING MY KOKO ALIVE DURING A ROUTINE GROOMING !!!!!!!!

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Anne,

I'm going through the same things. I'm not crying regularly anymore, though, certain things trigger the tears.

I know what you mean about your routines, the emptiness when Koko isn't following you. Those are the hardest things to get past. I still haven't taken a bath because every time I took one, Pismo was right there with me lying on the rug.

Before I got the kittens, there was a website that I read that discusses how soon should you get a new pet.

It's:

http://www.pet-loss.net/newpet.html

I know that I'm not replacing Pismo. I got the kittens to bring life back in my home. The kittens are so very full of it. It's exactly what I needed. You have to decide for yourself when is the right time. Some people decide that the pain of loss is so severe, that they never end up getting another pet.

I just know that I made the right choice for myself. I've only had them four days, but there is not one regret. They are so cute and I'm already hooked. I took them into the vet tonight because they both have nasal symptoms. I noticed the symptoms when I first saw them, but the guy that fostered them said it was probably stress because they hadn't had symptoms until that day...Yeah, right. The vet said that most likely they have a herpes viral infection. Just my luck. It's not in their eyes, so that's a good thing. So both of them are on antibiotics. This is something that can be recurring or nothing else may ever happen. I'll have to see.

Just know that the pain does alleviate with time. I'm very surprised that I'm dealing with the loss of Pismo as well as I am.

Hopefully each and every day will bring you less and less pain.

Laura

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Guest Guest_Anne_*

Hi Laura, day 6 today. I'm not doing too well today. I don't feel I'm ever going to get back to feeling right again. I have found another helpful site. It's called "rainbowbridge.com" If you want to see a picture of "Koko" Susie has one of her on her site.

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  • 2 weeks later...

DAY 28 -

I can't believe it's only been 28 days....The sadness comes and goes. I miss my little Piggy Boy.

I see your picture every morning when I open the window. It makes me sad that you're gone. I miss you.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and had to give blood. When the nurse brought out the butterfly needle I just lost it. It was the same kind of needle that I had been giving Pismo sub-q fluids with. I hadn't cried in days, and the sight of that needle made the tears pour out. I didn't even expect that reaction.

The nurse thought I was scared to give blood..........I don't really care what she thought. I miss you Pismo. I'm sorry that I had to put you through all the pain and injections and doctor visits -- all the things that scared you. You were pretty brave in the end. You just sat in your carrier being the proud kitty that you were. I miss you boy.......

The kittens are Nike and Puma -- Nike because she's got this "Just Do It" attitude like the shoe manufacturer. And Puma just to keep it in the shoe family. They are great cats -- not much personality other than PLAY personality. They are little hellions..........dashing and running and climbing all over. I can't believe they even try to climb up the wall. I have to put them in the other bedroom at night so that I can sleep. They are so cute. They have even started purring when I pet them :)

Anne, I hope that you are doing better. I hope that your days are a little easier. I know the days will never be the same again, but some of bring smiles.

I LOVE YOU PISMO!!!

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Guest Guest_Anne_*

Day 18---

Hi Laura, I'm so sorry that you are still having such a bad time. I can't believe how depressed I've been. I find that I'm alright if I'm out ,until someone asks about Koko .As soon as I start to talk about it ,I start to cry. It's so annoying. I tell myself that if someone asks I'll walk away ,but that's not always possible. I still can get almost panicky when I think about it. It can at times take my breath away. I see her everywhere, she lived in every corner of this house. I tell myself that she still lives here ,only now she lives in my heart. We went to the cat show last Sunday. They had so many lovely cats & kittens . ,Yet they will never do the same things Koko did ,so I think I'll wait for now. As I said I still have my cat ,only now she lives in my heart> Anne

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Anne,

That sounds beautiful.........she now lives in your heart. You sound much better. I'm glad. It's very hard to deal with losing a pet that was in your life daily, one that you cared for and one that showed unconditional love. You are right about another cat. There will never be a cat just like Koko, nor one like Pismo. They were very unique pets.

Getting another pet does not replace the one that is lost. Never. I didn't get the kittens to replace Pismo. If I looked at it that way, I would resent these little babies. I don't. They are the sweetest little things -- mainly little devils, though :)

Just last night for the first time, they were settled enough to sit in my lap and fall asleep. I'm sure there is more to come.

Glad that you're still here!

I only lost it when I saw the needle......I wasn't even expecting it at all. It's the craziest things that remind me of him. But I smile a lot when I think of him. And like you said: he "now lives in my heart." I love that!

Take care.

Laura

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  • 4 weeks later...

DAy 58

Wow, it seems like forever since I've written anything on here. Pismo, I still miss you. I still cry every once in a while. The kittens are starting to get a personality -- a recognizable personality other than PLAY....

Some of the things they do remind me of my dear Pismo.

Almost three months later, and there are still tears. I miss the little things that you did -- our nighttime rituals, your drinking out of the faucet, your laziness, greeting me at the door when I came home.

You were the best cat ever!!!! You were an original. We just clicked. We understood each other.

I miss you dear Piggy.

Thanks for being in my life..................................................

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