Dad dies and then BF breaks up with me

[brs92]

So it's been a pretty horrible year for me and my family. On April 10th my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 esophogeal cancer and given a month to live. He died on May 8th. It was a bit of a shock because prior to April my dad was completely healthy, he didn't really have any symptoms prior to his diagnosis except for some trouble swallowing a couple weeks before. My mom is doing ok especially since she just lost her mom 9 months prior, but I worry about her constantly. I am currently in medical school 8 hours away from my family, I'm actually at the school that my dad attended. I was hoping to practice with him once I finished school. I was also in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of a year at the time. He lives three hours away from my school. A couple weeks after the funeral I had to come back to school and it was really really hard for me especially because I had a bunch of exams to make up and I was alone. I had a panic attack the day I got back to school and my boyfriend tried to help me through it but there wasn't a lot he could do because he wasn't with me. I asked him if he could come visit me the next weekend because I needed some support, he wasn't gonna come at first and we had a few days of fighting about it but he eventually came. We had a nice weekend, but I felt like he was being distant. After that weekend I felt like he started calling me less and less and when we did talk I felt like he wasn't listening to me. I wanted to come visit him a couple weeks later and he told me he was too busy and I couldn't come. I got really upset after that and we had some heated discussion and he ended up breaking up with me because he had too much going on. After that I just completely fell a part. I couldn't understand why someone who loved me and even said he wanted to marry me couldn't support me when I was going through something so terrible. I spent a few days in mourning and then I decided to get out of my apartment. I ended up meeting some guy at a park and the next day we were on a date. He even came over to my apartment after. It was a nice time, but I sill upset about everything else. On Father's Day my ex contacted me to check in and wanting to get back together i think, but I told him about my date and he got really upset almost to the point where he was scaring me with what he would do. He has called me a few times since and he still wants to get back together possibly. Right now we are going no contact for a while. I just don't know what to do or think. I know I am not emotionally ok after just loosing my dad and I'm not sure if I should give someone a second chance that completely broke my heart. I need time alone, but it is just really hard being alone here. I have no friends or anyone to talk to except my mom, and I don't want to bother her because she is already going through enough. 

[kayc]

Oh hon, I'm so sorry!  You only went on a date because you so desperately needed someone and your BF was not there for you.  Doesn't excuse it, but we do crazy things when we're grieving sometimes.  You are right, you want and need someone who will be there for you through thick and thin and really care what you're going through.  Time will tell if the two of you can work it out or not, but it's not looking good that he was distancing himself from you just when you most needed him.

Try not to think about XBF, right now you have your hands full dealing with your grief of your father.  And medical school, that's enough to stretch anyone to the limit!  Take a deep breath, a year from now you'll view everything differently, well maybe two years, but you'll get through this, I promise.  And the future will look so much better than the "now" does right now.  

I don't know if you've read any of the other posts in Loss of Love section or not, most of them are about people who are grieving breaking up with their relationship because they can't handle anything but their grief at the time.  The situation you find yourself in is a little more unique because of its complications.

Try to take good care of yourself, drink lots of water and eat healthy, get a walk in or go to the gym once a day.  I know that sounds like a platitude, but it's true, the better we take care of ourselves, the better prepared our brain (& heart) are for dealing with all it's loaded down with.  And going through grief, we need all the help we can muster.

Normally I tell people to spend time with family/friends, but you probably have your hands full with studies right now, still, if you can take a break with someone and enjoy yourself for an hour or two, it'll help freshen your perspective.  

It does help to express yourself here, at least it's a safe place where there are people here who understand.  (((hugs)))  I'm so sorry for the loss of your father and the plans you had with him.