my cat died Mick

[DeanB]

Last year, my six month old kitty, Mick, crawled under the sofa when I lifted it to vacuum under it, and I didn't see him. I killed him when I put the sofa down, and he was there for forty five minutes before I realised. I tried everything, mouth to mouth, cpr, everything, I couldn't save him. A year on, I'm still having nightmares. I sat on that sofa whilst he was under it. I can't get past it. 

I've never killed anything before, and it's eating me up inside. 

 

What do I do ?

[kayc]

Dean,

I am so sorry, both for your loss and for what you're going through.  This was an accident and not to feel guilty about, yet that said, it does little to alleviate your feelings of guilt.  I've learned that our feelings are not a good barometer of anything, but more of something to contend with.  Sometimes they are accurate, but much of the time they are not.  I wish there was something I could say that could easy some of your pain.  Here are some links that Marty has given us:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

I like the idea of writing a letter to your pet.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html

This has brought me much comfort as I've lost so many pets over the years, I hope it does you too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcQvYh_3Atw

[MartyT]

I'm sorry too, Dean. Accidents like this can haunt us forever, unless and until we take deliberate steps to process the guilt that accompanies our grief. The article Kay suggested contains several tips for coping with guilt, and at its base you'll find links to several additional resources. You might find this helpful as well: Radio Interview on Pet Loss and Guilt

[DeanB]

Thanks both.

I'll look into the links you've posted. We've had a disasterous year with animals, Mick was the final straw, it's left me afraid to have anymore animals.

Dean

[Rothe]

Oh, Dean.... I understand completely. My happy desire to have a bird turned into a complete nightmare....

When I wasn't home, my boyfriend let my 10 month old cockatiel out of the cage. She was so feisty, and didn't like going back in, and as he tried to catch her, she flew into the wall between shelves and got caught... She died before I could get home.

4 1/2 years after that, my Java finch died suddenly of an illness, and I feel like I may have given her the medicine wrong, facilitating it... I blame myself because the circumstances give me nothing else, she just passed so suddenly. 

The 4 months later, just this last Friday, my new 3 month old Java sparrow got under my foot when I was turning around... I pulled back, lost my balance and fell, and he dived straight under me. He did not survive.

My point is.... I never realized how easy it is to have accidents like that. Losing 3 birds in tragic ways has now made me terrified to even think of trying to get another one. 

You aren't a bad person... You didn't hurt your friend willingly. There's only so much careful you can be.... And I'm sure you were. It's just such an awful thing that they don't understand what is dangerous because we protect them from most of it... Like my little guy, who just didn't understand that feet are not friends. It's even worse that your friend was so young, and I understand it completely.

It's heart shaking and gut wrenching... I don't even kill mosquitos when they're biting me, so I understand your horror at having caused a death. 

Please remember... You didn't kill your cat. You didn't "do it". It happened. I am trying to remember this as well. If you feel not getting another animal is the way to handle the situation, then you are right. It's time for another animal when you can forgive yourself and know that the next animal will willingly give you another chance, and never judge you. I hope you can find the love in yourself again.