Behaviour

[Mom's angel]

A lot has been going on. Thought about my  mother are always there but I'm now avoiding them. 

I used to see her videos but now they're making me uncomfortable/ I don't know how to put that feeling in words. In all I'm avoiding things related to her/ her death. When someone talks about the time she was in hospital I don't feel good I feel like running away from that conversation. 

Somehow I'm hating myself for doing/feeling like this. I thought I won't be able to live without her but here I am living in this world without her, doing my things.

 

[kayc]

Are you seeing a grief counselor?  It'd be good to get their take on this.  Sometimes we need some respite from the grief, and so long as it doesn't last, I don't see a problem with taking a break from it.  But if you're avoiding it for too long, you don't let yourself deal with the grief and it doesn't go away, it's still there waiting for you.  There was a guy that lost his fiance and shoved it out of his mind.  He eventually married and had kids but then 20 years after the fact, he started having this grief come up.  It hadn't gone away, it was like it was on a back burner and he then had to deal with it.

[Mom's angel]

Nop I'm not seeing any grief counsellor.

I don't know what it is but I'll wait that's the only thing I can do. I've been too much busy the past two months, busy in all kind of stress and work and travelling. Maybe the ' keeping yourself busy' thing is working now. I cannot rush things. Maybe a little bit time alone will make me understand things.