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Hey, I can start a new topic, they are usually not of much substance and they don't last long, but I listened to the radio this morning on the way to local "Dollar Gentral." (If you have not seen the

Today would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. I was married 3 times.  First one ended in divorce after 31 years. Second one ended in a suicide. THEN I met Al, the love of my life.  M

Guys my wish for you is that you find the strength to hang in there for a while. It does soften, I know, I felt the same cleaning the house and doing laundry, even making my bed. What got me through i

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Sunday afternoons and evenings are the worst days of the week. I found ways with coping with Mon-Sat evenings, but nothing seems to work on Sundays, when I feel an utter emptiness, loneliness and pain, and whatever I do it's like it's being done by a machine. The I'm alone hits harder and there's nowhere to scape. Saturdays are easier. I'm so used to now not going out and not having any plans anymore for Saturday while others are enjoying their youth. But Sunday is different. And so I put myself to work so I get tired and go to bed quickly. It feels so empty without him. We cherished our Sunday....

This too, shall pass? (Retoric...)

 

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I have daily times and certain days that get me too, Ana.  Weekends are the worst, Saturday was our date night.  I’ll forever miss that.  I’ve gotten used to not doing so many things too.  I didn’t realize how many hours were in a day.  The pandemic is icing on my grief cake.  

I wish I knew some magic to make this easier.  All I can do is send you a virtual hug.  (((Ana)))

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I just posted this for someone else, I hope it's of help to you too Ana...I do know that it used to hit me Friday night through the weekend as that was George and my time together.  It's been so many years I've gotten used to being alone (as used to it as one can get) but Covid slammed me back to square one as far as building my life was concerned, all the effort I'd gone to, gone, one year ago when the social isolation hit.  It's challenging.  Connecting with neighbors over a doggy date helps, so do my walks, and coming here and connecting online.  I don't even get phone calls anymore although I call my newly bereaved sister every day.  People have withdrawn.

Covid in grief

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  • 3 weeks later...

Covid is going to make life complicated for a very long time.  Even if we get to where we don’t need masks or distancing, there will be so much mental fallout.  I’m figuring it will be at least 2 years of all these anti social things we’ve had to do.  I get so frustrated seeing people engaged in risky behavior that will drag this out longer. I got to thinking about how we now have to carry testing or vaccine cards now.  We have to in Washington to attend sport or entertainment events in arenas.  No card, no entry.  It’s like another license.  Everyone will still be viewed as a threat for a very long time.  It gives me a chill like the 2nd world war and having to have your 'papers'.  Will this having to show them extend to going shopping at some point?  Then there is the group of people that refuse vaccines and how will that affect getting this under control?  If it wasn’t necessary to check on covid in the news occasionally, I wouldn’t.  Heard last night of someone fully vaccinated still getting it.  Didn’t say if it was milder for having had the shots.  It’s no wonder this is upping anxiety and depression levels beyond anything ever seen in recent history.
 

some people are still handing this well.  Wish I were one.  anyone dealing with grief and loss have it the worst.  So much loss from businesses, jobs, health and treasured people with little really meaningful help due to restrictions on being together.  Like I was forever changed losing. Steve, I’ll be forever changed loosing Ally and not being able to hug my friend that was with me.  
 

yup, any semblance of things we were accomplishing were trashed when this happened. 

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It's been a year since I've started working from home and this self lockdown plus isolation has turned me into a workaholic. Before, work didn't enter these walls. Now I find myself being anxious cause there's always something that needs to be done/search/an email to write. I'm finding that I'm feeling like this because I fear the feeling of nothingness, of the void that'll always be there. I'm trying to fill the void with extra work and frustration cause the One will never enter that door again and mark the end of the working day. None cares if dinner is ready or what's happened today. 

And so I work until 11pm, go to bed and I don't have a good sleep. and I wonder: is this all there's? Is this what's going to be? An existence of working, some resting, some tv and some groceries? 

I guess this is plain and simple widowhood. It feels like..... A desert. 

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Ana, What you write, that's hard.  I know the feeling of being "on call/work" ALL the time!  In 2011 I was laid off for a year, down from 5 days a week to one.  My boss emailed me constantly wanting me to bill someone or call someone or something!  I was trying to look for work full-time and go to interviews (out of town, long commute) and it was not handy to have these constant interruptions!  I wasn't paid for this but felt I had to do it or lose the one day a week & referral I might need for him, he had me over a barrel.  Talk about feeling enslaved!  Whenever I went on vacation I was treated the same, it annoyed me to all get out!  I even had to buy a new laptop to take with me, which I did not need at home, and then he cut my job right after I bought it!  II was never so glad to be done with a place.  The worst place I ever worked.  No boundaries, wasn't treated with the respect I deserved, nor was everyone treated the same...for instance, he never sent flowers or took me out to lunch, but did others.  And I literally saved him/his business from the IRS seizing his house!  I kept him out of trouble (or got him out of it) more than once.

