If You're Going Through Hell

[Gin]

These anniversaries are so very hard.  Gin

[KarenK]

Thinking of you Joyce and wishing peace for your heart and soul.

[widow'15]

Joyce: Please know you are in my thoughts as you have to face this anniversary without your Dale.  Hugs to you, Dee

[Kieron]

❤️

[kayc]

On 10/23/2020 at 9:02 AM, brat#2 said:

Just needed to get this out today.  Today is our 38th wedding anniversary and I miss Dale so much!!  I really need him right now to make me feel loved, safe and his wit to make me smile.  Dale, you are my heart and soul forever.

 

I'm sorry.  I know how hard they are, I just had ours five days ago.    You're in my thoughts today.

[Margm]

I don't like to drive after dark.  I really get scared.  This started right after Billy left, so has been going on for over five years.  I cannot see as good with the headlights coming toward me.  

I had two things to get at Walmart.  I had let the time slip up on me and needed my headlights because it was dusk.  I stopped the car, turned off my headlights and had a frantic moment.  Car would not give me my keys, motor would not turn on at all and I was frantic.  I saw two younger people and explained my problem.  The young woman got in the car, took it out of neutral, put it in park and of course it started.  I had lost my reasoning in a panic attack of my own doing.  It was getting dark and I was scared.  I was not thinking.  They were so sweet to me.  They did not make me feel like an old fool.  (I was).  With me anxiety is like swimming.  I can't because I will get anxiety and drown.  That is how I live too, I get anxiety and I drown.  I might say, I did not take a Xanax, but I did get out of breath with my mask and Walmart making us go in the far door.  I did remember (sometimes I forget) to look at my parking aisle number.  I have a gray car and it looks like every gray car parked in the parking lot.  (All of them).  

[Gwenivere]

 I’m glad the people that helped you were so understanding.  I get frazzled when I forget obvious things. I was driving home last night and someone flashed their brights at me because somehow I turned off the sensor to automatically turn on the headlights when getting dark.  When I was young driving at night was no problem.  Was wild and crazy and nightlife was bustling.  Now I just want to be home as my brain isn’t as quick and it’s not something I do like I did for fast food runs, something missing for dinner or need from the drug store.  We’ve also got new halogen street lights that are very harsh light.  I’ve also backed into things the last couple years from fog brain so I’m really on high alert which triggers anxiety. I hear yaon finding my car if I can’t get a handicap spot.  I’ve even not seen my own car and walked right by it wondering where it is.  Good thing for panic buttons.  Talk about feeling stupid!  With daylight savings ending I’ll have to adapt to darkness at 4pm or earlier this far north.  I hate winter.  Have to freeze in the car til it warms up, dark, drizzly, lights on all day.  And the insidious (now) holiday advertising that will be everywhere.  

I wish now I had never been an elf, doing so much around the season.  I hate the cherished memories have become tarnished now.  Up until last year I could still play the elf a bit.  But everyone is either gone, distant or off limits from the pandemic.  Holidays without joy, traditions and laughter are like torture.  

Wel, there’s a tangent when I need to get out of here for fun stuff like the PO, drugstore and hopefully the $ store.   Getting late as my repair project hit snags as always.  Will take that out in my vent thread.  I knew it wouldn’t go smoothly.  It's like being cursed.  

 

[Margm]

This pandemic has the whole world in a hold pattern.  I can't get over the young man (middle aged actually) setting up a small gathering for his elderly parents and the great grandfather wanting to see his great grandkids.  With 24 out of 28 having the Covid and the poor man's mom and dad both passing.  The great grandfather passing also.  I cannot find my aunt's grave because of all the new graves.  The unanswerable questions of how, why, when, what have left us all in a depression.  We just have to live until we can't.  Nothing we can do.  

[kayc]

15 hours ago, Marg M said:

I did remember (sometimes I forget) to look at my parking aisle number.

