If You're Going Through Hell

[Gwenivere]

All my thoughts for Tatum.  Just had one dog thru surgery so I know how scary it can be.  Let us know ASAP.  🌺

[widow'15]

1 hour ago, KarenK said:

Please keep our big dog, Tatum, in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, if you will. She is having surgery for a torn ACL. This is her second go around. Three years ago, her left rear leg needed this surgery. Tomorrow, it is her right rear leg. No problems expected, but she is a bit older and a bit heavier now. Recovery is long and tedious(several months), especially as she is a rambunctious dog to begin with. It has been a challenge this last month as we waited to see if it might heal on it'' own, but no go. She can't run or jump or lay on the kitchen floor. My house looks like a Pokemon maze with baby gates and card tables cordoning off room and separating dogs.  Such is life.

KarenK:  Tatum, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow and during her recovery.  Every few months I take Maddie into the veterinary hospital for her treatments.  I am always amazed at the tenacity of the dogs walking out of the vet. hospital on a bandaged leg.  They are unaware they had surgery it seems.  Good thoughts going your way.  Dee 

[MartyT]

Yes, Karen ~ We are thinking of you and hope for the best for your Tatum . . . ♥

[kayc]

Karen,

Tatum has my prayers.  I hope it's a simple surgery and she heals quickly from it.

From what I am hearing, this is just how Chows are.  He's very sweet, very mellow,but very different from my wild-eyed boy that I'm missing so much...Arlie never bit anyone, never for any reason.  I will continue to walk Joe but will be more cautious.

Does Tatum growl because she's not feeling well?  Joe is deaf and losing eyesight, I don't know if that factors in, maybe.

[KarenK]

Tatum definitely growls at Marley if she's not feeling well. She never bares her teeth. It's more of a "don't touch my stuff" growl. It is Alpha vs Alpha. Marley just wants to be left alone, but Tatum constantly wants to lick Marley and herd her around, just her nature. When Marley's had enough , she runs to me for help or will bare her teeth. They are both very possessive about affection. They have had one fight in the two years we've all been together. If one drops her bone, the other has to have it, even if they have their own. Reminds me of little kids. They will sleep in the same room, but never share the couch. Marley is not a sociable dog, while Tatum loves everybody she knows. They are both great alarm systems and unwanted visitor deterrents.

Dropped her off at the vet this morning. She was very nervous and hyper. Price presented was $1000 more than the original $1800-$2000, so we questioned the doctor and he lowered it to the original, which is bad enough. Have already spent $700 on x-rays and meds. Three years ago, surgery was around $1600 and x-rays about $400. Time flies and so do prices. What are you going to do? She is a member of the family. It's times like these, you wish you had that pet insurance.

[Gwenivere]

Chows are the only dogs I’ve had experience with extreme aggression so I am biased.  I’ve seen pit bulls cause problems at the dog oark when I went there but not with my kids.  I had a neighbor once whose chow was determined to kill my dog and me if I got in the way.  They were bred for protection and unfortunately this one was chained all the time which I believe makes a dog more aggressive if that is in its nature.  I do hope Joe becomes more socialized with your walks.

[widow'15]

3 hours ago, KarenK said:

Dropped her off at the vet this morning. She was very nervous and hyper. Price presented was $1000 more than the original $1800-$2000, so we questioned the doctor and he lowered it to the original, which is bad enough. Have already spent $700 on x-rays and meds. Three years ago, surgery was around $1600 and x-rays about $400. Time flies and so do prices. What are you going to do? She is a member of the family. It's times like these, you wish you had that pet insurance.

KarenK:  I hear you loud and clear.  "What are you going to do?"- they are family.  Last time as I sat waiting for Maddie's treatments I got into a conversation with a dear lady who was waiting to see her 2 year old fur baby whose sudden illness had just interrupted a weekend trip and had run up vet bills of thousands of dollars.  The treatment would cost thousands more.  Overhearing  her telephone conversation with someone, she was even planning to cancel a trip to Europe while her baby recovered.  I also heard she had "pet insurance"  thank goodness.  As we got back to our conversation, I commented on her good planning on pet insurance.  I told her, I didn't have pet insurance.  We both laughed when I commented, "I will probably end up having to share my Maddie's dog food someday".    If I would ever attempt to own another pet, the insurance would be considered for sure. 

Hoping recovery time for Tatum is short.  Dee

[Margm]

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I do hope Joe becomes more socialized with your walks.

