If You're Going Through Hell

[TomPB]

What kind of new partnership is possible when my mind is full of my soulmate (48 yrs of unconditional love) is, for me, one of the most important questions for going on with my life.

[Gwenivere]

Unseasonable is a nice way to put it.  We’ve never been slammed like this in February.  Going to break records.  I can get around somewhat but many places were closed.  2 more storms coming.  The weight of it brought down some huge limbs in my yard.  My satellite tv is hit and miss when you really need/want it.  No fresh foods at the grocers.  Widow down in Tacoma is caught in the same mess.  Even when the storms pass, temps are staying low.  I’ve always hated snow unless it didn’t stick long.  Not this time!

[kayc]

Coldest temp I've ever been in was standing out in -12F waiting for a bus for two hours, Eugene OR http://joedorishweather.blogspot.com/2016/08/record-hottest-and-coldest-weather_64.html

[Margm]

We had some very cold temperatures at night, down into the 20's a couple of times and at one time thought I might have to get my coat out of one of the boxes.  Just lows in the 30's and 40's at night and up into low 70's in the daytime.  Poor little flowering trees all get fooled by spring temperatures, then freeze up this time of year.  Don't miss the snow at all.  They have a recipe to de-ice steps using Dawn liquid, hot water, alcohol and said it would keep working.  2 gal. hot water, 2 T real Dawn, 1 T. alcohol.  Have not tried it yet.  Have not had to.  But it is only middle of February.  We get fooled with cold weather later on.  

[kayc]

I can't imagine weather in the 70s this time of year!  Sounds wonderful!  My little sister is in Egypt for six weeks, she said it's in the 60s there, it looks way more inviting than snow!

[iPraiseHim]

On 2/12/2019 at 7:55 AM, kayc said:

I can't imagine weather in the 70s this time of year!  Sounds wonderful!  My little sister is in Egypt for six weeks, she said it's in the 60s there, it looks way more inviting than snow!

 

Oops!  60's today, 70's tomorrow.  Then dropping back down in the 40's for the weekend.  I'm 20 miles from the Atlantic ocean though.  Thankful for no snow or extreme cold... praying for you Kayc.  Shalom

 

 

[kayc]

Aww, thank you, George!  It's snowing right now although not predicted to amount to a lot today, I don't mind 1-2", just hate the large amounts I can't keep up with!

[mlg]

On 1/31/2019 at 4:51 PM, Kieron said:

Today at work, it was a day from hell (aside from the temperature out there!).  I miss being able to come home to someone that can listen and help me laugh off the stupid stuff I saw and heard, and help me to not take it seriously.  My boss doesn't want to hear about it, my friends wouldn't "get it" and telling it to the cat isn't the same.  Mark would just say, "Oh well, I love you anyway" and that would be enough to brush away any lingering "stuff" from the day I had just had.

My poor dog has to take all my wrath.  I so miss Tom's teasing. He could almost always make be laugh even though I might try to not show it.

[mlg]

I'm sitting here reading these posts and have had so many of these experiences.  I was lucky to make so many good friends in my grief support group and we have done things together.  Although I love them and enjoy them I hate that "widows" seem to be the only people I can hang out with and feel comfortable.  I had a friend who lost her husband last summer and one of the times I went to visit her, she said I have to apologize to you.  I was a little confused. She said that until now she had no idea what I was going through and she felt bad about it.  I told her that no one knows what it is like until they are there.  I think that is the problem with other people but I want them to do as many things with their spouse as they can because you never know when they won't be there.

Marge M, I too have a friend who was never able to grieve her first husband. It was Christmastime and she had 3 little kids expecting Santa. She has told me she will need me if something happens to her present husband because she was never able to mourn the first so it's going to be a double whammy.  I hope I'll still be around to help her.

We all want our friends to be happy, our kids to live their lives but that doesn't make it any less lonely for us.  Several of us were talking one night and totally see how some of the left behind spouses become alcoholics.  It was be so easy to try to drown your problems but that will only bring more problems.  None of us has the perfedt answer but we have everyone on here and can be totally open with them 

So cheers to us.

[kayc]

7 hours ago, mlg said:

Several of us were talking one night and totally see how some of the left behind spouses become alcoholics.  It was be so easy to try to drown your problems but that will only bring more problems.