Ours never have numbers unless in a parking garage and I get claustrophobic in those.  I once reported my car stolen because I couldn't find it, my mom and kids and I going all over the huge parking lot.  Finally security found it...I'd thought I'd come in on the Cinnabon side of Valley River Center, instead I came in on the cookie side!    See how my mind works?  The next day my son told my friend that I'd reported her car stolen.  Turns out our license plates were one number off and I'd remembered mine wrong.  He is so observant (I am not), too bad he didn't remember where our car was!  One of my greatest exercise workouts is going up and down parking lot aisles looking for my car!

15 hours ago, Marg M said:

The young woman got in the car, took it out of neutral, put it in park and of course it started.

I went through the same thing a couple of months ago.  I was stopped in traffic and when the light turned green, my car wouldn't go.  Same thing except I figured it out after a minute or two, while everyone was honking at me.  Caused a mild panic attack.

[Margm]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

Same thing except I figured it out after a minute or two, while everyone was honking at me.  Caused a mild panic attack.

I was in full panic mode.  My insurance would have sent someone out.  I wanted to call Billy, but thought I better call Scott, then I saw the two people.  Glad I didn't get him out there since he is 30 miles away.  He would have never showed me I was a bother to him, but stupid me just needed to put it in park.  All of our Walmart parking aisles are marked or I would never find my generic gray car.  It's when I get checked out and know then I  forgot to check.  I wanted a red car but felt gray would be less conspicuous if I was speeding.  I think thousands of other people thought that too.  It is a very generic short car.  

 

[Gwenivere]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

One of my greatest exercise workouts is going up and down parking lot aisles looking for my car!

I don’t know what kind or how old your car is, but the panic button works great for that.  

I hear ya on parking garages.  Hate them, but with so much trouble walking, they help with getting closer to elevators.  Good for rain shelter too.  They never have angle parking, tho that could make for even longer walks.  

[kayc]

Yesterday I got this email and it upset me to think someone could get my name and email address from here!  Did anyone else get one?  Maybe he lied about where he got it, I don't know, but how did he know I come here?  It all feels really scary as I thought that information private.
 

Affiliate opportunity

 

 

Inbox

 

Tom Dalkins <tom.dalkins@onbuy.com> Unsubscribe	Tue, Oct 27, 8:48 AM (22 hours ago)
to me

Hey Kay

I hope you're well!

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[kayc]

I stayed home yesterday and did my least favorite thing...business phone calls, trying to straighten out Slocum problems, etc.  They gave me a stack of papers to go over, telling me to pay my share of the surgery ahead of time or they'd cancel the surgery, yet I couldn't get them to answer their phone or tell me how much to pay.  They told me to go to the portal, which I tried but it wouldn't let me register as I didn't have a "token."  Wouldn't you think they'd send me a link and "token" when they had to know I'd need it?  Couldn't get ahold of anyone about that either.  Stuck in a loop, didn't sleep much the night before.  It took me all day just to find out they haven't done the estimate yet and would call me the day before!  So why use these scare tactics and misinformation!  FINALLY someone called me back and gave me a token so I got in, only to see they have me scheduled for the 9th, 10th, and 19th!  I only knew about the 9th and 19th (I'd called them a couple days ago about the 19th because they sent me an email but neglected to tell me it was for a followup appt...I hadn't known if they entered the surgery date wrong or had me double booked or what.  The gal snottily told me I'd lost a paper, and I told her I had NOT!  I'm careful about such things.  Turns out she was describing it incorrectly.  Oh my gosh would I love to be in charge of their business office and make some changes!  They put all this stuff on their papers that didn't make sense, like wearing compression socks, what has that to do with carpal tunnel surgery!  Nothing.  That's just one example, there was much erroneous information they told me to do.  They use a blanket form for everyone/everything.  Why not instead use a checklist of things and checkmark what is applicable to ME, stating clearly as such!  Hours of trying to reach someone, ugh.  I hate days like this!

Also had to deal with Micron as UPS lost the package they supposedly sent Friday but no one but me was keeping track of it.  The gal wasn't in, of course!  Yet the charge of nearly $500 came through on my M/C on Friday!  So they canceled my order, I had to leave a message, FINALLY they said last night it's going out today.

