Healing Grief When A Relationship Ends

[MartyT]

5 Things to Do to Heal Your Grief When A Relationship Ends by Susan J. Elliott 

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus

It is in our darkest moments, when we feel the weakest, when we feel that we cannot go on one moment longer, that our true tests happen.

It is also the time when our true self is revealed to us.  Our egos and everyday masks are pulled away from us.  When we are raw and aching and convinced we will not make it, we are left with ourselves and our pain.  

The unbearable pain of human sorrow from loss, of uncertainty as to what the future brings, of how to repair ourselves after someone or something has turned our entire lives to shambles. 

It is here, in the dark, in the pain, in the complete collapse of all we love and all we know, that we come face to face what with what we are truly made of and find the will to go forward.

These are deep, dark and truly frightening moments.  We feel bereft and alone, anxious and frightened, unable to be comforted even for a moment.  We know not where our salvation or our healing will come from, if it comes at all.

We are not sure of anything except the searing pain in our souls and in our hearts.  We cannot think, we cannot make plans, we cannot hold a conversation.  We want to take to our bed and never come out.  To go to sleep and never wake up.  But sleep is impossible and we cannot wish ourselves well and we cannot pray ourselves into immediate wholeness.

And we think that is SO unfair. And adds to our pain.

So, how do we heal our heart when a relationship ends against our wishes and we are deeply bereft?  Here are 5 strategies to help you heal and move on: Read on here >>>

[kayc]

I think, for me, when a relationship has ended, there was something deep inside of me that knew it could not last and I hoped against hope that it would not go that way...but when the finality came and I could no longer kid myself, for me that is when I sprang into decisiveness and did what I knew I needed to do for myself.  With the heartbreak, if I am honest, there also existed some relief that it was over, even though my heart was shattered and in pieces, for now I could begin the healing process.

I don't know why we sometimes avoid the inevitable, why we put off what we know surely has to come, for deep down inside, if we are truly honest with ourselves, we know something just wasn't quite right.  We loved that person, so we didn't want to face it, but in the end, it releases us to be in our "right way", even with that person, whether we go our own ways or eventually are friends.  

The pain of a heartbreak is so gut wrenching, so encompassing, it grabs for our full attention...and gets it.  And sometimes that is what is needed in order to listen to ourselves, in order to make something beautiful of the pieces. of our life.

[ChinUp54]

The part of the article that spoke to me the most was "Go easy with yourself when you are grieving...learn to cut yourself some slack.  Insist that others cut you some slack, if not by words, by actions.  Don't be the one who is always there.  Don't go places you don't want to go or do things you don't want to do. Stop running and learn to be okay in the "me" space."  My mother and her husband visited me this past weekend and I should have said no to the visit, or at least shortened it to an overnight - 2 at the most.  Visits with my mother are exhausting and this one left me feeling beat up, inadequate and hurting worse than I was when they arrived.  It's really sad that I have to "prepare" myself for a visit with her and this time I wasn't emotionally strong enough to do that.  Needless to say it wasn't one of my best weekends.  Mother said they won't be visiting me again, which is an idle threat I know, but going forward I'm going to be the one to say no to the visit. As if not visiting me is some sort of punishment!  I dread her visits!! I deserve to be treated better when someone is a guest in my home.  Some people are never happy with what you do or say. Her "jokes" are criticisms and very hurtful and often cruel. 

Going forward I will really take a look at what visits with her accomplish and whether its worth it to ME to put myself into that line of fire.  I feel better today than I did on Monday and earlier in the week, but really need to consider what's best in the future.  I prefer to spend holidays alone than with someone who feels they can say whatever they like to me without repercussions.  AGH!  Thanks for listening and for now I'm staying home!

[MartyT]

Good for you! And kudos to you for "cutting yourself some slack!" I'm so sorry this happened to you, and sorry that your mother treats you with such disregard and disrespect ~ but you've every right to decide where you spend your time, when and with whom ~ especially in your own home!

[kayc]

ChinUp,

Good for you for listening to your inner self, what you need and what you don't.  You don't have to please your mother, thank God.  I've found when I am grieving it really helps to surround myself around people that are uplifting and not downers.  I don't need people passing judgment or finding fault or criticizing.  I need people who exude caring and supportiveness. 

[tbop42]

This article was very helpful, thank you so much. I am so dizzy with grief at the moment I can't even think straight. Hoping I can shift my focus and apply some of these to my life soon.