I cannot take up for the Chow for the aggression because I have seen it and I have seen a personality in a dog I have never seen before.  We tried to keep him in the house, but he broke through window and screen.  I was never scared of him.  I had a feeling this animal would give his life for me and he actually did give his life saving my mother as the raccoon would have attacked her and the poison would have killed her, the very poison that killed Bear the next day.  He showed aggression toward Billy and Scott to keep them away from the dead raccoon he knew was deadly.  He protected them with his aggression.  Would I ever have another one............not if I lived 100 more years.  They do not belong in the humid southern climate and they need surgery done on their eyes to keep them from being infected.  Yet, he was the most magnificent, most honored animal I have ever had.  Do I think they are dangerous.  I certainly do.  I loved him.  He gave his life for my mother's.  It was in his instinctive protectiveness that saved her.  I can never forget him.  This was many years ago and I am sure the man who put the poison out for animals is long gone, as are the neighbors we knew.

[Gwenivere]

Marg, I think the chow I had problems with was more the treatment by the owner to make it that way.  Whenever I see a dog chained I cringe at what it does to them mentally.

Dee, my fur babies are my heart and soul now.  Last surgery was $2400.  I did cut out some things they wanted to do I knew were extraneous.  I’m torn on pet insurance as it is so costly.  I keep money on the side and add to it when I can for emergencies.  Besides, for me without Steve, there isn’t anything or place I want to go to.  I’m so glad we got out of the debt he brought to the marriage from his former marriage which they denied themselves nothing and became credit card companies favorite kind of people.  That and getting a financial advisor to make investments who knew what he was doing.  I wish everyone could be financially secure as it’s scary to have to think about making choices about basic needs.

[widow'15]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

Dee, my fur babies are my heart and soul now.  Last surgery was $2400.  I did cut out some things they wanted to do I knew were extraneous.  I’m torn on pet insurance as it is so costly.  I keep money on the side and add to it when I can for emergencies.  Besides, for me without Steve, there isn’t anything or place I want to go to.  I’m so glad we got out of the debt he brought to the marriage from his former marriage which they denied themselves nothing and became credit card companies favorite kind of people.  That and getting a financial advisor to make investments who knew what he was doing.  I wish everyone could be financially secure as it’s scary to have to think about making choices about basic needs.

Gwen:  You sound a lot like me, although you are a much younger version.  I remember you saying a while back your fur baby was going in for surgery so hope she is all healed now. 

As you can tell from my responses, Maddie is my heart, soul and my reason for getting out of bed everyday.  I have 2 grandchildren, but don't live close enough to see them very often.  I spend very little money on myself such as beauty shops, clothes shopping,  traveling, gambling, etc., all the things so many others my age do.  I feel fortunate and thankful I can keep my fluffy companion with me as long as I can.  Maddie and I have a fairly quiet (boring) life.  But, as long as she is here with me, it is my life.  

Hugs for our fur babies.  Dee

[kayc]

Dee, I feel the same as you do, my Arlie was everything to me.  It's like I am missing my passion and joy now, he has long been my incentive.  Kitty and I are getting slightly closer but you know it's not the same, not at all.  All cats are different, some closer than others, but this one is unique for sure.

Karen, how is she?  I'm glad you confronted the doctor about the change in price.  They did that to me with the teeth cleaning...which we never were able to get because Arlie wasn't healthy enough for it.    I hope she's back home and recovering how...

 

[KarenK]

Just brought her home. Surgery went well and she is doped up, resting. Robert has been very sick with the flu for 3 days living on Dayquil and Nyquil, but didn't want to see a doctor. Hopefully, they will both feel better soon. And life marches on............

[Margm]

17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Marg, I think the chow I had problems with was more the treatment by the owner to make it that way.

Gwen, Billy had raised hunting dogs, Boykin spaniels, labs,  golden's, and even tried the Chesapeake Bay Retriever.  That dog would not let me and Kelli get in the back yard.  None were chained.  We had a big wooden fence I could not see over.  I took the hair spray out with me one time as I still had clothes lines and that dog took the hair spray away from me.  We let him in the house to protect the meter reader and he went directly and pooped in a new pair of Kelli's shoes.  Billy gave him to  a duck hunting friend.  He obeyed orders from Billy perfectly, but that was the meanest dog I have ever been around.  Now Bear, he was a danger to anyone that even came close to any of us.  He was so over protective (might have been a trait) that we actually were his people, he was not our pet.  He would just laugh and come up to us and throw all his weight sideways against us, not jump up on us.  He was adorable with that and we loved to love on him anytime he would let us, which was only when he wanted us to.  I just loved his quirkiness and when he died, I had the phenomenon of hearing him panting walking behind us, and he was going to show all those big horses that he was boss.  That was when I saw him having fun.  Otherwise, he was like a Mafia gang boss protector and he was our protector, and yes, he was dangerous.  And no, I do not think anyone should own one except someone who lives way away from people and he is used as a protector.  His hair was so thick and long and beautiful that when he was a puppy, he would turn his head and he looked like a bear cub.  We lived on the lake when we had him and he would stand in water up to his nose to cool off.  I was never afraid of him and I actually cry in thinking about him.  He is a breed of dog that should only be used as a protector because you can never own him, he owned us.  Crazy how much he meant to me.  I won't have another.  A cat is her own person, pups are devoted, lovable pets.  Bear was a different breed.

