If You're Going Through Hell

[Gwenivere]

Oh Kay!  How awful.  Dogs do remember other dogs that hurt them and I hope Kodie is not around the dog that did this. I’ve been in that situation and know the anxiety it creates for you both.  Definitely extra TLC time.

[KarenK]

Kay, I hope your little guy is doing okay. I'm sure he was very frightened. I checked out the Alaskan Klee Kai when you told us his breed as I had never heard of it before. What a special little dog and quite rare.

Sending hugs for you and Kodie.

[kayc]

No broken skin, I think it burst his bubble of innocence that the world is a safe and good place.    Lani took Joe in 4 1/2 months ago, he is the chow I've been walking, I do not want Kodie with him again.  Lani is a dog trainer and she wants to work with Kodie, that means she'll have to have Joe outside whenever Kodie is there, they must be kept apart.  I'd rather have Kodie unsocialized and untrained than dead from Joe's mauling.  He is the sweetest little pup, he really has a wonderful personality and I find that even more rare than his breed.

[Gwenivere]

I agree with you, Kay.  Keeping Kodie away from the chow.  One of the harmful attacks to my dog and myself was a chow.  Great with its family, doing what it was bred to do outside it.  Not just warning barks and stances,  but attacks.  It’s nice you’re neighbor wants to work with Kodie, but I sure wouldn’t want to take the chance.  Is there any reason the 2 dogs will ever need to be in each other’s spheres in the future?

[kayc]

They have a large place and Joe is very able to be outside when she's working with Kodie, the rain/snow won't bother a chow with all their fur.  She's promised to keep them totally apart.  Joe is the dog I walk but Kodie will be in his pen when that takes place, safe and sound.

[stacy n.]

Sorry to hear about this.

[kayc]

Just found out I might have skin cancer in two places and I need to find a new dermatologist who will do the surgeries.  Not easy at the holidays, doctors don't want to work.

[MartyT]

So sorry to learn this awful news, dear Kay. Do keep us posted . . . ❤️

[brat#2]

So sorry Kay, that is scary news.  My brother has had several skin cancers removed and has been fine, if that helps any.  Try to stay positive (I know easier said than done).  Hugs

[kayc]

I had Melanoma removed in April, I wasn't expecting this as my August appt. was fine.  My sisters and both parents have had it.

[Gwenivere]

K     So sorry, Kay.  Drat, it’s not fair that we are hit with more stuff than usual when we have to deal with all the mental issues.  You, George, Brat, Marg, me.  Everyone else seems to have something too.  I know we are getting older, but geez.  And let’s have all these things happen during the holidays, shall we?  It’s not like we need extra energy to survive those more than most.  Heck, pile it on!  

I went to the ophthalmologist today and totally spaced telling her about the glare I have at night driving, I was scared about the double vision I’ve had.  She didn’t see anything wrong which was good.  Tomorrow is vet day for my eldest.  Would put it off but they are discounting visits by $25.  It’s a recheck she needs but I’m so tired.  My counselor called to change our phone session next week from Tuesday to Monday because of family stuff.  *sigh*  Got an invite as every year from former friends for New Years and a band gig on the 23rd because of night driving and pain.  It’s another family thing with father and son in the act plus a bday.  

Family.  My dictionary lost that word a long time ago.  We are a little one since I have the dogs and birds, but not good conversationalists. It’s never going to be the same.  The definition I knew does not and will never exist again.  It’s a useless word to me now.  Everything is 'I' statements.  I miss we.  

[widow'15]

15 hours ago, kayc said:

Just found out I might have skin cancer in two places and I need to find a new dermatologist who will do the surgeries. 

kayc:  Sorry to hear you could have skin cancer.  Were you a sun worshiper in the past ? 

I have had a "thing" on the front of my leg that looked like a big liver spot that has been looked at by a dermatologist years ago and was told it wasn't anything to be concerned about.  About three months ago it started changing in size,  raising in height and itching.  I've tried all sorts of creams to help relieve itch to no avail.  Finally called a dermatologist and can't get in to see her until late February.   Of course, I have my name on a long waiting list for cancellations.  Seems we're all in this same boat. 