This is how my entire day went.  I thought of Gwen as I know she gets lots of days like this.  Not fun!  And no one to even talk it over with at the end of the day.

 

[Kieron]

Kay, that is pretty upsetting, although I notice I can view threads and posts without logging in, so obviously anyone can.  I didn't think they could get our email address though.... that's a little surprising.

There's little privacy to be had online, so I try to watch what I say that might identify me.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry this happened to you, Kay ~ but it's the first time in all these years that I've ever heard of such a thing. I notice the email you received mentions the GH Blog, and not the GH Discussion Groups site. I have no idea how this company got your email address 

Needless to say, I'm also sorry that you're dealing with so much nonsense in preparing for your surgery. What in the world is happening to our so-called healthcare system? 

[nashreed]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

I stayed home yesterday and did my least favorite thing...business phone calls, trying to straighten out Slocum problems, etc.  They gave me a stack of papers to go over, telling me to pay my share of the surgery ahead of time or they'd cancel the surgery, yet I couldn't get them to answer their phone or tell me how much to pay.  They told me to go to the portal, which I tried but it wouldn't let me register as I didn't have a "token."  Wouldn't you think they'd send me a link and "token" when they had to know I'd need it?  Couldn't get ahold of anyone about that either.  Stuck in a loop, didn't sleep much the night before.  It took me all day just to find out they haven't done the estimate yet and would call me the day before!  So why use these scare tactics and misinformation!  FINALLY someone called me back and gave me a token so I got in, only to see they have me scheduled for the 9th, 10th, and 19th!  I only knew about the 9th and 19th (I'd called them a couple days ago about the 19th because they sent me an email but neglected to tell me it was for a followup appt...I hadn't known if they entered the surgery date wrong or had me double booked or what.  The gal snottily told me I'd lost a paper, and I told her I had NOT!  I'm careful about such things.  Turns out she was describing it incorrectly.  Oh my gosh would I love to be in charge of their business office and make some changes!  They put all this stuff on their papers that didn't make sense, like wearing compression socks, what has that to do with carpal tunnel surgery!  Nothing.  That's just one example, there was much erroneous information they told me to do.  They use a blanket form for everyone/everything.  Why not instead use a checklist of things and checkmark what is applicable to ME, stating clearly as such!  Hours of trying to reach someone, ugh.  I hate days like this!

Also had to deal with Micron as UPS lost the package they supposedly sent Friday but no one but me was keeping track of it.  The gal wasn't in, of course!  Yet the charge of nearly $500 came through on my M/C on Friday!  So they canceled my order, I had to leave a message, FINALLY they said last night it's going out today.

This is how my entire day went.  I thought of Gwen as I know she gets lots of days like this.  Not fun!  And no one to even talk it over with at the end of the day.

 

So sorry, Kay. If it helps, I read your posts, so your lousy day was told to me in writing, at least. I know it helps me to know that some people actually care about me (you), and even if its kind of impersonal to post on a message board, with the COVID, this is the safest way to connect anyway (I am not doing no ZOOM calls or anything- nobody needs to see my ugly mug on their computer screen, plus I have no privacy with my Mom always flitting about). Please know that I care and it's hopefully a better day today. It's gotta be!

[kayc]

Thank you, it helps and my day is going better....no phone calls!  Just some church stuff and a visit with a friend.

Sometimes it helps to have someone hear us....hence this thread and the venting one! 

4 hours ago, MartyT said:

What in the world is happening to our so-called healthcare system?

I think it's our whole society in general. 

Maybe the guy hacked in, IDK, I know our privacy is safe here, I really have no idea how the guy got it.

[kayc]

5 hours ago, Kieron said:

Kay, that is pretty upsetting, although I notice I can view threads and posts without logging in, so obviously anyone can.  I didn't think they could get our email address though.... that's a little surprising.

There's little privacy to be had online, so I try to watch what I say that might identify me.

I do not post my name and email address on line, yes they can view our post, but not our private information!

