If You're Going Through Hell

[Widow2015]

7 hours ago, KarenK said:

Dee, glad you are finished with the moving and can maybe get a little rest. Your new place is surely beautiful. I felt a great sadness when I left our cabin for the last time. I just would not feel that way about this place I've lived in for over 50 years.

Karen:  Yes, I am relieved that I am physically finished moving items I wanted to keep.  The neighborhood, (wooded, gravel road),  I'm now living is absolutely 100% different from old neighborhood, (paved street at end of a cul-de-sac in city).  I'm trying to convince myself it is a challenge to get used to a new way to exist independently as much as possible and live the best I can and not be a nuisance to my son.  I am thankful to spend more time with my two grandkids.  

Your leaving your cabin must've been so painful as it signaled the end to a part of your life where you were happiest.  Hugs, Dee  

 

[KarenK]

It surely was, Dee. I actually have an oil painting of the cabin hanging above my tv. It was painted in 1973 by a lifelong friend of my mother's who was an artist. It was one of the first built in the development which has become overrun with homes and rules and regulations. It still beats this lousy desert.  Memories are sweet with a bitter hint at times.

[kevin]

Gwen, you hang in there, we were given a reserve tank for times like this....I see fires, Floods, and Hurricanes last three months and can't fathom the loss these poor individuals are going through....prayers for all...

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

Does anyone know how Marg is fairing with the hurricane Ida? 

I’ve been worried about her too.  The news footage is devastating.  Temps at 100 or more and no electricity.  

[Widow2015]

2 hours ago, KarenK said:

Memories are sweet with a bitter hint at times.

KarenK:  Seems right now that's what drags me out of bed every morning.  The sweet memories of how my Bob always looked forward to his day.  I feel guilty thinking I'm the one here and he's not.

What a wonderful gift that a long time acquaintance of your Mom painted "your cabin".  I can imagine you losing yourself in the memories of what used to be there.  Unfortunately, progress is not always good for us who used to know a quieter, calmer time.

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

I’ve been worried about her too

I could be wrong, but I kinda remember her saying she lived in North Louisiana close to Arkansas ?? If so, she might've gotten some wind and rain.  The strongest winds and torrential rain and flooding seems to have gone more towards Mississippi, Alabama and Tennessee.  I hope I'm right.

I grew up in New Orleans and had just missed Katrina years ago.  I had been to my high school class reunion in June, and Katrina hit in August.  My cousin lives in Lafayette and they escaped the worst of Ida.  Hoping to soon hear from a high school friend.  She and her husband live on a bayou in a home built on stilts in Slidell, LA.

   

[kayc]

I emailed her, have not heard back, that's unusual for her.  Very worried until we hear from her!

[kayc]

I see it hit Sunday and she checked here Monday night.  That's a relief, it means she's alive and has internet...

[kayc]

I've heard from her, she is safe from the storm.

[Gwenivere]

I hope she posts a few words.  Or tosses a salad.

 Had a Zoom talk with their cardiologist.  His assistant moving the tablet did the physical exam.  Just felt like a number to be ticked off.  Didn’t even listen to my heart and I said I get palpitations.  

Had a care conference too with OT, PT, nursing and someone who covers how the facility runs.  Got some answers to my gripes.  Misinformation about my insurance I had to call about.  

I’m so burned out.  The mental struggle harder each day.  I’ve changed my life and don’t know if it will be better.  I’m thinking too far ahead.  I just know in my gut that it’s not going to be Mel and me like it was.  I suppose it could be better with less pain if that happens.  But like Dee moving, you know you’ve made a huge change that will be forever.  Hard to swallow.  Before this I had a semblance of a life.  Just missing Steve which was more than enough.
 

 

[Widow2015]

8 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m so burned out.  The mental struggle harder each day.  I’ve changed my life and don’t know if it will be better.  I’m thinking too far ahead.  I just know in my gut that it’s not going to be Mel and me like it was.  I suppose it could be better with less pain if that happens.  But like Dee moving, you know you’ve made a huge change that will be forever.  Hard to swallow.  Before this I had a semblance of a life.  Just missing Steve which was more than enough.

Gwen:  Just as I was going to sign off my laptop I noticed you had posted.  So sorry to read how your struggles are on going.  I don't believe my decision to move from a home I loved is anywhere comparable to what you have had to endure.   I want to believe your choice for the surgery will give you, Mel and your birds, some resemblance of a life if not at least a  chance of some kind of life with some purpose and joy of accomplishment.  