I guess all one can do is set certain hours and make them adhere to it...I know, easier said than done, especially when it's an employer's market.

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13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I’m figuring it will be at least 2 years of all these anti social things we’ve had to do.

Or, the rest of our lives.  They said on the news last night that Pfizer vac. covers people for six months but they don't know after that if people will need a booster shot or not.  And they didn't say about the other vaccinations.  So much is not known.  with all the variants, I don't see life ever returning to normal.  For those of us grieving, in one sense we have a head start on everyone else...we haven't known "normal" for a very long time!

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My take in the Pfizer news was it’s been evaluated at6 months now and still effective.  No’s it’s watching to see as time pans out.  I had heard boosters were going to be common place yearly like the regular flu shots.  
 

Life returned to 'normal' after the 1918 pandemic.  But I’m guessing it took a very long time mentally for people that survived.  We may have more science, but our fears are the same after such an experience.  I really see kids only fairing better. We’re so flexible in those early years.   I see the little ones viewing this as almost a game and following rules, but still happy and enjoying most things.  Mostly missing in person contact with friends as everyone is.  
 

I agree, we got a head start.  It is going to take years to mentally recover for regular folks.  Those touched by losses will be forever changed as we are.  I can’t imagine how hard it has been losing loved ones during this and not be with them.  My other biggest sadness about this is how politicized it has become to complicate things.  I’m shocked at the massive surge of hate crimes on Asian people.  

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I know.  It's like the people who had mental problems to start with sure have not improved any with the onset of this last year's stress!  I think they're snapping!  The hate crimes is shocking to me.

I wish my grandparents were here to tell me about how they survived all that they did.  We could learn so much from them!  Not only the pandemic but the crash & depression following.

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I saw a lot of depression era behavior in my mother.  She never trusted again that food or paper goods would be readily available.  Turned me into a back up buyer beyond normal extras.  It’s just how I was raised.  It worked out OK with Steve and the kids for a very long time.  Now I have way to much stuff and still get more.  Working on breaking that.  It was just a part of day to day life for so many decades.  My dad was laid back.  I think because he’d been to war, he was just happy things were there and didn’t worry about it.  They weren’t much into saving.  My dad got us a color TV when it was new.  Back when you had to make adjustments yourself.  My mom drove us crazy always fiddling with it.  They changed cars every few years.  Having money they wanted to spend after so many years of being without.  Steve came from a family where debt was normal.  I hated owing on anything.  We got out of the debt he brought to the marriage and since our credit was established, mine by marrying him, I never could get credit because I never had any (that crazy loop), we stayed out of it for the most part and managed to get a nice cushion for what should be now our laid back years together.  So now I have funds, but little I want alone.  I priced new TV's for steaming and all the others accessories I’d need to hook up to my existing media components would cost more than the TV.  I don’t really care about that, but I don’t know what is needed so would have to pay just to have Best Buy come scope it out,  Steve would have figured it out and got it set up.  I loved our balance approach to things.  Now that tech stuff falls on me, not much gets done unless it’s absolutely necessary.  Anything going wrong tech wise scares me.  
 

I think after this catastrophe, there will be much changed attitudes towards problems than we were used to.  The pandemic will have changed so much of life.  Some good, some bad.  But massive change all around.  
 

a couple I know was by yesterday and said that next time we see each other, I’ll have been fully vaccinated and we could actually sit without masks.  Even touch each other.  Seems alien to comprehend.  

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Here's one for the "STUPID" files. Take it or leave it.

Phoenix mayor opened the city parks for use this weekend. Easter picnics are a big thing here. BUT.....the parking lots are closed and locked and public grills are closed to discourage park use. Even the governor thought it was stupid, but was apparently powerless to change it, so he decided to waive fees at the state parks this weekend. All well and good, but most state parks are in outlying areas.

Will be interesting to see how it all plays out.

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In Seattle ticketing parking violators is back to being enforced.  They weren’t ticketing cars left for 72 hours and campers and mobile homes which is not permitted otherwise.  Now we have encampments of large vehicles and the whining is getting loud.  What is it with people that always knew this was illegal and the 'pass' was temporary?  The last thing I want to see are motor homes set up on my street and their trash.  We don’t have the greatest drainage system so I have to wonder about waste disposal.  
 

I don’t get this having to pay to use the national parks for day trips.  Camping, yes.  I don’t know if it changed back in New Mexico, but if you wanted to go to the mountains, you just went.  Here you have to pay now too.  It’s not cheap either.  They also try to add a park donation fee to car registrations many don’t know they can opt out of.  