I hate the word "melanoma".  It was a melanoma on my husband's back that opened up our world of cancer.  The melanoma was removed, some lymph nodes removed with no worry about melanoma issues.  Unfortunately the followup ct scans showed he had a tumor in his bladder.  He never suspected bladder cancer as he had no symptoms of bladder cancer.  His bladder was removed, came home and had to return to hospital due to an infection.  He was facing chemo once he recovered from the infection and the original surgery but the night before he was to come home he passed a clot and could not be revived.

Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping you can squeeze into a dermatologist office before too long.  The waiting and worrying is the worst.  Dee  

 

   

[KarenK]

Gwen, cataracts cause night glare and halos. Not saying you have them, but I do. I am definitely lax about going to the ophthalmologist. Used to have vision insurance when I was working, but lost it when I retired. It was the one thing the union didn't bargain for for retirees, I guess. All those years ago, I was told I had the beginning of cataracts, but not enough for surgery. I just keep buying $1 reading glasses in stronger strengths.  LOL   All laughing aside, I used to have a prescription pair for reading and driving. Bifocals gave me a terrible headache. I can get by in the daytime as long as I don't have to read a street sign. After dark, it is absolutely scary so I really try to stay off the street. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until I got caught leaving the grocery store in the dark last week. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone. My doctor visit is considered medical so insurance covers that. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and pay for "real" glasses, I guess.

It's nice that you've been invited to some festivities. Perhaps one of the party or band gig invites could give you a ride if you feel up to going. It's not "family", but it beats sitting at home. I'll probably celebrate with the dogs. Although my family is here, they are in their own world.

[widow'15]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

 Everyone else seems to have something too.  I know we are getting older, but geez.  And let’s have all these things happen during the holidays, shall we?  It’s not like we need extra energy to survive those more than most.  Heck, pile it on!  

I went to the ophthalmologist today and totally spaced telling her about the glare I have at night driving, I was scared about the double vision I’ve had.  She didn’t see anything wrong which was good.  

Tomorrow is vet day for my eldest.  Would put it off but they are discounting visits by $25.  It’s a recheck she needs but I’m so tired. 

Got an invite as every year from former friends for New Years and a band gig on the 23rd because of night driving and pain.  It’s another family thing with father and son in the act plus a bday.  

Everything is 'I' statements.  I miss we.  

Gwen:  Yes, do miss the "we" word so much.

Hope the vet visit works out for Ally.  

Have you thought about looking into wearing amber driving glasses.  They are supposed to help with the night driving glare from cars.  If you wear prescription glasses the glasses fit over your prescription glasses. My night driving days are over.  Dee

[Margm]

19 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Family.  My dictionary lost that word a long time ago.

No, it did not lose the definition.  We just made up a new one.  My granddaughter has different DNA than I do.  Heck, even my sister's and mine are not exact.  I think I am kin to probably 3/4 the population of at least two counties, no make that three, and Billy is kin to another county (parishes in Louisiana).  But the "kids" I get together with once every  20-30 years are so, even if they all are getting so old it embarrasses me to be seen with them, they are family too.  The women I worked with and retired at two hospitals, they were family, and those people you go see at that nursing home, you are the only family they see sometimes.  I'm hurting in places I am not supposed to hurt, cannot eat out unless my bathroom is within a couple of miles from where I eat, lots has changed but damned if I don't have a washer and dryer.  It is so much more educated than I am, but it gets the clothes clean and dry and I don't have to use those big concrete steps again.  My friend wrote me she has two months with no treatment, maybe six with treatment.  It is in her esophagus and stomach and she can't hold anything down.  This is my heart sister, and somewhere along the line she and I are kin and  her husband was kin on the other side, but they are not really family.  (How can I say that, of course they are if for no other reason than I have known her since first grade.) And, that's a long-long time.  I will have my sister, daughter and granddaughter for taco's on Christmas day.  They gave Billy six months, he lasted a little over a month.  You know we did not talk about it other than my telling him it was not gonna happen, and he knew not to argue with me.  

