If You're Going Through Hell

[Gwenivere]

Gin, I never know what to say.  I’m glad you had a visitor since your kids were tied up.  It’s just never the same.  Never will be.  Of course you miss him.  You were each other’s world.  Age doesn’t matter regarding that.  ❤️

[Gwenivere]

2 hours ago, widow'15 said:

 Not to mention the property taxes that keep going up.🤑 Dee

This is what we get in a pay as you go state.  I’m always amazed what value they put on my house and land.  It would never sell for it.  Every time schools or parks want something they turn to us.  I think gas prices pay for the roads, I hope so.  We got so fed up that when voting if we saw the words 'property taxes' it was an automatic no.  I’ve yet to see any accountability for the increases that have passed.  I’m always wondering what they did with the last increase?  Can’t they have bake sales and raise their own money?  😁

[kayc]

I am being greatly overcharged on my property taxes...for 43 years they've been charging me on a house and shed that is wood on dirt, the shed can no longer be used due to it.  Does no good to challenge it as a friend of mine disputed his and they agreed with him but didn't change it...then he was stuck with lawyer's fees on top of it!

16 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Can’t they have bake sales and raise their own money?

Hahahaha!  Love this!

[kayc]

On 7/20/2020 at 11:19 AM, KarenK said:

Cancelled my repair appt. and didn't have to call a plumber.

Oh Karen, I am SO GLAD TO HEAR THIS!  You just didn't need anything else going wrong.

 

[kayc]

22 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Owning a home can become a money pit.

For sure!  I am so lucky to have Jack, a neighbor down the street...he cuts my trees, limbs them, does burn piles, cleans my gutters, blows my roof off, cleans my chimney and puts sealer around it every years, mows my lawn and does weedwhacking.  If I ever lose his help I'm in trouble!  AND he is reasonably priced and works hard and fast.  I hired a neighbor kids to do some raking a couple of days ago, super slow and didn't finish the job, very haphazard and lackadaisical.  I told my sister I needed a teen aged Jack!  Haha, but seriously!

[Margm]

The last I remember in Arkansas, they had stopped any raising in our property taxes after we got 65.  In Louisiana we have Homestead Exemption, and I have no idea what that means, Billy always handled the taxes of any kind.  And, as far as renting, I guess they just go up on your rent.  I've been doing that four years now and they have not gone up any.  Really, handling the utilities, just looking at those numbers are too many to look at for me.  

[kayc]

18 hours ago, Gin said:

Another birthday (81) without my Al.

Gin, Happy Birthday, even if they aren't like they used to be without "our one."  I hope you had some good time in with someone be it friend or...well not foe.

[widow'15]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

I am so lucky to have Jack, a neighbor down the street...he cuts my trees, limbs them, does burn piles, cleans my gutters, blows my roof off, cleans my chimney and puts sealer around it every years, mows my lawn and does weedwhacking. 

Yes, you are lucky to have Jack, kayc.  Would love to have a  "Jack" I could call to help.  I have tried to entice my grand kids to help me some in the past by paying them for their help.  Now with the pandemic I don't even get to see my grand kids very often.  I will have to find a "Jack" somewhere soon, though.   My yard seems to grow a little everyday.  Dee

[kayc]

And I hope you find that too!  Jack is probably ten years younger than me but seems in the prime of his life...I dread the day he isn't able to anymore, IF he ever reaches that point, he may not.  Maybe with any luck I'll go before then!

[Margm]

I think I actually handle being without Billy about as good as anyone can do this kind of grief.  I have family that takes up my time.  We all sleep different shifts and Kelli and Brianna's birthdays are the 26th.  Certainly we cannot all be around each other and Kelli sort of puts the blame on me, guess she has to put it somewhere.  She had 103 temp yesterday and Scott is taking care of her.  Temperature does everyone different.  In her it builds a fire where she can only make herself worse.  Brianna has always wanted to have her own birthday but Kelli wants to make it like twins.  I don't interfere except we can't have a Covid birthday and that scares the dickens out of Bri.  We will handle it.

