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16 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Laura, I just now happened upon this article and it made me think of you ~ especially when I read the last paragraph: Falling Over and The Metaphysical Reason Behind It 

That was really interesting, and I think you are right-my falls are generally on the level or going up, but not down the steps (maybe that's because if I were about to fall down the steps I wouldn't since I can fly...hahaha)

 

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Thanks, Kay, Marty, George and Anne! I'm so glad you like my paintings-it makes me feel good! I think all of the arts need an audience because they are meant to express something. If it is effective art, the "audience" should feel or experience something. And Lena, magnificent as she is, has no appreciation for paintings...

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2 hours ago, kayc said:

You can get Neuropathy from Diabetes (I am Diabetic) but they can't say conclusively that's what caused it.  Morton's Neuroma is hereditary, my little sister has it.

Kalso Earth shoes have 3.7% decline, in other words, the toe is higher than the heel, other shoes are the opposite.  Most of them have great arch supports and wider toe boxes so your little toes aren't squished up.  Anna Kalso designed them to pattern after feet walking in sand.  They also exercise your feet more, give more stability (less falls!), and strengthen your tendons.  I used to work for an orthotic facility so I knew of them back in the 1970s but it wasn't until I got Morton's Neuroma that I switched to them completely.  I've had messed up tendons from wearing heels in my younger days (oh the price we pay as we age!), the pain actually started when I was pregnant with my daughter (34 years ago) but I wasn't aware there was anything I could do about it for years.  I met up with my friend, the orthotist shortly after George died and he did a test on me, proving to me that they would work better for me.  I also assisted him by testing at the Nike Lab at the University of Oregon for these shoes and some other diabetic shoes he developed.  He couldn't get anyone interested in making the shoes he developed so this is the next best thing there is.  The ones he developed aren't negative heels, they're totally flat (most "flats" are not flat), but they have carbon fiber in them that propels you.  He made me one pair of those but he used uppers from another pair and the uppers are too sloppy, unfortunately, the sole that he developed is great!  They're also great for athletes, they help you stay on the path, much like the super effect they use on roads.  Sigh...hopefully someday someone will show interest in making them.  

Hi Kay! I am a little confused about this...I remember the Earth Shoes from the 70's. But here you wrote "Sigh...hopefully someday someone will show interest in making them" and I must be missing something because I looked up Kalso Earth Shoes on Amazon and there are tons of them-you can buy RED Mary Janes! 

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Kalso Earth Shoes are being made.  I was referring to the diabetic shoes my orthotic friend invented.  He could not get anyone to look at them (for manufacturing & marketing) in spite of the lab results he has proven on them!

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Just now, kayc said:

Kalso Earth Shoes are being made.  I was referring to the diabetic shoes my orthotic friend invented.  He could not get anyone to look at them (for manufacturing & marketing) in spite of the lab results he has proven on them!

Oh, well that's too bad. I mean after all, there are sure a lot of people of people with diabetes...

So you wear the Kalso Earth Shoes? How is the sizing? Large, small, true to size? I especially like the one they call the Solar Flat. I have always had to buy really good shoes-and the right kind of shoes for anything I was doing-any sport, anything-even when I was very young and had no money. I would have a few pieces of specialized athletic clothing, top notch shoes for whatever I was doing, and everything else came from the Goodwill store. And now, looking back at it, I'm glad I was always a fanatic about good shoes and good sunglasses, because I would certainly be in worse shape than I am had I not done so. And now I have work where I can prance in with a flower in my hair, Birkenstocks, and flowy, flowery, patchwork skirts like I am headed for a luau, and get away with it. So you think the Kalso shoes are good?

 

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I think Kalso Earth normally runs a little bigger than other shoes but I've been wearing them so long I don't know what I'd take in another shoe.  I buy 7 in dress and sandals, 7.5 in athletic and boots and slippers.  They have a sizing guide on line, I used to have one but I deleted it.