[kayc]

Karen,

I'm glad she's home, I imagine you're busy with doctoring her and Robert!

Marg,

My sister and her husband owned Chesapeake Bay Retrievers, Willy was wonderful, sweet, gentle, but Sam bit my BIL on the lip, almost took the lip clear off!  They had him put down.  Dogs vary even within breeds, even when they're treated well.

Arlie too, was a protector, like your Bear, I'm glad no one ever challenged him on it!  I felt safe with him when alone at night, but I always worried what if someone came and shot him so they could break in...I'm glad no one ever did.

[Gwenivere]

Was in the ER again yesterday.  Lots of tests, looking like they are now going to zero in my heart.  I also had very low blood suger despite a healthy lunch.  Still facing the heart echo Wednesday.  I’m so sick of feeling awful.  My TSH is remarkably improved but I feel worse.  Anxiety rules as much as my back and leg pain.  I don’t know how much more I can take of this alone.  It’s only the inate fight to live.  My mind says the opposite.  I keep getting suggestions of people to hire to go with me and that ramps up the depression.  I didn’t have to hire Steve.  It won’t work with strangers.  We need someone that truly cares and loves us.  It was so lonely leaving knowing I was coming home to the same.  Going to volunteer today despite the pain and depression.  Dreading the upcoming heart test because I know something is wrong to cause the extreme edema and don’t know if I can take another next test to scan arteries for almost 3 hours.  I always answer no when they ask if I ever feel like going to sleep and not wanting to wake up because they take your possessions and make you talk to a social worker.  Yet another stranger who could have you admitted for a 3 day watch with no communication like the iPad for support.  It's all so draining.  To top it off I was so weak I could barely hold a pen.  Add more fear as my blood sugar was too low despite a healthy lunch.  And anxiety?  Thru the frigging roof!  Worry about my dogs.  Spent 5 hours there.  No definitive answers.  Tried to write this there but I was trying to get thru it.  

Jusy had to unload here. No one else to talk to that knows me.  

 

 

[widow'15]

39 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Was in the ER again yesterday. 

Jusy had to unload here. No one else to talk to that knows me.  

 

Gwen: So sorry you are going through this AGAIN.  Please know you will be my thoughts.  You can unload anything, anytime here.  I know how it feels not to have someone waiting with you and sharing your pain.  Hugs and hopeful wishes.  Dee

[kayc]

Gwen,

It seems you're in a nightmare, and I hope you get some relief soon.  Yet with all you're going through, you volunteer.  I get it...it's all we have and none of us likes to be alone.  If it is your heart perhaps they can do something to help it and you can start feeling better.  I have a sister going through it right now, one medical issue after another, but she has a husband taking care of her, what a difference as we all know.  So hard to be the one that's left.

[Margm]

I have mentioned this so often, eighteen years after my grandfather passed, my grandma said it seemed like it was yesterday.  We are moving during the month of November.  and I give no specific date because I will be paying a month's rent in both places.  I have had things stored mostly in my dining room and last night at midnight, Brianna went into a mad, insane rampage of cleaning out that storage area.  Why?   I cannot even move anything into the apartment until November 1st, and I am not going to vacate this apartment until the week before November 30th. The same company owns both apartment complexes.  If they are going to double bill me, I am not going to let them make triple the money.  The manager was asking if my dining room had carpet, and no it doesn't, but she was already planning offering it.  Too bad.  I have a lease, never been late, no complaints.  The apartments are only less than half a mile from where I live now.  Can have a W/D and important to me is two bathrooms.

