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mittam99

Why this board is so important to me

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If it wasn't for the Grief Healing Discussion Groups, I'm not sure I could have progressed the way I have on my grief journey. This is an astoundingly good resource for those of us in deep grief. When I first joined here, I was utterly devastated. My world felt as though it had ended when my darling wife Tammy died just a few weeks earlier. No one I talked to in my "real life" understood the devastation, no one seemed able to comprehend the depth of my sorrow. All I heard were cliches like "She's not in pain anymore"or "She's in a better place" ...

Here at GHDG, I can talk to others who understand the angst of this life of grief. The members here are full of compassion, understanding and real empathy. It genuinely feels like people care. There are things we can talk about here that friends and family wouldn't "get". All we'd get from them is a deer in the headlights look and maybe some considerate nods of their heads. 

I want to thank Marty for creating this wonderful place and for everyone helping me along the way.

Mitch

 

 

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I feel the same way...when I talked to people in my family (what a disaster) or personal life, I either got platitudes, criticism, or at best support that was clearly limited. I felt like I was going to lose whatever relationships I had left by hanging on people emotionally, and while they were concerned, the support was somewhat limited. My grief counselor has been terrific, but I talk to him once a week... Since I invested so much time in taking care of my dad, I was not investing in developing my social network. The first year I lived in my new community, I was working long hours, terrified of losing my first job in my new profession, grieving my mother (even though we hadn't been close and I was mostly relieved, all hope of anything better was gone too), and trying to recover from a respiratory infection that impacted me for six months, during which I could not exercise, sing, drink iced beverages, and so on. I hid in my condo like a little cave teaching myself to play my great-grandfather's violin like my life depended on it because it totally removed my mind from the terror that I was in free fall. Then, a year later my dad moved out here and my focus shifted to him and being a family with him, while continuing the music and settling into my professional life.

Losing my dad was much worse than losing my mother, and the last three months have been really difficult and I felt SO alone and absolutely lost, like a kite in a high wind whose string had been severed. Finding this forum has been so helpful, and it has been so good to have the empathy and concern from people at different points on the same path. I also value doing my best to add to the community by reaching out to others and contributing what I can. It has been so healing! However, I am really starting to think I should change my user/login name. Can I do that?

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I would like Clematis, if that is ok, to remind me that I am more than my grief, of where and who I am, and so that I can stop forgetting the name of this flower that I love...

Clematis.jpg

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Thank you so much for assisting me in changing my display name. And even more so I thank you and all of the folks on the forum for helping me. When I first arrived here, I felt absolutely alone and lost (and it was only two weeks ago)! Now I feel more like I have a map and am on a path, even if I did not choose this particular section of the path I am on. I also feel much less alone, even though I am still living alone with Lena my cat.

One of my most difficult times has been heading home from the school on the reservation because this drive has always been such a push from so far away to care for my dad and to try to make some dinner that he would eat. Now I look forward to see what is new on the forum...and today I was eager to get to my own house to photograph my beloved Clematis plants that are just starting to flower before it was too dark. With this urge, when I actually went into my own home came the thought that it might be a good thing to eventually be back there and not hiding out at my dad's. This was really the first time I didn't feel totally despondent upon entering my own house since my dad's death. Perhaps there is hope after all..here they are...

.Clematis Single1179.JPGClematis bunch1180.JPG

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One of my very favorite flowers, Laura! I remember having a gorgeous purple clematis vine growing on a yard light /trellis in front of the first house my husband and I bought as newlyweds many, many years ago.  

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I first discovered them two years ago, the summer I barely left my porch and flower-painting there. I was crushed to see them die away in the fall, and then ecstatic to see them return in the spring. This year they are even stronger...I hope I can find time to paint them! But, I've gotten a lot better at painting flowers, and am pretty fast...seems promising

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