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So, I went to the gym and lifted weights and did the first Aqua Aerobics class I have done since March 31. I also walked against the current in the "Lazy River" 1/2 miles. They have a program where you get points for walking or doing other exercise at the gym, and you can earn stuff as you go. At 250 points you get a water bottle, at 500 you get a T-Shirt, and when you get to 1000 points you get a hooded sweatshirt, and they say "I climbed Mingus Mountain at the Cottonwood Rec Center". I was hot on the trail of this before my dad died, but am back to it again. A nice little added incentive. I now have 428 points. So I'm sitting at the computer and my back and arms and legs are a little sore and I'm thinking it's from those falls on Monday and Tuesday-but I felt ok on Wednesday. Then I remember-No-that's not it-it's that feeling you get after you've had a good workout. Just a little sore but not too much...I may be still lost sometimes, but I'm making progress.

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About that fall on the kitchen floor...I just saw Lena fishtail on the same spot where I slipped. Hmmm...seems suspicious-yup-a slick spot! How come I never got down and looked at it before? This isn't good...I fall and it seems so status quo that I don't even look at the floor.  Someone needs to start taking better care of things around here, or get someone else to do it...

I am getting better, and keep having this thought that "I'm all better now!" Perhaps this is an unrealistic expectation...

 

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I remember when Mary (MFH) went through that, I think it turned out to be a leaking dishwasher.  Keep an eye on that spot!

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I'm going to the Flagstaff folk music annual campout! I'm not really ready todo the whole thing-camp out Fri and Sat night, and they have a big dinner and a pancake breakfast on Sun morning. People play music and jam until late at night, starting again in the morning. It's so nice playing music with my friends--and lately it's been the only time I really feel normal and like myself. But it's been hard to do this since none of these people live in Sedona and are either in Flagstaff (an hour away) or in the Cottonwood/Verde Valley area, (a half hour or more in the other direction). Tonight is out of the question since I am working out on the reservation today, but I hate to miss it altogether since almost all of my musician friends in Flagstaff will be out there (even some of the classical-orchestra) folks will be there and they have seen little of me for the past five months. So I've been talking to my friend G, a retired OT, and our buddy Ken-the professional camper. Ken makes these amazing wooden chuck-boxes for a living since he retired as a h.s. shop teacher, and a few years ago I bought one not only for myself, but my sister Suzanne who is barely speaking to me (Suzanne, whose house I helped her save from foreclosure and then she said we were divorced because I refused to give her the banjo Daddy gave me 8 years ago). I bought Suzanne the big deluxe one so she could really strut her stuff because she's a fabulous cook, and I have a smaller version, but it's still a big wooden box that you fit (and store) an entire kitchen in.

I was explaining to G that the only way I can to this is to sleaze my way through one night with help from my friends and she asked me if I couldn't at least bring my chuck box since Ken wouldn't understand my showing up without it. So I explained how I would have to drag it through the house and my OT, whom I am seeing for essentially carpal tunnel and tennis elbow that I was not to be hauling stuff around with my left hand. So G, the retired OT, says, "Oh, the OT said that? OK- then I'll tell Ken you're temporarily handicapped". So we came up with this plan whereby I can drive up with my cello, chair, cooler and a few other things, hang out at the campground, eat dinner, and then when G and I are tired, I'll drive us over to G's house a mile away and we'll stay there. So I'll also get to play on Sunday morning and not have an hourlong drive home through a winding canyon with sketchy cell phone reception late at night. She is also temporarily handicapped-and is not even allowed to drive; she had a major aneurism less than a year ago that she suffered within a year of losing her mother whom she was caring for. That was really scary-I was afraid I would never see her again, but here she is, walking and talking. It'll be good to get to spend some time with G-she's someone that it always seemed I should be better friends with-and we've worked together, but I guess we were just too busy caring for our elderly parents to do anything but a quick chat and a hug after leaving a meeting at a school or a contra dance. But now things are different. It's really nice of her to help me make this work so I can go without injuring myself further, and Ken can do without her for a night-after all, he's a professional camper!