Yeah, eating your problems away doesn't help either! 

 

[kevin]

Ground Hog around here said early Spring(didn't see his shadow?)...But since New Years it has been Cold , record Cold in some places...On that note, Looking forward for some warm dry weather........Outside twice trying to rough in some shelving, less than an hour both times.....going to 32 F tomorrow...that's warm so good weather for shelving...have a good evening...

[kayc]

Kevin, I'll be glad when it gets above freezing for you!  A lot of the time here it doesn't get above freezing...another cold front coming tonight, ugh!  Sick of shoveling snow.  This would be so much easier if shared with George!  If he was here, we'd probably have a snow plow, but I am not mechanically inclined, so I shovel.  It'll either keep me young or make me old!

[Margm]

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune

I don't think my mama was afraid of anything but nursing homes. Last night/this morning I read too long. It was 3:00 am and that jolted me. I put the sleeping music on and my ear buds in. I heard the slow rhythmic beat of my heart. Wait!!! I am not supposed to hear that, OMG, means something. Then the old paranoia hit me, and I don't know if it is fear of living or fear of dying. I tried counting the beats and became more afraid. They were so loud. So, I sat up to face my fear directly and figure out if maybe my body was telling me something. Well it was. I had the ear buds fixated wrong and I was hearing the clock ticking. Not my heart at all.

Just the old stickler fear growing to something you have to face, even if it is comical and foolish.  The slightest dizzy spell, anything off kilter makes me think "Elizabeth, this is the big one."  And you have to be old, or watch Red Foxx reruns to catch that one.  

Addendum:  Kay, I am into the "Two Old Women" book.  I love them.  Ages 75 and 80 and if my mom had been of sound mind and body she would have been the 75-year-old one.  They hurt in all their joints, they complain, yet in that cold snow, carrying around the embers to keep a fire going at each "camp" it is uplifting, especially the end.  Don't throw us old people away yet.

[KarenK]

Marg,

I picked up "Two Old Women" at the library today. Plan to start it when I finish my current murder mystery. I read  about 30 different authors, so I jump around a lot.

As we get older it is scary to realize that we are not immortal. I probably never thought much about that until I lost Ron and Debbie. The problem with my heart is not hearing it beat, but with how it beats hard enough to shake me sometimes when I lie down. I seem to "work" in reverse. My BP goes up when I lie down, instead of down. But, I've been all checked out and stamped "acceptable", so .........  I'm sure a lot of it has to do with only sleeping around 4 hours at a time. I have yet to figure out how to stay asleep.

[Margm]

It was the Native American's way to tell their stories and pass them down.  I suppose that is the way legends are made.  If there were really these two old women, years and years ago, then they need written about.  They felt deserted (they were), their feelings were hurt, but then the survival instinct took over and I notice we have a survival instinct, all of us, even wanting to leave, we really don't push it.  The old women had a purpose to each other.  And what tickled me was their complaining of hurting, not wanting to get up from their warm spruce beds covered with fur.  What I love is they got their memory back, they remembered what it was to survive, and even if I told you  the whole book it would not ruin it for you.  We are all what legends are made of.  

It is a short easy read.  And, I did just about tell you all the book.  Somehow, it shows an old dog can remember his old tricks if push comes to shove.  

[kayc]

I ordered the book for my sister, her birthday is coming up and I'm buying her a bunch of things I think she'd like.  Nearly eleven months ago I didn't know if I'd have her for another birthday, this year I'm very grateful I do.

[kayc]

15 hours ago, KarenK said:

Plan to start it when I finish my current murder mystery.

It's a short simple read, I read it in one afternoon.  I couldn't put it down!

[Margm]

[KarenK]

I read the "Two Women" book yesterday.  Thought it was pretty good. We all do what we have to do to survive.

Have been dreading the extraction of my 4 front bottom teeth, but decided I had to bite the bullet and get them out. Constant infections and getting worse over time. Been waiting for 3 months for my insurance to respond to the dentist with their estimate of a partial, but couldn't wait any more. Just got back from the dentist. Hurt like hell to get the gum shots, but I survived. Every tooth extraction makes me think of poor Ron having 13 teeth pulled in one day. He was so much stronger than I will ever be.