I seem to be adjusting a little more each day as I settle in with my new routine.  I was able to feel useful today.  Now that school has started, I meet my Granddaughter's school bus in the afternoon.  As I slowly drove down to the bus stop there were a pair of deer walking across the road.  It gave me a moment of joy to see such beautiful creatures so close.  

Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you and hoping to see Marg back with her word salads.  She is missed.  Dee

[kayc]

Gwen, I am so sorry for all you are going through.  The mental part can be very hard.  Then to have to deal with their nonsense on top of it!

I am in the most extreme pain I've ever felt in my life, I was not expecting it to be this bad but getting the top of my foot cut on was horrid when the numbness wore off!  I feel like she hit a nerve or something.  Can't even touch the skin a few inches to the right or left of the bandaging, it's searing hot pain.  Took a ten year old Vicodin last night on top of my sleeping pill.  If not for Kodie...

This xxxx doctor gave me NOTHING for the pain!  I'm usually pretty tough but this knocked me down.

[kayc]

7 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you and hoping to see Marg back with her word salads.  She is missed.  Dee

Yes.

[KarenK]

Kay, it's ridiculous for you to be in pain like that. Call and tell her you need something! A neighbor or church friend could pick it up for you, maybe.

[MartyT]

I agree with Karen, Kay. Thanks to government guidelines, (not rules, but guidelines, mind you) pain medication is rarely prescribed following too many surgeries these days. They just send you home with a pamphlet about "alternative methods of pain control". None of those methods is sufficient enough for post-surgical pain ~ at least not for most normal human beings like us. I urge you to get in touch with your surgeon or your PCP and demand a prescription that will provide you with adequate pain relief following your foot surgery. Be a squeaky wheel ~ or an absolute pest if necessary. I just don't think many of these doctors have ever, ever experienced real post-surgical PAIN.

Also apply an ice pack to your foot at least 3 times a day for as long as you have pain, swelling, and inflammation. For the first 72 hours, ice for 10 minutes, once an hour. (I did that for my hand surgeries and it helped a lot.) ❤️

[Gwenivere]

Being an expert in post surgical pain, I am appalled you were not given anything after yours.  YES!!!  Call them and demand something.  That was totally irresponsible on their part.  Can you get an RX locally when the call it in?

[Margm]

8 hours ago, MartyT said:

They just send you home with a pamphlet about "alternative methods of pain control". None of those methods is sufficient enough for post-surgical pain ~ at least not for most normal human beings like us.

Kay, I'm so sorry you and Gwen are going through such physical pain.  I'm sorry, my kids are moving into Scott's first home he has owned.  I cannot even describe the problems they have had, won't try.  I've just been worried so much about all three of them.  Granddaughter is settling in nicely and has her first boyfriend.  She says he is just a friend that is a boy, won't call him "boyfriend" but they cannot go five minutes without texting.  He goes to school and works two part-time jobs so their seeing each other is when they can.  I'm afraid my daughter is going to kill herself with the arguing with the movers, mobile home company, she has a lawyer, it has gotten that bad and she had to do without her meds for two days.  Can you believe the moving company ran out of gas after loading, in front of their townhouse.  Scott did go to doc and his PSA (prostate marker) was normal so I can breathe a little, but Kelli is pushing herself so hard mentally and physically it scares me.  That is all that has been on my mind and my sister wanting to quit teaching so we have to find government housing.  So, another move and I know she must have 1000 books.  So much furniture on top floor.  

And, I'm still not happy being alone, but prefer it to my granddaughter being stuck in her room with no life.  I will get used to it, or I won't.  

I know doctors are very choicy about the meds they give.  Will give a 79-year-old woman with an essential tremor an antidepressant and tell you in time it will help with the anxiety and life in general.  It will help because you will be dead.  

Don't worry about storms much where we live.  We get the rivers and bayous flooding and tornadoes, but very seldom does a hurricane bring us more than rain and some wind.  We usually have damage but never lost electricity.  The people in South Louisiana are in a horrible existence.  But, you see it on the news.  I was born a couple of miles from the Arkansas line.  I now live about 30 miles or less from Arkansas state line in the sorta Northwestern portion of the state.  Understand "Ida" made a path of destruction all the way to New York and probably further.  

Karen, shouldn't it be monsoon season in Arizona?  Something needs to be done to put out all the fires in the west.   I'm an experienced professional worrier, so sometimes when I'm worried, I'm quieter.  

Dee, we try to call them our "home" but with all of you, a tent would be a home if our loved one was in it.  Until then it is a place to read books, watch TV, eat, and try to stay away from the pandemic.  It is good when we can go to sleep at night, but I guess you have to try real hard to plan on the next day.  I'm not including those that are in physical pain, my bothers are so small.  I'm not going to delete this one.  "Hold the dressing."