And what are we?  In the family of man we will not be at each other's table, but we will be in each other's heart.  How can that be any more than family? You all are part of my family.  You helped save me.

It is 2:00 a.m.  I got into a Netflix "Virgin River" series and I guess I gotta go to bed.  Don't forget us Gwen, you know you are not forgotten but life sure can flip us up, turn us around and drop us on our head. 

(And Kay, you can get ear buds that attach to your Kindle or I-pad if you have it and go to sleep listening to the Bible.  I don't think it will make you see any better, might not make you feel better), but it will put you to sleep.  

 

[kayc]

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I was scared about the double vision I’ve had.  She didn’t see anything wrong which was good.

Double vision indicates an issue, I'm sorry she didn't have an answer for it.  Years ago I was having double vision, it got so bad that when I was backing my car into my driveway I didn't know which garage to head for!  That was when I knew it was time to get help.  I got eye therapy and she gave me some very simple exercises to do.  Turns out my eyes weren't tracking together, I needed to train them to.  I picked up cheerios with sticks.  I tied twine to a doorknob and followed it to/from me with my eyes.  I made a balancing board and stood on it while a ball swung from the ceiling around me, following it with my eyes...you'd have a hard time with that one.  But these were very simple exercises and they worked.  This was in '93, cost me $900, my ins. wouldn't cover it.  Well worth it, it enabled me to keep driving/working.  But other things can cause double vision, my sister had it after her car accident years ago, had to wear a patch over one eye and switch it every four hours, she did that for a year, hasn't had it since.  It could be a side effect from medication, you might look on line to see if any of your medications has it listed.  If it continues, maybe try another doctor if that one can't figure it out.  I don't want you to continue having this and it to cause you to fall or have an accident!

I've tried the amber glasses, didn't help me.  I have Fuch's dystrophy of the corneas.  I also have cataracts but they aren't yet ready for the surgery.

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Everything is 'I' statements.  I miss we

Yeah.  It's been a long time since it's been a "we" for me.

 

7 hours ago, widow'15 said:

Were you a sun worshiper in the past ? 

No, we played outside as a kid but both parents and all us kids have had this except Peggy has never been checked, that scares me.  Her way of dealing is to bury her head in the sand.  She's never had a colonoscopy either and she's 75.  I told her, colon cancer isn't a good way to go!  But she doesn't listen.

Dee, I'm sorry it brings up bad memories of what your husband went through.  I've had so many people make offhand comments like SKIN CANCER isn't a big deal, "at least it's not REAL cancer!."  Yes, it is.  And it can kill.  I've told people not to minimize it, skin cancer treatments brought on my dad's fatal heart attack.  It's not nothing.  But people are ignorant and don't realize it.  Their stupid statements I take as an opportunity to educate.  I know they don't mean to come off like they do but it doesn't help.  I'm sorry your husband went through so much, I know YOU went through it with him, as we do with the one we love.  But now we're all going through things by ourselves, no one to drive us to the doctor/hospital, no one at home caring.  It's hard.  I think the lack of emotional support is the hardest.

Karen, I know you can live with people and still feel so alone...that's how my marriage to my kids' dad was...23 years of it.

Marg...it's 2 am you're writing, I woke up at 1:30 and never got back to sleep even though I'm so tired...I don't know what's going on with my insomnia lately.  I've been told I need to trust God.  What else can you suffer from besides insomnia where you're responded to that way?  It's not like I WANT this!

 

 

 

[kayc]

I just had to share...I do not have skin cancer and no further treatment is needed!  It's been eight days I've been waiting for the results but they're operating with a skeleton crew this week.  Now I can celebrate!