I had to get a prescription refilled of Bri's, so I had to go to Walmart.  Have not been out and it does me best not to watch the news.  Kind of got inside myself scared, but I usually just jump on in anyhow, and I did.  I actually felt good.  Back and knees not hurting.  Beautiful white clouds out and I talked to Billy on my way home.  I told him that sometimes it seemed like we never happened at all, but I had our two kids to show for it.  

Came home and when I go somewhere I cannot eat or drink because I will have to be close to my necessity, if I do.  Came home and ate legal ice cream and had my cup of coffee.  I guess the carbs hit me, I got so sleepy.  This happened before right after Billy left.  If I dozed off sitting up in a chair, he would momentarily visit me.  I know it was a dream, but they were sweet dreams.  Has not happened in a long, long time, maybe since I left Arkansas, but the ice cream and coffee sort of made me ill, so I was just sitting in the recliner, not reclined, dozed off and Billy lay his head on my left chest.  I even recognized the old green Tee shirt, his short hair, like i had just cut it.  Then I woke up too fast.  He was gone, but he had been so real.  Ice cream and coffee don't go too good together.  I guess I didn't handle today like I usually do.  It made me sad, but somehow was so real.  Guess things happen like that some time.  I miss him and I usually handle it so much better than today.  

[Gwenivere]

Sounds like you handled today well, Marg.  You got the chore done and got to see Billy.  Great you weren’t hurting, but Walmart would be intimidating to me.  Never have cared for the place.  Too big!  But that is colored by pain too.  I’m so sick of fearing my legs will give out.

How on earth can Kelli blame you with the covid restrictions?  That isn’t fair.  I get being angry about it too, but I can’t blame anyone for it except maybe the first infected person, but they didn’t even know.  

I mentioed in another post talking to a long distance friend that thinks this is a hoax.  Wish it were, tho a sick, no pun intended, one.  I guess to her all the footage of hospital workers and tallies of deaths are 'fake news' or coincidental.  I think you can guess her political allegiance.  Funny how people change.  She is so intellgent and was a radical in our youth.  Why we bonded.  Ah well, can only hope she stays healthy and not (as I did today) say anything.  I’ve got Ally on my mind right now, and I do wear a mask.  

Hope you have more good dreams of Billie and a way to soothe the waters about the birthdays.  Hugs!

[Margm]

 It will be okay.  It is good we just have one day to worry about and terrible we are human and worry about many days, many hours.  Peace for you my friend.  Oh, and the idiocy of my eating the ice cream and coffee has aggravated my "condition" enough that just "getting there" fast is the only thing on my mind.  My heart is with you.. 

[kayc]

14 hours ago, Marg M said:

...I told him that sometimes it seemed like we never happened at all, but I had our two kids to show for it.

I get that feeling too, like a long ago movie I watched or a dream I had, but then I see his pictures, a note he wrote me, evidence of a life once lived

[widow'15]

15 hours ago, Marg M said:

It is good we just have one day to worry about and terrible we are human and worry about many days, many hours.

Marg:  Great statement and such a difficult task to keep our worries in today and let tomorrow take care of itself.  Dee

[Kieron]

11 hours ago, kayc said:

evidence of a life once lived

That's got a poetic ring to it...  🙂

[Gwenivere]

That is a powerful statement.  My whole environment is surroundings of another time.  Not just things taking up space and look like home furnishings and appliances we need.  They were life, not like the set a play with no depth.

[kayc]

When I went to my son's Thursday, he was there rather than at work because Garmin was held for ransomware...they can't access their networks, email, phone system, anything.  Friday morning he went to work hoping it would have been taken care of...nope.  He was home by noon.  He has deadlines and can't do anything about it.  He can't do his job.  I hope they're able to solve this soon.  I despise people who do this sort of thing, holding companies/organizations hostage, they are the lowest scum on earth if you ask me.  Too bad they don't use their brains for good instead of evil maliciousness and greed.  He had schedule time off next week for a backpacking trip with some friends, usually guys from work, hopefully when they get back it will be taken care of and he can resume work.