[KarenK]

Marg, good to hear from you! I'm sorry your kids are having so much trouble trying to move. As much as I would like to, housing prices have risen so much in the areas I might like that I'll always be stuck here. I'd probably be dead before I could get rid of the 50 years worth of junk around here anyway.  lol

I think the monsoons are over with, but we had an enormous amount of rain compared to the last few years. Lots of flooding, not in my area. Some areas got hit with fire devastation and flooding on top of it.

Ron always said he could live under a rock as long as we were together. He's waiting for me under our personalized rock, I guess. Just not ready to join him yet.

[Widow2015]

3 hours ago, Marg M said:

"Hold the dressing."

Marg: Loved your comment and it is so good to hear from you.  Sorry your kids are involved in a difficult move.  Moving is difficult enough without having to deal with unplanned problems and legal issues.  I can imagine how relieved you were to learn that your son's medical test was normal.  

3 hours ago, KarenK said:

I'd probably be dead before I could get rid of the 50 years worth of junk around here anyway.  lol

KarenK:  Looking back on my last year when I began planning my move, I wish I had started the process at least 3 years ago.  I might have been less exhausted, confused and stressed.  Just glad the majority of it is behind me.  Dee  

[kayc]

22 hours ago, KarenK said:

Kay, it's ridiculous for you to be in pain like that. Call and tell her you need something! A neighbor or church friend could pick it up for you, maybe.

No, she said the laws say you have to be there in person.  The hell if I'm driving 100 miles to pick up a pain Rx in person and then taking it to a pharmacy in person and waiting.  I'm getting by, icing/elevating, it just galls me they didn't warn or prepare me for this!  She said this sometimes happens with this location. ??!!  I feel angry that she acted like I'd be back to normal and able to walk Kodie that night with no problem!  Don't they realize that people need to be prepared?!  I prefer blunt honesty!  She SHOULD have given me a Rx in person when I got the surgery!  Then I could have taken it to a pharmacy before the numbness wore off.

Good news~!  The painter finished my house last night, including some repairs, everything is back in order and I was shocked at the price...originally I'd planned on $2,500 for it by what he'd said, but the more he had to do I was expecting up to $3,500...he only charged me $1,300 (+the gal. of paint I bought) including supplies!  I was speechless!  It looks great!  When I'm up to it, I'll have to take a picture front and back.

21 hours ago, MartyT said:

They just send you home with a pamphlet about "alternative methods of pain control".

They didn't give me that even!  She said to take Ibuprofen & Tylenol, which raises BS and BP (she wasn't aware of that!) and both things I work hard to control.  The pain alone has raised my BS and BP!

21 hours ago, MartyT said:

I just don't think many of these doctors have ever, ever experienced real post-surgical PAIN.

I wanted to enlighten her by kicking her in the B_lls but she doesn't have any, dang it!  Funny how pain drives you to anger in zero to ten seconds!  Showing how human I am...

12 hours ago, Marg M said:

Scott did go to doc and his PSA (prostate marker) was normal

That's great news!  And I was never so happy to see your word salad appear!  Love you Marg!  Sorry we all worried about you.   I'm sorry Kelli is working so hard.  Happy for your granddaughter though.  Sometimes it's a grey area between "friend" and more, takes time to realize...

 

12 hours ago, Marg M said:

But, you see it on the news.

OMG it's horrific!  I can't imagine something that catastrophic on such large scale.  Bad enough we had the worry about the fires destroying everything we own, we're not out of the woods yet, another month of this, idiots abound, starting fires.

 

12 hours ago, Marg M said:

It will help because you will be dead.  

Oh man am I learning that more and more about meds!  And I think how many years I took statins unnecessarily and diabetic meds.  Wish I could get off the BP meds.  But give me my sleeping pill and anxiety meds even if it results in time off my life, we need some quality!

Widow:  I, too, love the "hold the dressing" comment! 

Gwen, you're in my prayers continually. 
 

[KarenK]

Kay, don't know about the law unless it's state law. I thought all the med restrictions were federal driven. Anyway, Robert picks  up all of my medications all of the time, including the pain one. What do people do that can't get to a pharmacy, like you at the moment???  Remember karma is a bitch! Her day will come......

[Gwenivere]

I forgot you have to have the paper RX for pain meds.  I don’t really get that as everything else has gone digital and it makes it especially hard for some people.  You’re a perfect example for distance.  Tho, that doc, IMO, did you a disservice by not giving you an RX if needed.  I honestly don’t know how someone could abuse them anymore as pharmacies are all linked to flag multiple prescriptions now.  When I abused drugs, it was cocaine, so I’m not savvy on the RX stuff.  
 

