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Feeling lost


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Thanks for the hug Bill, I would like to return one to you also.  I'm glad you are going to talk to someone.  It really has helped me.  I wish that we had happier things in common.  Some day we might.

 

Thanks for your thoughts Kay.  

I have done quite a lot of volunteer work in the past 30 years. First was a Hospital Auxiliary, where I volunteered for 6 years - looking after the baby car seat rental and cleaning program, baby photos, scheduling for the admitting hostess and being a 'victim or patient' for fire drills.  Once my son started school I started to volunteer in the classroom and then with the library and the Scholastic Book Club orders for the school.  I also did library volunteer for about six months at seniors' facility.  My 84+ year old Dad moved in with us and so I took a short break to get him settled.  Somewhere in there my son became ill and I ended up homeschooling him for 5 years.  In that time I was still involved with the Scholastic Book Club at his previous school and then began to volunteer with Scouts Canada.  I was busy with Scouts for 8 years.  At that time my Dad had moved into residential care and was failing.  I got my first horse about it hat time and started to do something for myself.  Lol, that turned into relocating horse poop, grooming horses and getting very dirty about 6 - 8 hours everyday!  I boarded at a trail riding facility so there was always something needing doing, apparently I had an aversion to saying no.  When I turned 50 I overcame some of my need to please everyone but myself and said no thank you more often.

I think that what really hurts me now is that for so long I gave my time and effort to help organizations and people.  I thought I had become friends with many of them but I guess they were only acquaintances.  Maybe if I knew then that I would be treated like a stranger now I would have done my volunteer work and left it at that.  I always made time to listen to personal stories and did as much as I could to be a good friend.  There are no calls asking how I am or inviting me out.  Just lots of silence and time alone.  I guess I should be thankful that I'm not getting calls to help them again.  I'm not feeling sorry for myself I'm just describing the scene.  It is what it is, I can't change what others think, I can only be responsible for myself.

I detest being contagious or whatever it is that causes normally intelligent people to withdraw their friendship - since my husband died I have certainly been dropped from many social calendars.

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I've found whether you work with someone or volunteer with them, once you're gone from that place, they've usually moved on from you already.  That isn't everyone's experience, but it's been mine.  Those who have long term friendships are very fortunate.

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On July 26, 2016 at 1:59 PM, kayc said:

I've found whether you work with someone or volunteer with them, once you're gone from that place, they've usually moved on from you already.  That isn't everyone's experience, but it's been mine.  Those who have long term friendships are very fortunate.

I've noticed that as well. When I was young I was frequently devastated by this, because I would be thinking that this person and I were really friends, and then would realize that we had been work buddies and that was it. I have found the same thing to be true with musicians I have played with. The same people who couldn't have been friendlier and enthusiastic were nowhere to be found once the music situation ended or changed.

I've also noticed that single women seem to be omitted from social situations. There doesn't seem to be a problem with having a stray male here and there, but a single female seems to be an intolerable threat, and it seems like it is often the women who are behind the excluding behaviors. I have often wondered if they ever gave a thought to the possibility that if they lost their mate they might find themselves in the same situation of being excluded and isolated. When my dad moved out here I wondered if that would change things, and amazingly enough, it did! People saw us as a duo and I had a lot more invitations for the two of us than I ever did alone.

Marita, I feel for you. And even though I was not widowed - it was my dad that I lost - in a lot of ways, I might as well have been...

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