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5 minutes ago, kayc said:

I remember when Mary (MFH) went through that, I think it turned out to be a leaking dishwasher.  Keep an eye on that spot!

Thanks! The spot is suspiciously located in between the refrigerator, the dining room table, and spot where the cat eats. I've contacted the housekeeper (my dad told me to-she was his housekeeper). She is great and does a lot better job of it than I do, pushing a paper towel around the floor with my foot. She will actually clean the floor...

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Can you pull the refrigerator out and make sure it isn't leaking?  Otherwise, maybe it was the cat's water that spilled?

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14 hours ago, kayc said:

Can you pull the refrigerator out and make sure it isn't leaking?  Otherwise, maybe it was the cat's water that spilled?

I suspect it's some food spill...something slippery.

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Not my fault, but not good either - a car accident! And the reservations are like a foreign country...

So I was driving out to the school on the reservation and went down the hill to turn right into the school parking lot at the bottom of the hill. As it turned out, the special ed bus was coming along behind me and so the driver, the special ed teacher and an aide were all in the bus and witnessed what happened. There was a woman sitting in her car near the school on the right-hand side of the road I was on – northbound. Apparently, she was lost and consulting with her map/gps function on her cell phone. According to the witnesses, at some point she just pulled out onto the road without looking, and sideswiped th my car which was right in front of her as I was making my right hand turn into the school parking lot. She hit me so hard that she was unable to open her driver’s door and she pushed my car sideways from one lane of the drive to the other. My car has damage to at least 5 panels, including both doors, but it drives ok.

She chased me around, yelling at me and accusing me of being in the left turn lane with my left turn indicator on, adding that I had turned into the parking lot by cutting across the northbound lane of the road. It's a one lane road going in each direction, but northbound as we were going, there is a left lane-so that you can turn onto a road that is across the street from Second Mesa day school.

I have no idea how she spun this bizarre story so quickly. Had it been true, she would have T-boned me, possibly rolling my car on impact, rather than side swiping me. In any event, we would have been out in the middle of the road and not in the drive to the school. The officers separated us several times because she kept chasing me around trying to convince me of her bizarre story, and I didn't really know what happened-I never saw her until she hit me.

They took me by ambulance to the ER and they didn't give me my drivers license registration and insurance card back. Eventually I discovered that they turned them in at the school. But I was not able to find out wher name or that of her insurance company is. You know – normally, you exchange this information at the scene of an accident. But the police actually prevented me from finding out who she was by keeping her away from me.

 I called my insurance company and they told me that if I filed it through my company I would have to pay the deductible although I might be able to get it back. I would also have only $5K coverage for medical-and I already have an E.R. and ambulance bill. She would be required to carry at least $15K of medical on liability. Unfortunately I obviously can't file a claim against her insurance company if I don't know who she is or who her insurance company is.

I called the Hopi tribal police and they told me that they could not give me a copy of the accident report, which would of course have her name and insurance information on it.

The Hopi tribal police told me that they would send the accident report to both insurance companies. The insurance company told me if they did that it would basically be like sending it to space because there will be no claim to attach it to. That leaves me with only the possibility of filing a claim with my own insurance company, which is a bad deal.

Then I called the tribal police back and explained to them how they had prevented me from collecting information that I had a right to –the woman's name and insurance company information. She eventually agreed to fax the accident report to my insurance agent instead of the claims department. I sure hope she does it!

I seem to be ok-a little stiff; I imagine I’ll be seeing a chiropractor soon. I think they are the best at figuring out and fixing that sort of thing.

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She should have filed and the police should have a report with her name.  File a police report (it's required).  Your insurance company should be trying to help you!  I'm so sorry!  How hurt are you?  What the hell, the police won't give you her name?  It's law to exchange that information!  Good grief!

Are you able to take Ibuprofen?  Anything hurt in particular?  Perhaps icing will help.

Gosh, just what you need!  So sorry!

