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Hello My Name is Shannon I am new to the forum. I lost my significant other of 6 years only 4 months ago. We shared 4 children together and life is just not the same. I cant figure out why I am numb, frozen and slowing down. Things have gotten very hard, I truly don't want to express how hard. The pain I feel is crazy but I keep striving to be positive and to also find a new identity in this process. Nothing is the same. I started a blog only a week ago called grievingd.com dedicated to him in hopes of finding other women(or anyone) who has lost their partner because I feel very alone in my battle I wanted to express my feelings truthfully and freely amongst individuals in hopes to connect and help heal. I lost Damian to murder so connecting with people who understand that part as well were my hopes. Id like to hear other stories and also have the wisdom of others as well. Hopefully this site can give me this , but I would love for other women to connect and share their stories as well and hear me vent lol...

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Shannon:  Read on.  You will find yourself somewhere among all of us.  Some of us are angry, some of us are agitated, some of us are angry, agitated, hurt, terrible pain, all kinds of feelings.  You will find yourself among us.  Just read on.  Also, Marty posts things that help.  You see, grief took away a lot of my memory, not of Billy, just things like where I put things, things I bought without remembering, things I said, and still do not remember.  Things that help someone that hurts someone else.  If it can be thought, if it can be felt, you will find it on this forum.  I am so sorry you lost your significant other, and I am sorry the way he left.  Somehow, no matter how,  when they are gone, they are gone.  You will find a carbon copy of your feelings here.  Read on.  And saying "welcome" is such a terrible word to say to you, but here we are.

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Shannon,

You are not alone any longer.  You have just joined a group that will listen and care and walk with you through this if you want.  Although murder is not as common, you are not the first here to have experienced that, and I'm sure Marty will come on here and post some helps for you.  There are a lot of threads here and you can start reading any of our stories...if you go to our profiles and read our beginning posts you'll likely find where each of us began...

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Hi Shannon,

I'm fairly new here myself. I lost my husband 5 months ago. You are right, nothing is the same. Nothing will even be the same. This truly is the hardest thing that I ever had to go through.

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It's been 9 1/2 months for me and I feel the same...this is the hardest thing I will ever have to endure.....

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Shannon, my dear, I’ve just read your post The Funeral Director on your blog, which describes so vividly some of the horror you’ve experienced in the wake of this tragic death, and I my heart just hurts for you. I am so sorry to learn the details of this tragic and violent loss of your beloved Damian, and sorry too for the traumatic cloud surrounding you and your children in its wake. I cannot imagine the rage you must feel at the apparent indifference of the people you’ve encountered in the funeral industry as well as those in law enforcement.

At the same time, I am very grateful that you've found your way to this warm and caring place. As you’ve already discovered, we welcome you with open arms and loving hearts, and I know you will find safety and compassion here.

You say you hope to connect with people who understand this particular type of loss. Because this was a death by homicide, I want to point you to some resources that I hope you’ll find especially relevant and useful.

As a survivor of homicide, I encourage you to learn what you can about the subject. See, for example, My Daughter Was Murdered, which describes issues unique to survivors of homicide. Take a look at the book What to Do When the Police Leave by Bill Jenkins; see also Bill’s Web site, WBJ Press and Will’s World.

Another helpful and informative book is No Time For Goodbyes: Coping with Sorrow, Anger, and Injustice After a Tragic Death, by Janice Harris Lord. (Click on the books’ titles to read Amazon’s descriptions and reviews of each; if either one interests you, ask for it at your local library.)

Empowering Bereaved Families is an article from Open to Hope that features a video interview with two people who lost a loved one to murder. One of the guests went on to form Violent Crime Victim Services, which seeks to provide services in the community for the victim/survivors of homicide. Healing After Murder is another informative article and video on Open to Hope’s website.

The Violent Death Bereavement Society offers information for family members after violent death. Another organization is NOVA – Network of Victim Assistance, with an article that vividly describes all the losses and drastic changes involved, because of the suddenness of the death and the stigma of the murder itself.

See also the many links I have listed on the Traumatic Loss page of my Grief Healing Web site. Such sites will assure you that you are not alone in this tragedy, will offer you some ways to better understand and manage your grief, and will help you to recognize that if others can survive this most devastating of losses, then you can do it, too.

My dear, I don’t mean to overwhelm you with too much information. I offer these resources to demonstrate to you that you are not alone in this horrific loss, as there are many places “out there” where you’ll find useful information and support. If you don’t have the energy or the time to investigate any or all of them, you might ask a family friend or relative who’d be willing to help you do the research.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to acknowledge that you cannot do this alone. You've already taken the first step by sharing your story here, and I hope that you will follow through with some of these additional resources. My heart reaches out to you, and I wish for peace and healing to your broken heart.

 

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Shannon.  I just read some of your blog.  I am so sorry.  I honestly am at a time I cannot even think up words for the horror you and your little ones had to go through.  I cannot find words for that funeral director.  Sometimes our lives are hard, but my child, I pray for peace for you and your children.  I wish your blog could be put in a newspaper just to show people what horror you had to go through, not with just the death of your loved one, but the way you were treated afterwards.  

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Shannon,

Have you been back on?  I hope you've had a chance to read the links Marty sent to you.  If you ever feel the need to be heard, we're here.

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