[Gwenivere]

Good gracious, Karen!  I hope they gave you some good pain meds.  Insurance companies, I feel, deliberately complicate things to hold onto that money.   I’ve had similar dealings with them I know they wil pay eventually, but I get to suffer while they red tape it all.  

[MartyT]

Dear Karen ~ from all of us: 

 

[Margm]

Karen, the book, The Two Old Women was short and rather juvenile other than it showed two old women who thought they were left all alone in the world to face all kinds of terror and on top of everything else, their joints ached, they hurt to bend over and pick up the sticks they had to find in the snow and they had to reach back in memory on how to catch animals so they would not starve.  Squirrel broth one meal, meat the next, they had to keep up their strength and between the two of them they built up a couple of seasons worth of food that their tribe did not have.  They shared, but only as they gave it out.  I think it was just telling us, in a fairy tale sort of way, a legend of two old women, that deep down, if we reach far enough we might find resources to live that we didn't realize we had.  To the tribe they were just two griping, bitching old women, but when push came to shove, they were stronger than the whole tribe.  It was just sort of a parable, but it sure felt good sleeping on those spruce (cannot remember tree mattresses) with the fur laid on top and then crawling under the fur in the mornings, to 80 or  75 year old legs and arms, it just felt better to lay there.  They did it though with urging from each one.  I was at the laundromat today and a woman about my age (her husband passed away three years ago August), and she just had to have heart bypass, no relatives with her, one of the women from the apartments stayed with her nights for two weeks.  She did not know her, it was just the kindness of strangers.  We were washing clothes and we both had to sit down, our joints were hurting. Kelli (daughter) is a retired nurse and she helps take care of some of the elderly at her apartment building.  She was a born nurse, just like Billy.  She has two more teratomas (they are tumors, not malignant, but will grow) on the back of her head and the Cleveland Clinic wants to wait three months, the neurosurgeon is going to see her sooner.  He wants to do some kind of ablation to get to the root of them.  She has them along her spine they  can do nothing about.  She is afraid, so am I.  She's tough.  

I hope your teeth do not give you too much more trouble.  They wanted to put implants for me, I asked were they guaranteed and they said "no."  Well, the prices quoted me about five years ago were so much it was not worth it.  The antibiotics I would have to take forever would kill me.  I'm not gonna hang around long enough for all that pain.  They wanted to draw blood and I wouldn't let them.  I'm not taking any more pills.  Pain pills will kill me too.  

I'm back reading C.J. Box's new Joe Pickett novel.  I've played around with so many authors, but The Two Old Women was just a legend passed down........hey, it could happen.  Sometimes we are tough old goats.  

[kayc]

Karen, wishing you speedy healing and hope the insurance speeds up their response as well, dealing with them can be more of a pain than our physical pain sometimes!  I've only got 1/2 my original teeth, a bridge in front, fortunately it isn't noticeable.  I don't have dental insurance as they wouldn't cover my dentist anyway and I'm with the third generation of a family of dentists I've been with all my life, not willing to take a gamble on someone else!

With what's going on in my neck of the woods:

I've shared many pictures on FB you can see here https://www.facebook.com/kaycstamper
The latest I saw was of flooding over the highway but I didn't share it because I want to confirm it is where the poster said it is...if that is the case, I don't know how long before we can get out.  We are dependent on supplies from over the highway so we are truly cut off and will be in need shortly.  Haven't heard if the gov't is even aware or cares what we're going through.  Electricity is again spotty and phone too, we had church w/o electricity Sunday!  Flooding is widespread and getting worse.

42 years here and I've never seen this.  The news reported 5" rain since Sat. Actually I have 9 3/4" since Friday, but I'm at a higher elevation, it's hitting here harder.

[Margm]

I remember Prince Charles being thought of as dumb when years ago he warned of climate change.  I've had a new respect for him. 

 

[KarenK]

Kay, so sorry you are facing yet another weather challenge. Sure hope you can get supplies into your area. Saw pictures on the internet and it looks awful.

We are twins again! I  have 12 teeth left, but will be losing one more that has broken off. I've always taken care of my teeth, but they have sure not returned the favor. Will go back in 3 weeks to be measured for a partial that can be added to, if necessary. The pain has eased a bit, but I look kind of like a werewolf now.  lol  Guess that's fitting as wolves are my favorite animal. Will definitely not be going out anywhere until I'm presentable.