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The police does have a report with her name and insurance information on it, but the officer who was at the accident and wrote the report told me that she could not release that information to me.  My agent is out of town, and so I talked to her assistant and got the impression that I would be screwed if I filed with my own insurance co. Then I called the officer back and very sweetly suggested that generally at the scene of an accident people are supposed to exchange insurance information. However, this very officer had prevented me from doing so.

I had this happen once before, where a woman backed into me in a parking lot (as I was driving slowly by) and became hostile and belligerent with me, accusing me of damaging her car. The officer pointed out that we were supposed to do this exchange ourselves, but similarly, since the woman was being such a problem, he facilitated the exchange of information. That was about ten years ago and in Tucson. That woman continued to be accusatory and ugly as we worked through the insurance process. Then the adjustor came out to see my car, dented on the side. having already having seen the damage to her rear bumper. He started out basically convinced that I was at fault and the woman was right. But he took one look at my car and said, "Where should we send the check?"

I think this will go similarly once I get the information. The damage to the vehicles and the ending position of the vehicles could not possibly be a result of her story, and there were also a bunch of eyewitnesses-three in the school bus behind me and more in the parking lot. She thought if she could badger be into agreeing with her that I had been in the left turn lane signaling left, she could then use that with the officers to say I admitted fault. When she first said that I was in the left turn lane signaling left, I said "I don't think that's true". She took that as a weak statement-that I didn't know what happened. But it makes no sense. I have driven down this hill and turned right into this parking lot on the way to work for four years. Why would I be on the other side of the road? But it amazed me how quickly she fabricated this crazy story and tried to shove it down my throat. She was sitting in her car trying to figure out where she was and how to get there, and then just turned into traffic without looking. I can understand how a confused and lost person who had been driving too long might pull out into traffic without thinking or looking but the facility at lying is amazing, It was very fortunate that all those people were around and that the police were there immediately. 

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43 minutes ago, kayc said:

  What the hell, the police won't give you her name?  It's law to exchange that information!  Good grief!

Are you able to take Ibuprofen?  Anything hurt in particular?

Yeah, I can take Ibuprofen, and did. I had some funny visual effects and was kind of woozy when I was at the ER, but it seemed to go away. I'll see how I am in the morning. I really wanted to go up to Flagstaff and play music with my folkie friends tomorrow, but I'll see how it looks in the morning. I think I'll be ok.

The law is a weird thing out there. Sometimes State Law rules and sometimes Federal Law trumps State Law. Sometimes there is some Tribal Law that prevails, and sometimes people just don't know or care what they are doing out there and make it up as they go along. When that officer refused to give me the other driver's name, I think she was thinking of something else, like ace if I had called about someone else's accident, and she certainly was not thinking about how it's the law to exchange information and she had prevented us from doing so. she wouldn't let the other woman near me, and she wouldn't give me my own license, registration and insurance card back. But then she didn't want to back down and say she had erred, so once I gave her the option of just faxing it to my agent, she went for it. I hope she actually does it!

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Concussion can affect visual, did you hit your head?

Wow, police sure handle things differently here.  Maybe they don't get training there?  Weird!

I hope you get your car fixed to your satisfaction, and give you a loaner.

 

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I don't think I hit my head, but being hit throws your brain over to the other side of your skull-I think this inside injury is called a countrecoup. It can cause some confusion and that kind of thing. I seem to be doing ok today, woke up without an alarm at 6:15, took a shower, made brownies for a potluck, and started getting ready to go up to Flagstaff. I even painted my toenails purple. I'm going up to play music with my friends-it's an all weekend campout/potluck event that's organized by the folk music group. I will be camping at my friend's house-we'll just go over there when we get tired. It's really nice of her.

The police...well it's the tribal police, and while I have always found then to be as cordial and professional as any officers I have seen anywhere (all of my contacts with them previously have been related to kids I was working with), it's the reservation. In many aspects it's like a foreign country. Think third world country... 