[Margm]

[Margm]

Maybe it was so long it took two pages.  I am not computer literate at times.  Maybe I am just computer illiterate at all times.  I've still got to attack the "smart" phone.  I hate smart phones.  I just want my plain old flip phone..  I don't understand 3G, 4G, 5G and sometimes am too tired to wrap my brain around it.

 

[Gwenivere]

I’m with you on the phone thing, Marg.  So, I don’t have anyone to make use of a smartphone with.  The thing now is texting.  No one to text to.  My cousin has one but she is in such a rural area it’s iffy.  I have email portals for docs.  My flip's directory is full of numbers I use when needed.  It’s nice and small in my pocket if I have to expect a call.  I guess it would be good for games when waiting places.  Save me from carrying my old Nintendo.  I think about having to program one and go nope.  Tho I am guessing if you bought one they would transport the contacts.  It would be nice to have Google when I think of places I could save myself a trip if I could get their number.  Eventually mine will be phased out anyway.  I won’t have a choice.  But until then, I’m keeping it.  I also pay as I go.  no contract which I like.  I can’t keep up with all these plans and who has what.   Plus they are expensive if you have no one you connect with.  You have your kids and grand daughter.  There was a time I barely used it.  Back when I was younger and was too busy being active.  Drove Steve crazy I didn’t carry it all the time.  

[widow'15]

47 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

 I think about having to program one and go nope.  Tho I am guessing if you bought one they would transport the contacts.

Gwen:  I understand your resistance for a smart phone.  I had to finally give in and replace my old flip phone cause my kids and some friends would try to send me stuff and the flip phone would only show unreadable messages.  And yes, the service provider would transfer all your contacts and would program it for you however you would like it set up.  I don't use all the bells and whistles but what I do use is convenient.  The texting is probably what I use the most.  I do attempt photos but I have trouble keeping the phone steady while I click.  Work in progress. Dee

[Gwenivere]

But, Dee.......you just proved my point.  You need someone to text or exchange pictures with and them with you.  😎

[Margm]

8 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Plus they are expensive if you have no one you connect with.  You have your kids and grand daughter.

Actually AT&T sent me an email that mine would be phased out in 2022.  Well, in a couple of weeks I will be 78.  I'm up, walking, "if it ain't broke, I want  them to leave it alone."  Had two nasty, stupid falls.  Yes, I would have fallen at 50 too.  I hurt my knees each time.  Can only be thankful they are still well padded.  Didn't think about throwing that weight onto those knees, of course between the knees and beginning of my coccyx bone straight on up to the cervical bones in my neck is a behind that carries quite a bit of weight and the jarring of all those bones in days later, well, there was pain.  Nothing alarming.  Just hurting and I've been doing that for many years.  Happens after colon rupture from cancer treatments and sepsis.  I'm not griping (although my belly does plenty of that).  I don't dare sit in a quiet church, people will be alarmed by the conversations my right colon says to the left and then the transverse colon is louder than them all.  But, actually, think doc rearranged everything where neither knows it is the other.  So they all talk at the same time.  Simple MiraLax every night and don't get too far from my necessity.  I'm still walking.  No cane yet, although I have one that I tend to trip over.  Insides cannot be worked on, cannot be fixed, but have held out since 2014.  Just stay on the diet (low residue, low or no fiber).  Not a healthy diet.  Necessary.  I have crosses, angels all on my bathroom wall and have been known to say "Please God, get me through this and I won't touch chocolate again."  Some I have learned to stay away from.  Cannot process any raw vegetables, nothing corn, very few canned vegetables.  Plenty of ice cream, cake, fried chicken, etc.  Granddaughter prefers vegetables although I will throw in chicken fried steak strips I cut up ever so often.  She loves them.  

