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If You're Going Through Hell


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5 hours ago, KarenK said:

Marg, your remark about being "in pretty good shape for the shape you are in" made me think of the old Kenny Rogers and The First Edition song "Just Dropped In To See What Condition My Condition Was In".

I stick mostly to "murder and mayhem". Maybe I was in law enforcement in my past life.  lol

Every time I think about or hear that song I envision how it was used in The Big Lebowski.  🙂

But yes,  it can be so easily paired with grief.  

I read murder and mayhem stuff too.  Avoid like the plague true crime about what people do to each other.

I noticed today the lead guy for Jefferson Airplane died.  Been seeing a lot of people from my early music and film days and realized I’m reading obituaries!  My parents used to do that.  I was from the live forever generation.  Even seeing pictures of how my generation has aged floors me.  Band reunions and such.   Many play casinos up here.  Saw Nancy Wilson on late night.  Voice is still there, but looks so different.  Saw interviews with Pat Benatar and Blondie and how they can’t hit notes as they did.  Harrison Ford and Jeff Bridges are actors I see that age makes them better.  Meryl Streep and Glenn Close too.  Wonder if they all have pharmacies at home like me for the aches and pains.  🙂

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35 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

 Even seeing pictures of how my generation has aged floors me.

I left "home" for 20 years.  I must have been Rip Van Winkle.  I didn't age a day.  Everyone else got old.  "Oh the power the gifter gives us, to see ourselves as others see us."  Or as Robert Burns said it  “O wad some Power the giftie gie us, to see oursels as ithers see us!”  Something is lost in the Scottish language.  I adjust my hair, look straight at it, make sure my shirt is not sitting on my hips (oh how I hate that), gotta swing free, and my socks and sneakers are on.  I think I would break my neck in a pair of flats.  (At 76, who looks anyhow.).  Especially when I am with a gorgeous 19-year-old Amerasian beauty.  I'll stop now.   

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The ol' valley is inundated with rain from remnants of a tropical storm. Received 2' in about 10 hrs, which is probably nothing to a lot of you, but is a rare sight for us. Rained so hard for a few hours that water was coming in around the furnace stovepipe. That's a first for me. The desert doesn't know what to do with all that water so it flash floods everything. Wonder how many "stupid" motorists will require water rescue as they attempt to "ford the river." Always a few, even though there's a law against crossing the barricades with stiff fines. High and dry here and plan to stay that way.

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Two FEET???  That is a lot by anyone's standards!  I have never seen rain like that, thankfully, although I have had it break through the stovepipe and have had to put some black goop around it, up on the roof.

You doing okay, Karen?  Stay put.  I hope it's over.

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Whew!  I'm relieved, I've seen 2", that's enough!  Nice to get some rain, we've just had a bit of mist or sprinkles here, still in drought but they think it'll end next month.

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I think our other Florida member moved back up north somewhere, but Marty, guess you are in the path of this tropical depression that looks like it might gather in New Orleans also.  Batten down the hatches, and I am sure you are an expert at meeting this head on.  My thoughts and heart are with all the people this might cause trouble with.  I'm sure we will get the clouds and rain, but I love clouds, just not angry ones.  Thinking about you.  👀

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Huh?  They didn't mention anything on the news last night, guess I must be missing something. 
Looked for it, here it is:
https://triblive.com/usworld/world/14156399-74/still-far-off-tropical-storm-michael-a-growing-menace-to-florida-panhandle
I'm glad you're on a hill, Marty so you won't be flooded.  Keep safe!  Maybe you headed to your kids' place first?

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On 10/3/2018 at 8:55 AM, kayc said:

Two FEET???  That is a lot by anyone's standards!  I have never seen rain like that, thankfully, although I have had it break through the stovepipe and have had to put some black goop around it, up on the roof.

I'm a "survivor" of Hurricane Harvey. I was living about halfway between Houston and Galveston Island at the time. 66 inches worth of non-stop torrential rain. I moved up here to northeastern on Sept 9th last year with my casual clothes, some books, my computers and 2 TV's. Everything else was destroyed by the flood water. Nasty stuff.

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Y'all,  I went back to the house we lived in.  No feelings toward the house but I became aware of one thing of grief that I knew, unconsciously knew.  My neighbor (former) that lost her husband two months after Billy left, they were friends, we were all the same age, give one year either way.  They were high school sweethearts, grew up there, all kin live around and near.  She had a new single wide trailer moved into a part of land close to the house.  That house got too big also.  I knew that feeling.  If that had been home, I had five more city lots I could have put a single wide trailer with a front porch, but it still would not have been home.  People get angry when you repeat what Thomas Wolfe said "You Can't Go Home Again" and you can't because home was your mate.  I moved back "home" and will have my family all close, but when you lose your mate so late in life (or anytime) you don't make plans.  One thing I admired about my dad, his cancer was terminal and he was buying plans for a log cabin to be built on my mom's land.  Mama let him plan, of course.  I wish I could see my children and grandchildren happy and settled in a relationship.  That is my only "plan."

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3 hours ago, Marg M said:

when you lose your mate so late in life (or anytime) you don't make plans.  