As to the car, I think that will all sort out ok. My agent will be able to get a copy of the police report, the other driver has insurance, and so do I. The only thing that concerns me is that they may decide it's a total loss, since it's 10 years old and has 282,000 miles on it. I was hoping to get another year out of that car. We'll see...

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Laura, I'm just grateful that you're okay. As we've come to know, you are a very busy, active person ~ and here is yet another minor accidental injury. We want to make sure you're taking good care of you!  I hope you'll tune in to whatever your body is telling you, pay close attention, and if any further symptoms develop, you'll get yourself in for a checkup ASAP, just to rule out any hidden injury that may be present.

Your experience with police on the reservation reminds me so much of the TV show Longmire ~ a modern-day crime drama that takes place in Wyoming, and one of the few "crime" shows I really like. As the local sheriff, the lead character is often challenged by the differences in law enforcement on the reservation as compared to the county in which he serves. (The series aired for three seasons before it was canceled by A&E, but this past September it was picked up by Netflix for Season 4, and I'm pleased to learn that it's been renewed for yet another season ~ although I understand this will be its last.)  

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On May 21, 2016 at 11:09 AM, MartyT said:

Laura, I'm just grateful that you're okay. As we've come to know, you are a very busy, active person ~ and here is yet another minor accidental injury. We want to make sure you're taking good care of you!  I hope you'll tune in to whatever your body is telling you, pay close attention, and if any further symptoms develop, you'll get yourself in for a checkup ASAP, just to rule out any hidden injury that may be present.

Your experience with police on the reservation reminds me so much of the TV show Longmire ...

Thank you, Marty!  I'll check out Longmire... I think my insurance agent will have no trouble getting the police report once she gets back to town. I went up to play music with my friends during a week-end-long campout, but I followed my OT's directions and did not haul a bunch of heavy stuff around. I camped out at my friend G's house-she is a retired OT who, after retiring, traveling all over the northwest into Alaska in a camper, caring for her difficult mother, handling her mother's death, suffered a massive aneurism, from which she is still recovering. It was wonderful to spend the night together at her house and get to know each other better. We have known each other a long time but never had the time to really get to know each other. Anyway, she is still not allowed to drive, rite a bike, climb onto a chair, lift heavy stuff, etc. I was telling her about my struggle to find a reasonable explanation for why grief is so exhausting, and she looked at me like I had two heads and told me that there is a lot of research about the physiological and cognitive effects of significant grieving. I told her about my Riptide analogy.

One of the coolest things about the camping (in my case pretending to camp) weekend was that three nine-year old girls, two of whom play the ukulele were talking about how they were learning a song called "Riptide" and wanted to play it for the group after dinner but thought they were too shy to play it for a bunch of people-mostly adults. I got my uke and we all sat down to work on this song together; they were teaching me this song I'd never heard, and I was helping them with how to keep the rhythm together. This attracted the attention of a guy who was familiar with the song. I got him to capo up his guitar like a ukulele & he joined us. After dinner we got two more guys to back us up and we played for the group, with the girls in the middle. They got more confident as they went along and at least two of the girls' dads videotaped them on their phones. The girls got a lot of kudos and were really jazzed about it. It was really cool...

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I'm going to learn-really learn-that song, Riptide, that I kinda learned at the campout this weekend...seems appropriate, aside from the lyric, which are irrelevant. It's just that I'm always talking about the riptide effect of grief's effects making you feel like you're in a riptide, being swept out to sea in an undercurrent while on the surface everything looks normal,