We have been going crazy with this quarantine.  We sleep in different shifts.  Works out better.  My daughter has never had to be still this long and she is really going crazy.  On top of that my son's daughter (granddaughter of mine and great granddaughter) arrived at the beginning of Scott's Covid and are still there.  They brought their long haired dog that Kelli has had to treat for fleas.  Her pup is treated against them. They wear masks, wash down places with Lysol, and Kelli is OCD about her house, dishes have to be washed, food cooked, house clean.  My granddaughter is more like I am, but she needs to help.  I would. The two girls did not contact the Covid.  Kelli is wanting to take her little car to places she can camp out to escape that house.,  She and Scott do great, but this extra burden has played havoc with her bipolar.  

On the phone plan, I carry all of us, including my sister.  I have no use for one except to call and answer.  Fingers shake too much to text.  I will sit down and figure it out tomorrow.  I have had nothing to drink, nothing to eat, and for my mental health I want to drive through the country of my youth.  Might make me depressed.  It is not a joke, it is life.  A lot of my friends, most of my relatives are part of this Louisiana soft dirt.  It is sad.  One friend will always be 17, though if he had lived would be 77.  Other friends passed away in their 40's and 50's, so they will always be young.  Billy will always be 75, though it was a surprise to him and to me that more years were not added on.  And so it goes.  I've written all this before.  Maybe I write it for myself to just remember, and this Covid lifestyle is not good on my brain.  

[kayc]

Drives my son crazy too that I don't use my phone (he bought it for me), but it doesn't work at my house and when I'm away I'm too busy driving/shopping, at church or whatever to use it.  I just need it to call for help if my car breaks down or I lock my keys in it.  Chances are I'd lock my phone in it too, haha!

Called my son last night, he was still working, yay, Garmin got their network back!  They hired a company to break the encryption, he had to do a system restore.  He leaves today on a backpacking trip, last year's didn't go well, he had croup and had to go home early, and his dog was injured and had to walk out on his own (large Husky), Paul dressed his paw and put duct tape on it, he made it home and then laid down on the grass for a week, but he healed fine.  I hope it goes well for them both this time!

Worked at the church yesterday, brought Kodie as I thought it'd take an hour, I had some bills to pay & deposit to post...well no, it took most of the day!  Poor Kodie whined for quite a while until he finally settled in.  I had to make transfers from designated accounts to the checking (by permission of original donators) and it didn't work well with our 2007 Home version of Quicken.  What I wouldn't give for a general ledger!  In the old days, doing it manually (before computers), I'd have been done in five minutes.  It took hours.  I had to do it in a certain order as the computer kept changing what I put to something it "remembered" from before!  I had to do each one, one at a time rather than all at once like I'd hoped, running reports each time to make sure it took right and checking each balance as the old report they had worked off of is nearly a month old.  FINALLY got done!  My brain was on overload, the pastor even took Kodie out to pee so I could keep working uninterrupted.  Rewarded Kodie by walking the trails with him, he loved it and thought it was worth the wait! 

Got an appt. made at OR Neurology tomorrow morning so in for a battery of tests, ugh.  Can add up to a lot of money depending on how much I have to go, each PT appt is $30 copay and the nerve center $35.  I watched my GF go through this for two years!  They did not help her.  It is an injury from walking Joe a few months ago, he jerked to the right hard about 90 degrees, I remember yelling out as it hurt my hand, mostly my thumb but some involvement with the next three fingers (I don't use my pinky as it's bent with arthritis and does no good anyway).

It was up to 106 here two days ago, yesterday just in the 90s, will not cool down until Friday.  

Sounds like you are so busy with family, Marg, I hope you can be alone sometimes, funny, opposite from most of us wishing for contact!

[Margm]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

Sounds like you are so busy with family, Marg

We manage to stay away from each other anyhow.  They are afraid of giving me the virus.  I feel sorry for them being shut up in that house.  What a time to visit from Georgia.  No one was sick when the trip started, but honestly it could have been a turn around thing and go back home instead of making Kelli crazy having fever and having to cook, and would not let the dishes pile up.  Reminds me of what they say about  "Fish and visitors stink after three days" Lots of Lysol used.