That is so true and how I live now.  I definitely don’t make plans now.  Just do my daily 'get thru another day' routines and call it good enough.  A lot is I don’t know how to make plans alone.  A big drawback of no friends or family.  Age is another.  Many things I would like to do I physically can’t.  I’d love to volunteer at a shelter (dog or homeless), but I’d only be good for sedentary jobs I would hate.  I barely get by at the nursing home now.  

Another reason is I don’t care about much any more.  I hear this little voice in my head saying......we might not even be alive come then.  I have an acquaintance who is always asking me why I don’t buy this or that because I may say it looks cool.   She definitely doesn’t get that tangible stuff Is fun when you are happy, not when you struggle to get dressed everyday counting the hours you can go back to sleep.  She’s in love of stuff to share with her partner.   

Before, I bought lots of stuff for the pantry, house and personal care,  never passing up a sale. Now I buy as I go as it’s no fun anymore.  Steve would always try and trip me up about not having spares, but I always did.  I don’t stock up on much anymore.  Then again, so little gets used when you are alone.  One thing that goes fast around here is peanut butter.  Probably 2 jars a week.  My furry kids and I eat that every day for lunch.  Used to have to buy chunky for the lad, but it’s now just a creamy house.  😢

I do hope you get to see your kids and grandkids happy.  Those are good plans.

 

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Marty,

I hope the storm keeps at bay, at least doesn't hit too hard.  You've already had yours for the year!

Darrel,

I remember that, you were homeless for a while, or living out of your vehicle, right?  I imagine you took what you could fit in.  Must have been a very hard time!  We all need our safe haven.

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5 hours ago, kayc said:

Darrel,

I remember that, you were homeless for a while, or living out of your vehicle, right?  I imagine you took what you could fit in.  Must have been a very hard time!  We all need our safe haven.

That is true Kaye. I try not to dwell on finances. No matter how much worrying about it that I do it never seems to change reality. So why waste time doing it. We always planned for me to retire when I turned 67, but Cookie's body wouldn't wait for that. I had to do it at 62, which really affected how much I get from social security now. It isn't easy getting by on less than $1100/month. But if I had it to do all over again I would do it the same way. (I guess I'm a glutton for punishment) lol! Cookie needed me when she needed me. It is what it is, but it does create some unpleasant stress every now and then.

1971447424_images(1).jpeg.ecc6e952a0bc648f9ebc65cad4f5574d.jpeg

One foot in front of the other (oops, I almost stumbled)...

Darrel

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19 hours ago, olemisfit said:

One foot in front of the other (oops, I almost stumbled)...

That's cute, never would have thought of that.

I get way less social security, I also had to retire younger than I planned due to the recession and bad eyes, but I didn't start drawing out until a year ago so went through my savings meanwhile.  Ahh well, it's only money, right?  Roofs seem to keep taking it.  Why do they time houses to get older when we do?

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I started out this 3rd anniversary in the doc's office with acute mucopurulent bronchitis.  I could have left that mucopurulent off, but it just seems to make it more important.  Shot of Rocephin and bottle of Tussionex along with Bactrim.  If Billy had been here, I would have taken myself to doctor, I did that lots of times, but he always had to have me go with him, and go in the office with him.  

So, I will honor him with a picture before the beard, (actually, I think he had just started growing it) a picture when we were a family, harried often, but that was a family one time.  I miss him.

The top part of the picture is of Kelli's bed or pillow, guess she took a picture of a picture.  It wasn't my picture, it was her's.  She posted it and a lot more this morning because it had been three years today.  My kids still hurt too, of course, always will.  Strange though, I loved my mom and dad and they were individuals in their own self, but I never left my kids with them much.  Not because I worried about my kids bothering them, they just were not loving grandparents, or parents.  Sometimes this happens.  Billy's folks were so loving and loved to have them stay with them, but Kelli never got to know Billy's dad..  They were already old when they were babies.  

3rd.jpg

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So sorry to hear you have medical stuff added today of all days.  Great picture of your family way back when.  Hope you get to feeling better soon.   I had to take Bactrim and it wasn’t a kind one in my case.  

Tight hug for you today, lady!  🦋

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You tell yourself it is just another day like yesterday, like tomorrow, like last Sunday.  And it is, we know that, they all are the same, as my grandma said after 18 years, it was like it happened yesterday.

Thanks Gwen, needed that hug.  💗💗💗

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You gals keep on the mend!  I hate antibiotics, they mess me up, don't give them to Arlie either, he'd have to be life & death first, I try healing him naturally, he can't tolerate them.  Don't know which is worse, the malady or the "cure"!

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13 hours ago, Marg M said:

You tell yourself it is just another day like yesterday, like tomorrow, like last Sunday.  And it is, we know that, they all are the same, as my grandma said after 18 years, it was like it happened yesterday.

Thanks Gwen, needed that hug.  💗💗💗

We send you big hugs Marg. 

It is, yes, just another day, the same as yesterday and tomorrow because they`re not here with us. This year, year n.4th "happened" a month after the anniversary. 

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Today is our wedding anniversary.  It's a beautiful weekend and we would undoubtedly be heading to the coast.  How life has changed without him to share in it with me.  It's like it's gone from living color to black and while.

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