Also from the campout last weekend with my musician friends, I was talking to my retired OT friend G about the riptide effect and she commented that it is a very strange thing that in a state of grief or other trauma, that we are supposed to act normal when nothing inside feels normal at all. We are ripped apart inside and yet are expected to show up fully functioning at work and everything. They "understand" and you can get away with a little slip here and there, but not much. For me, it's been only four months since I lost my father, my best friend, my safety net, the person to whom I could tell anything, the person who was always on my side, and had my back. I also seem to have lost my sisters, who seem to have been primarily interested in using me to get our father to send them money-I don't think they cared about our dad at all, and not me at all. And then I lost my aunt, to whom I was closer to than her sister-my mother. I also lost my uncle, two weeks before my dad, with whom I was not close, but worst than that I lost one of my best mucisian-mentor friends, suddenly at the age of 46. I also lost Patty, my mentor and beloved painting teacher, and along with her the entire watercolor painting program-and my artistic support-at the community college where I have been taking classes for the past five years. I have been trying to continue painting on my own and joined up with the ceramics class, which similar to Patty's former painting group in that it has a very longterm group of friendly potters who are supportive of each others. I am fortunate that they have embraced me, and a few of them I knew from before, through contra dance, painting, or another music group. But still, there I am-a water colorist hanging out with the potters, like a bird of a different species in a flock.

On the other hand, as a Jewish convert, I am familiar with the grieving customs of traditional Judaism and I think I would be much worse off there. They expect a full year of grieving behaviors and then they observe the yahrzeit of the deceased loved one every year on the anniversary. The people all stand up with you at Shabbat services as you observe the yahrzeit of the loved one. That part is good and I think the full year of serious grieving and observing the yahrzeit are consistent with what people feel. But for me that would be impossible for me since I am not in a close-knit community of others. No one came over to my house to bring food, sit shiva, or do anything else with me at my house. I was here alone. Had I been prohibited from doing anything where there was any music or entertainment of any kind, I would have been even more isolated than I was. Maybe that is in some part because almost all of my friends are musicians. When I enter people in my contact list on my phone I always enter their instrument in case I get stumped. Huh-what is the name of that cool mando player I met at the ...? I just look up "mandolin" and their name pops up! If I meet someone and they don't play an instrument I'm always stymied but come up with something...potter, jeweler, etc.

Anyway, I think it comes down to the reality that multiple significant losses and the isolation is really a heavy blow. Right now, I don't want to go to work, but I think I'd better go get in the car and go...

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So, I was in this car accident that was caused by the other driver and apparently I have no right to any information. I am not allowed to see the police report, and the witnesses who talked to the police are not allowed to talk to me. The police prevented me from talking to the other driver-to exchange name & insurance information, and they will not tell me who she is or who her insurance company is. It's really hard to believe that you can cause a car accident which injures the other person and damages their vehicle, and remain anonymous, even if you are at fault-that the police can protect the perpetrator from the victim's learning who they are.

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Laura,

This is really weird.  I had a driver hit me 2 1/2 years ago and I was able to view the police report on my insurance site.  I've never heard of anyone keeping this information secret!  It's the law you're supposed to exchange that information at the time of the accident.  I am not familiar with tribal land (even though my husband was Native American) but when it's within the US, I would think federal laws would apply. ???  This is just bizarre!

About the Jewish customs, I wouldn't worry about how they handle things if it doesn't work for you.  As you say, being alone is hard, and not having others come be with you when you are grieving and have a loss, that is just hard.  I would think you'd handle it the best way you can, and if it helps you to be around other musicians, then that's what I would do.  Maybe that's not what other Jews do, but your situation is different, as you've noted.

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Fortunately, I am not a conservative jew and so those customs are not really applicable, and it's not like something that I grew up, but it just got me to thinking about how seriously they take it-like they obviously believe that you should be in serious mourning for at least a year, and I think they have a point. They expect that you are not going to have a normal life for at least a year. The hospice bereavement counselor typically sees people for 13 months after a loss. Those two things hang together, but it is really at odds with the culture at large here, where they seem to expect that we should have "gotten over it" in a much shorter period of time.

I think our culture's expectations are just bizarre...I mean, here I am at work four months after losing my father, for whom I was caring. And I've been at work all along. It's not really any wonder that I've had multiple falls, car incidents, and a slew of losing stuff, making numb mistakes, etc (trouble holding things together). But I think it's what the world around me expects me to be doing- I don't think it's my imagination or some anxious paranoia that makes me feel that pressure from around me to keep on keeping on in spite of it all...

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