[Margm]

I'm so terrible about mail I have drawers of unopened stuff.  I need to throw it all away but I used to could burn things, I cannot anymore.  I need to invest in a good shredder cause nothing I have really needs opening but I am so paranoid, I don't want my address in the trash.  I still get things addressed to Billy ever so often and he never lived here.  In my email I just go through and if it is a utility, my insurance, or a friend, and this group, the rest I delete.  

[Gwenivere]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

This is how my entire day went.  I thought of Gwen as I know she gets lots of days like this.  Not fun!  And no one to even talk it over with at the end of the day.

Oh Kay.  Yes, I’ve had my share and it takes so much out of you.  It’s doing their job for them and I get very resentful about that and quite vocal to them about it now.  I’m making 'light' fire calls today to take a break from still ongoing messes.  I seem to be a masochist when these things come up, but I hate to leave things hanging.  Plus it leads to more tangles.  There’s no denying it takes a huge mental and energy toll.  I hope you get things straightened out better than I have.  I haven’t even dealt with possible surgery beyond talking about it.  Setting it up would e a nightmare I’m not close to equipped for after all my other fires.  Isn’t it fun to do your job and theirs too?  Like we don’t have enough to handle alone.

[kayc]

It seems we get at least one hassle a day.  Today it was my internet provider.  Lost connection first thing this morning, I get up in the wee hours to come to my Diabetic group and grief groups, but could not get connectivity.  Reset everything, nope!  
Called the provider, they had me unplugging and plugging in things, tried PC and laptop, with router, without it, went to command prompt and tried differnt things, plugged & unplugged again, restarted again...for 1 1/2 HOURS!!!  And THEN he says, "Oh, there's an outage in your area....try again in a couple of hours."  Seriously?  Isn't that the FIRST thing you check?! 

 

[kevin]

Putting up or digging out Christmas decorations..( we have a break in our weather)....Nov 15th is my self imposed deadline to do all this stuff before ground is totally frozen.......Saw a mention of losing parked car, I had a car top carrier when I first moved up North, super easy to locate vehicle....removed carrier to save mileage and started losing car in parking lots..Too many White SUV's....seriously thinking of getting new Carrier...This Covid. is wearing everyones patients....Got my Halloween treats ready, had to throw out Pumpkin, it froze then turned to mush...

[Gwenivere]

Wow, you go Kevin!  Your motivation is inspiring.  I know what you mean about something to identify your car.  Before I had handicap access I’d lose mine too and have a very old shamrock a friend gave me eons ago on my antenna I could spot.

[kayc]

I usually put up my tree the day after Thanksgiving, but right now my hands hurt so much and with surgery 11/9, not sure they'll feel up to the task a couple of weeks later!  If they didn't hurt so bad I'd put it up now and decorate it later...not sure I want to deal with Kodie getting into it for a couple of months!  Will see how it goes...that and I'm not really feeling it right now.

Tired of being alone.

I think we need something to help us find our car in parking lots!  My landline has a "phone locator" I use to find where I put my phones, need one for our cars!  Someone should invent one.

[widow'15]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

I think we need something to help us find our car in parking lots!  My landline has a "phone locator" I use to find where I put my phones, need one for our cars!  Someone should invent one.

kayc: I'm not savvy with the key fob that comes with my 2008 car, but doesn't the fob when used correctly, give off a loud beep and lights flash when car is locked or unlocked.  Again, I don't use mine properly, I just lock door with button on door, and when I get to my car I just have to touch the door handle and it unlocks.  My kids always tease me that I don't want to know all the bells and whistles.  And, they are correct, I could care less. 

This discussion of finding a car in the parking lot reminds me of a similar situation many years ago when I had taken my son shopping for school clothes at a mall here in Tacoma.  I gave my car keys to my son and told him to put the clothes in the trunk and we'd continue shopping.  When he returned to where I was waiting, he said Mom, you might want to put some WD40 on the lock cause it was not easy getting the trunk open.  Come to find out he had put over $200 worth of new clothes into someone else's Green Taurus.  He felt awful.  He had found a Taurus identical to our car in the same area and was able to open the trunk with my key to deposit his new school clothes.  No recourse cause we had placed clothes in wrong trunk.  Life can be fun.  Dee