I miss my old doc that gave me an RX for pain meds if ever needed. 50 every 6 months if I wanted.  This was about 15 to 20 years ago and I had to sign some contract.  Only once I had to do a urine test and tell the if I had or had not taken any in the past couple of days.  That was so if I hadn’t they wouldn’t think I had sold them.  Even with all this, it was simpler than trying to get anything now.   I had to beg my new doc for some the months before surgery.  
 

I just hope you find some relief in this very messed up situation.  

[KarenK]

That's another difference. I used to have to get a paper script from the doctor for Tramadol and take it to the pharmacy. Now he just calls in, or maybe faxes a new one when I run out. I have to get blood test 3 or 4 times a year. My dentist, on the other hand can't send in for pain meds, but my son can pick up the paper script and take it in. Guess everyone has certain restrictions.

[Margm]

Today my sister and I drove across the state line (about 35 miles) to Magnolia to the Walmart my main scripts are kept.  I still go to my  Arkansas Clinic that I went to for about 23 years.  I have a doc in town, but he wants to kill me (although his choice of BP meds was spot on).  Now, when I get Xanax they have to take all the information on my driver's license.  My insurance would not let me refill it if I was a day earlier than last month.  

I had the most delightful conversation with a diminutive 85-year old woman that was so cute, and I would have let her in front of me in line except she was in such good shape, she looked like she could wrestle alligators and win, and sometimes I'm not sure my left knee won't throw me down.  Guess I need to use a walking stick, but I am dangerous with them and will get one caught between my legs while walking.  Need to practice.  I have 3-4 of them.  

Please girls, I hope the pain lets up for all of you who hurt.  I love you all too.  You are the best pen-pals (computer pals) since I was a teenager and we used snail mail.  Better even. 

Dee, I am a gypsy, although none in my DNA.  I am where I will stay (knocking on wood) until I get to be with Billy.  Yet, I still have at least seven of the biggest plastic tubs with tops that I have not looked into in soon to be six years.  I will tell you I put my new fan (quiet) on top of two stacked boxes.  I was tempted to look inside the box.  I have them all taped off with duct tape and this box had "RANDOM CRAP" written on it.  I fought off the urge though.  I didn't look.  

I used to put stuff together that had to be bought in pieces and fixed.  This silly little fan (they took off all the ones I had wanted and now have heaters up.)  Anyhow, it said "quiet" and that's mainly all I wanted.  I took the 7-8 pieces out, could not find the plastic screw, so I arranged them in the box to take back to store.  My granddaughter asked if she could try, I scoffed at her, but sure she could try.  I now have the nicest "quiet" comfortable fan at foot of my bed on box of "random crap."  

I'm not ashamed to give up or not try.  I am tired and retired.  Really, I am so blessed, if any of my family sees I need help, I don't have to ask.  But my friends, I thought being alone was just "being alone."  And it is.  No "just" in front of it.  The older we get we actually understand more and retain it for less time.       

[Gwenivere]

5 hours ago, Marg M said:

You are the best pen-pals (computer pals) since I was a teenager and we used snail mail.  Better even. 

Aw Marg........❤️❤️❤️
 

5 hours ago, Marg M said:

I was tempted to look inside the box.  I have them all taped off with duct tape and this box had "RANDOM CRAP" written on it.  I fought off the urge though.  I didn't look.  

I’m not that organized, but there are things I won’t look at like the bureau drawers or the one he saved all the cards I gave him.  I never go into the music studio anymore.   His prize guitar is out there and I can’t bear to look at it in the stand instead of in his arms.  
 

There’s enough of him to navigate by the very decor of the nest we made.

[Widow2015]

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

Dee, I am a gypsy, although none in my DNA.  I am where I will stay (knocking on wood) until I get to be with Billy.  Yet, I still have at least seven of the biggest plastic tubs with tops that I have not looked into in soon to be six years.  I will tell you I put my new fan (quiet) on top of two stacked boxes.  I was tempted to look inside the box.  I have them all taped off with duct tape and this box had "RANDOM CRAP" written on it.  I fought off the urge though.  I didn't look.  

Marg: Now that I am finally moved out of my house in town, and living  in my little manufactured home,  I hope (knocking on wood, too) there won't be any reason for me to move again.    

Your Granddaughter sounds pretty amazing with her skills to be able to assemble your  fan.  It's pretty evident she and all of your children hold a special place in your heart.   You are blessed to have them so close and willing to help when asked.  Dee