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Shock & AWE after 1 year


iPraiseHim

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I find myself in this mid-world of transition from  intense grief, shock, anger, and just beginning to accept this new life without my beloved wife.  The last few days feels like I'm slipping back into the old patterns of grief and tears.  Just when I feel like I'm making progress, reality grief bites and nips at me and then extreme loneliness.  It is times like this that I feel like I should just keep silent yet that further compounds my loss.  I am making positive changes with my sleeping, food, health, exercise, etc...I did pick up an extra job this week and now I'm physically exhausted at the end of each work day.  I hope for a new day tomorrow with more new mercies.  - Shalom

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Hi George,

Oh, how I remember some of those feelings you are expressing right now. Even though it does not seem like it you are making progress you really are.

You may have seen this link before but I'm adding it here because some of the links at the bottom of message are quite good.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/02/grief-in-second-year-finding-your-way.html  

All the positive changes you are making are steps forward. Tomorrow is always a new day. 

Anne

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Oh good, George, you got the job you wanted!  And you ARE making positive changes for yourself, that's to be applauded!  I'm proud of you and I know it will benefit you in the long run.

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I can relate, George.  I feel the same way.  The motion of grief is not a smooth, set one.  Today I am missing Mark so much it is hard to breathe, but I am continuing on as I have been.  I still am not real motivated to do much more than necessary, and I still find myself exhausted by weeks end.  But I am learning to not be as hard on myself because things SHOULD be done, but it isn't a true priority.  There was an analogy I found on a post somewhere along my journey....that grief is like rolling up a ball of yarn.  Sometimes it jumps out of our hands and rolls across the floor; yet it NEVER completely unrolls.  so we pick it up and begin rolling again, just in a different spot.  Kind of helps me visualize the ebb and flow of grief....the spiral motion it has...not really staying in the same place for very long.  Some times we just need to stop, be still and breathe until the minute passes.  YOu are making strides on your journey, George.  

 

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Thanks everyone for the encouragement.  I have a heavy workload this week and it is straining my body to the max.  At times it feels like my muscles are going to give out.  It doesn't help to be down either.  Taxes due, paperwork due, etc... I am thankful for the work but it has been a tough week.

I visited my Dad after work and brought dinner to share. I helped him get his security system activated with the monitoring company so he can feel safe to go to his church on Saturday.  He seems to be thankful for my help. :D

It was nice to have a call tonight from a friend who checks in on me periodically. I am still hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day.  Shalom

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Praying for strength for you, dear George, to get what you need to get done today.

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Thank you everyone for lifting me up in prayer.  My physical pain was less today.  I also picked up another job in two weeks for a special cleaning.

I woke up thinking about taking a weekend respite like I did back in October.  It was the first time I took a small vacation in over 10 years.  I asked for and have the cabin reserved in the mountains for four days.... That will be an equivalent of one full week of vacation.  I am looking forward to a break from working.  It is a beautiful mountain area. My spirits are better today. I am grateful.  Shalom - George

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George, I'm so glad you're going to take some time for YOU!  I hope it's a time of restoring and replenishing, we all need that!  Since I retired, I kind of feel like I'm on vacation at home, even though I'm doing volunteer work.  It's nice to get a good night's sleep and be home with my pets and enjoying nature.  When do you go?

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