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I have a Golden Age Passport which allows my vehicle into any National Park for free. Or at least it used to. The name has been changed now and I think there may be restrictions on certain parks. It's ridiculous to have to pay to visit a National Park. Someone in government sure dropped the ball on funding for parks. I've used my pass at Grand Canyon, Grand Teton, and Yellowstone. Don't remember visiting any others since I got it.

For sure there are homeless camps in Phoenix(none here in Scottsdale). Haven't seen anything on the news here about problems with people parking on the streets. Every holiday, today included, my neighbors have some type of celebration which means about 15 vehicles parked on my street with their extended family. This includes baby showers and birthdays too. Social distancing never sank in with them at all. I would not want motor homes parked on my street either. It's hard enough to back out when the street is empty.  lol  The trash and waste would be disgusting.

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I hear ya on getting in and out of the driveway. I started backing in for that reason.  Even with that, it hard when there are cars on the street when I come home to try and see around to do that!   
 

Paying to go our. National parks is ridiculous.  They were set aside to preserve for everyone.  People pay taxes, that should be enough if managed well, as you said.

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17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Now that tech stuff falls on me, not much gets done unless it’s absolutely necessary.  Anything going wrong tech wise scares me.  

Me too only  I live too far for Best Buy to come out, so I just make do with same old, same old.  Everything is outdated.  Can't miss what you never had!

I thought people were supposed to take their trash with them!  I remember seeing signs to that effect years ago.  I know my son has a motor home and it's self contained and he doesn't leave behind poo and trash!

 

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Oh yes, that’s a given if camping to take all your trash.  I was talking about the motor homes that are infesting Seattle’s streets because of the pandemic.  Thrash and waste becoming a city problem with them all over.  Luckily the parking moratorium on not cracking down has expired.  Even homeowners can’t park theirs on the street when not in use.  Has to be on your property.

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“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.”
― Voltaire

And I usually do.  I love "edit."

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19 hours ago, Marg M said:

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.”
― Voltaire

Haha, I love that!  Never heard it before.

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19 hours ago, Marg M said:

please remember in August I will be 79, and perhaps I repeat things.  If I have, just ignore this. 

Marg, I'm ten years younger than you but could say the same.  The good thing about telling us is it's okay because we forget things!  

Thinking of you with all that's going on, on your plate, and praying for you and your family.

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I spent two hours trying to get someone at US Bank to help me yesterday, website would not work or let me in, reps were incorrigible, I got yelled at, hung up on, transferred, validated I don't know how many times or how many people I talk to, all to no avail.  Just trying to find out why the payment I set up on my Visa didn't come out!  Turns out they had website issues because they were updating, would have been nice to know several reps before that!  Finally gave up and it came out last night.  I hate stuff like that, better things to do with our time!  I thought of Gwen and her continual stuff she's dealing with.

Still have sores in my throat.  Wondering if this is forever.

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3+ hours on the phone today.  Mine fighting with Sears repair and a gift card order. Expedited my repair complaint to possibly have all labor costs returned  So I can call someone else.  Doubt they’ll do it.  Was told they’d be here today, but knowing them I checked snd I wasn’t scheduled. After 4 attempts I’m at the end of my rope. I’m usually a nice customer, not to them.  Problem with that is it makes it worse.  I know this but the anger is 4 months long.  Hard to play nice nice in that.  Now I gotta get outta here for a bit.  Come home to the same monetary.  Another day with absolutely nothing to look forward to.  With nothing TO do.  Don’t even know where I’ll go.  The half sandwich I planned for dinner smelled bad, but I have so much food here.  Was looking forward to Fritos with that but doing a frozen dinner.  Why I bother to make plans I don’t know.

hear ya on the bank thing.  I hate getting transferred around snd dropped to have to start over.  If I had a rep get mad at me I’d be calling that in.   They work for me.  That would be a call I’d want to make and why I always  write down reps names when I call.  Had to redo my Sears jeans order by with help of a rep today.  Dared site logged me out last night and I was afraid it ate my GC info.  Wanted someone on the line to make sure that didn’t happen.  
 

im getting to wonder if I didn’t sit hear most afternoons on the phone what I’d do.  It’s not a job I wanted.  

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Gwen, you could turn them into thee better business bureau, also rate them horribly on Yelp.  It might get you some results.  No excuse for this "service."  USB sent me a survey/questionnaire, I answered them horribly, requested a call back. Ha!  I wouldn't do business with them but that's who my mortgage is through, 1st Tech, my primary bank, doesn't mortgage mobile homes or I would have gone through them.  But honestly, I think it's a sign of the times that customer services is so horrid anymore, Covid hasn't helped it any.

Made some homemade soup for friends going through it...he had eye surgery and everything is left to her, she's exhausted.  It's Kodie's friend's mom & dad.  ;)  Now to walk Kodie and take it to them.

 

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