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LDR distant after mom got sick


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My girlfriend and I met about a month and a half ago online. We got along super well and she has told me she loves me. When we met she told me her mom has cancer. Recently her mom went in for surgery and got the tumor removed. While under anesthesia she experienced brain bleeding and had to be put into a medically induced coma. She healed up and was awoken. All this while me and my girlfriend and I talked every day. We had plans to meet up on June 18th but she said if her mom woke up we probably wouldn't be able to hang out because she would have to take care of her.  After her mom woke up I still tried to hang out, selfishly so, we got into a little argument over it. We were still talking for another day or so but then she cut me off for a few days. I thought it was because I had acted selfish when it came to hanging out So I sent her a couple apologies via text. She finally replied a couple days later and said "my mom is really sick. I can't focus on myself right now" I said I understand and wish there was something I could do to help. Because she wouldn't ever reply I asked if she wanted space or wanted me to leave her alone for good. She didn't reply but the next night texted "how are you?". I said "I missed you" and she said "really?" I said "couldn't you tell" and she said no. I thought that was weird because I had texted her 5 times without a reply. I said "I love you like crazy", and she said "good". I said "I still wanna be with you through think and thin. Is that still ok?" she replied "yes". Since then I'll just message her something supportive half way though each day and she will not reply with words but just sends me pictures of herself. It's been like this for a couple days. She won't talk to me just sends me pictures of herself. I don't know how to take this. Yesterday was the last time we talked but it was weird because we were actually texting and she sent me some provocative non nude pics and then when I complemented them she full on sent a nude then talked dirty for a bit before shutting me down again. I was taken aback from this because I don't want the only time we actually talk to be sexual. This had me nervous so I asked "do you still love me? I'll understand either way" she didn't reply. So I have no idea what to do. I do really like this girl. I feel like if I don't text her during the day she will think I'm not being supportive enough or giving up. But it's so hard pretty much talking to a wall when I text her trying to show support. Should I maybe not text her for a few days or until she texts me again? I guess in the back of my head I feel like this could be about more then just her mom being sick. I have no idea what to do in this situation

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You're only 1 1/2 months into this relationship so it'd be hard to tell if she's pulling back because of her mom or something else.  It is a normal grief response for some to pull back or break up when they are going through losing someone close to them.  They can't focus on the grief AND the relationship at once, it's too much. 

It's important to be supportive and respectful of her wishes at this time.  The hard part is sometimes they don't let you know what they want, perhaps because they're conflicted and don't know themselves.

My advice: don't talk relationship talk, don't put any pressure on her, be completely unselfish.  If she does break up with you, it'll be important to focus on you, spend time with family and friends, keep busy, work on yourself.  

There are a lot of posts in similar situations, posted in "Loss of Love" section.  It might help to go through and read them to get an overall idea that this isn't about you, it's not personal, it's what SHE is going through, and there may or may not be anything you can do to save this relationship, but if you give her the space she needs and respect her wishes, you have your best chance.

I wish you this best.  She hasn't given you enough to go on so I can't say what you should do, you'll have to take your cues from her, and I'm sure she'll be letting you know soon.

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Advice from a guy.

At 1.5 months you are not yet in love. You only think you are. At this point any relationship you thought existed is still part of a fantasy that your mind constructs during the early stages of meeting a new romantic contact. 

People are programmed by biology to feel this way in the early stages of meeting. It is like a drug that fills you with euphoria. Now with the unfortunate event in your girlfriend's life you are left going through withdrawals.

At this stage of the relationship I would back away. But you don't need to ghost her. You have already identified that your behaviors are selfish. Call her and say that you are asking for too much of her time under these circumstances, you don't want to be selfish and you are going to give her some space to be with her mom. 

You don't need to close the door completely. Schedule a call every two weeks to check in.

Otherwise let her take the lead and find aa healthy way to keep yourself busy.

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I know you don't want to hear this but this person put bluntly what I was already thinking, and it's good advice.  

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It's hard to say, because she may want the support or she may want the space.  Make sure you take your cues from her.  I'd send flowers with a card, but maybe just go easy on the texts.  She's going to be really busy in the next few days anyway.

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I agree with Kay here. Flowers and and a nice card with condolences is good. Be prepared to not hear from her for several days, only because she will be busy and then look for her reaction to the loss. If she starts to pull away let her go.

 

But don't be selfish about it. Let her know you understand that she needs some space and will be there to listen when she needs you.

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Thanks everyone for the replies.  Today I texted my girlfriend 

"Hey *****. Can I be honest? I feel scared and rejected when you don’t call or text me, because I worry you’re not interested in me anymore"

She said 

"Don't feel like that"

"I am just mourning"

We talked a little more and she said "I love u" for the first time in weeks

My question is how should I feel about her posting on instagram daily after her mom died saying things like #beautiful #happy. Just thought it's weird someone would hastag happy days after their mom died. And then guys will hit on her and she replies with a ;) or awwh. Just nervous cause it's long distance and I know people sometimes try to get affection elsewhere during times of grief.

Edited by Joesloni
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It doesn't sound like your problems are grief, but insecurity/trust.  Not saying you're wrong to feel that way...I would probably feel the same way if I was in a committed relationship with someone who was giving off mixed messages.  If in a committed exclusive relationship, it's important to establish clear boundaries and expectations.  If not in a committed exclusive relationship, you can't expect exclusiveness.  It sounds like she's still interested in you but perhaps you haven't closed the deal either.

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