Last night the memory kept worming its way into my brain, "I had him with me four years ago" and this morning on Facebook, I had 12 memories in that section.  You know  how it hurt me to write memories down and go back and read them.  I have not read the memory I wrote on here three days after he left.  He was a wonderfully complex, simple, egotistical, loving person, a perfect contradiction,  that was Billy.  When I  first met him he told me his name was William Raymond, which meant mighty protector.  His name is Billy Ray and will always be.  He helped take care of my dad and he totally took care of his father.  It haunted him that he would pick him up to give him a bath and his cancer ridden body would break bones.  He could not stand for me to give him a bed bath and he was my baby, it was an honor for me, and he knew it.  What can I  say?  He went from a cane to a walker to a wheel chair in a matter of days and when he held his hands out to me to let me know he  had to leave, I slapped them down and turned  my back.  He pulled me through months of fighting my double cancer and was with me every step of the way.  I had his strength when mine was gone.  The family was all in my room when the nun came and prayed holding my hand.  The cross was on the wall of the Catholic hospital.  They all expected me to die, but two weeks later I was up out of the bed.  I never knew I was dying.  Billy was not going to die either.  But, he did.  With no fanfare he just held out his hands and was gone.  

Mama passed less than 10 months later.  I had no sad feelings.  I  was with her and I closed her eyes.  That spark in her brain called Alzheimer's had burned out.. She  had wanted to go so many months before.  We had lost Mama a long time ago.  This just released that exceptional brain.  When I closed her eyes, I told her to tell Billy that I was so sorry, he had to know I just was not  going to let him go. 

I was going today to visit my friend who is dying in the nursing home.  She was a secret night drinker, and after years and years of this, her two sons put her in a nursing home..  A vivacious personality that in grade school climbed out one of the school windows with a group of the boys.  No reason, just mischievous  kids.  That was long ago when the principal was allowed to use a paddle to "correct" the error of our ways.  He was a good man, we all looked up to him, and all were afraid in our own way too.  He would stand up and had a wonderful superior air of authority about him..   So, my friend took the paddle just like the boys.  She was the life of any party, now she is almost forgotten, but I just cannot get out of the apartment today.........not yet. 

Word salad #????  Angelversary #4.  But who is counting?  The scar tissue wears thin today.   

[brat#2]

My heart is with you Marg and you are in my thoughts today.  Hugs

 

[Margm]

I have to put this picture.  My daughter had it.  It says enough without words.

[kayc]

5 hours ago, Marg M said:

this morning on Facebook, I had 12 memories in that section.

I'm glad they didn't have FB when George was alive, I think they had MySpace but we didn't get into it that much...if I had FB slapping me with memories, it'd be hard.  There has to be a setting to turn them off.  I do have George fishing as my wallpaper there, and once in a while it asks if I want to change it...hell no!  Thanks for asking!

[Margm]

Y'all get a kick out of this, after four years I had one person tell me to "keep busy."  It was "liked" by someone who had told me about three years ago to "keep busy."  I wrote a reply, but deleted it.  One woman's husband lives with their kids and grandkids and she lives alone most of the year on the old home place.  She cannot miss her husband or she would be with  him.  The other one took care of her husband seven years and is very busy in her church.  Some days  I like to dig my hole a little deeper.......when I'm not too busy.  I'm proud of myself for controlling my red headed roots.

[Gwenivere]

I went and looked at my Facebook account and has the same reaction I always do.  Get me outta here!  My page didn’t change, but looking at some 'friends and family' was overload.   Maybe it’s just me, but most of it seemed boring and inconsequential.  I really feel itis a way to avoid personal email.  This place has a foundation, we know what we are here for even when we go off tangent a bit.    I’ll stay old fashioned and personally connect with my buddies.  It’s different conversations by person anyway.  Ah.....Facebook is like getting the newsletters in Christmas cards.  Hmmmmm.....I’m grumpy today.  

 

[Margm]

My family uses it mostly to keep in touch with  each other at night.  I have been known to get into political squabbles but since I don't understand politics (oh gosh, sorry I said that word), all I do is pick the splinters out of riding the middle.  And, I keep up with classmates and people I used to work with as far away as Kansas now.  Some of my friends who just lost their husband are having a hard time and thanks to this forum, I am able to tell them nothing they feel is wrong, we all walk different paths.  But one begs her friends to understand her and I understand her and a lot more do also, but she wants people around.  I don't.  I have plenty.  Her kids are no where close.  All any of us can do is help hold each other up.  Sometimes the scar tissue is thin, sometimes it is gone, but I worry about my two grown children mostly.  That's enough, this has been a long day.  It's okay to be grumpy, anytime you want to.  

[widow'15]

On 10/17/2019 at 10:25 AM, Marg M said:

I have to put this picture.  My daughter had it.  It says enough without words.

Marg:  Love, love this photo.  Speaks loudly of the man you love.  Peaceful and beautiful.  Dee