[Gwenivere]

Fantastic news, Kay!  What a relief.

[MartyT]

Oh Kay! We are SO relieved to read this good news about your biopsy ~ and I'm sure you're even more relieved than we are!  Yay!

[Gwenivere]

Not to trample on Kay’s great news, but I am back in the ER andhave been waiting for over 2 hours for a room.  I couldn’t take the pain, tremors and lack of sleep.  My doc was unreachable as always.  Just got a bed in the hallway with no privacy.  I always hate hate this as you have no nurse call button, no phone, no TV and feel insignificant with all the activity out here.  What fun undressing in the hall.  My first visitor was the financial person to make sure they get money.  What angers me is I was told there were no rooms and they took the next patient after me to one.  I guess I shouldn’t judge, maybe they are in severe distress.  

I got the doctor from hell.  Had him before and he asked why I was back as I’ve been in before the leg pain.  Said it was my knee that is so much worse.  Ordered an X-ray and ultrasound which means someone coming in from home.  I asked if he could order a thyroid check since I put it as another reason I was here because of perhaps too much medication.  I need to get one this weekend anyway and he refused.  Said I could go upstairs to the lab myself when I leave.  I don’t understand why he won’t save someone who has so much trouble waking a trip where I would have to walk from a farther parking lot when I am right here.  

Well, I’ve had the tests he ordered, put my clothes back on, complained to everyone I’ve seen about this doc.  Will probably go get the blood draw upstairs since my day is a mess anyway and I’m not inspired to come back over the weekend.  No blood clots, some bone thing on my knee.  Heading home after the blood draw to try and decompress as I have the shakes really bad.  Maybe turn this around a bit that there was no clot.  It’s xanax time for sure!  

Thanks for letting me babble.  Truly kept me sane thru all this.  Love you guys!  ❤️

 

[widow'15]

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I am back in the ER and have been waiting for over 2 hours for a room. 

I got the doctor from hell.  

Thanks for letting me babble.  Truly kept me sane thru all this.  Love you guys!  ❤️

 

Gwen:  Sounds like you have every right to babble.  So sorry your day was as awful as it sounds.  May the results of the test identify something so some answers will be found for your pain.  Hope you get your rest tonight.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

They found a bakers cyst.  Have had one before and am hoping it doesn’t get bigger as I don’t want to have it drained.  It’s awful!  They also found a benign tumor in my tibia and femur.  Now I will have to have those watched.  Rare they turn cancerous but you hear the word tumor and can’t unhear it.  I started reading about them and said STOP!   Don’t do that to yourself.  But I do have to add it to the list.  I’m frigging surprised I’m still limping around with my list.  My goal is to someday post a twinkle post like Farelfae.  🧚‍♀️

[kayc]

Oh Gwen, I'm so sorry!  I didn't see this yesterday, for some reason new posts aren't always showing up as bolded anymore, makes me miss some sometimes.

I'm sorry about the doctor from hell, makes me wonder why he's a doctor!  I hope you DID complain about him to anyone who would listen.  

You're going through so much medically, you'd think they could have some compassion and TRY to bring you some relief. 

On 12/26/2019 at 11:56 PM, Gwenivere said:

My goal is to someday post a twinkle post like Farelfae.

I know, right?!  I love them!

[kevin]

I spent one New Years in a hospital and they actually shut down a wing and crammed us all into other floors....... ended up in the maternity ward for two nights.....This is a bad time to get medical care..... Good news KayC, and all the best Gwen....

[Kieron]

Sorry for that ordeal, Gwen.  Maybe I'm a starry-eyed optimist, but I would think that place would have a patient advocate that you can go to to lodge a complaint about that "doctor" (who doesn't sound like he deserves that honorific).  I'm not sure what state you reside in, but there's also the various state boards overseeing licensure and such.  At any rate, sounds like he ought to remember that old admonition,  "Physician, heal thyself"!  He's doing more harm than good, even if only in a subtle manner.  How sad for everyone involved.