Back Into The Fear-hole; Back To Square One

[shell]

Oh Maylissa, I so know how you feel. My two oldest babies are having kidney problems and such and I just can't even think about losing them. I'm afraid I'm playing "ostrich" and thinking, "They are going to be around for a long time!" I just have to try to believe this.

Give Nissa a kiss for me and give yourself a hug,

Shell

[Maylissa]

Shell,

Yah, I know what you mean ( and thanks for the kisses and hugs! ). It's a fine line between trying to be positive ( and I know how we both avoid that 'trap'! lol ) and just trying not to think too hard about problems! I remember when I tried another, stupid vet ( was trying to get a Chinese Medicine perspective - this guy advertized that way, yet didn't really practise it! ), he first gave Nissa only 1-2 years to live, right after we'd lost Sabin! When I checked with her other, holistic vet ( here), then hired our distance vet, they both thought he was totally out-to-lunch, as her kidneys were still more good than bad....but I went through a few months first before I knew this. I could've killed that guy, for adding such terrible stress and anticipatory grief to mine and Nissa's life! Now it's been 6 years, not 1 or 2, but his extreme diagnosis kind of set the pace. Thank God I did so much more for her, to keep her kidneys going longer, than the one stupid thing he recommended. If not for that, I don't know if she would have been here so long. But ironically, in the last year or so, I'd decided to quit fretting quite so much about every little ( and big ) thing about her, thinking, "THIS is no way to live, for her, for me, and especially if her time here is less than when we started." So......AS YOU ALREADY KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE.....ironically, THIS is when things started getting worse, w/o me even knowing it! YOU know what I mean!

We did, however, have a better test yesterday, with her BP now down to 176 ave. in-clinic, so it looks like we might be able to hold on this new dose of meds. But, we still have to go back next Fri. again, when her holistic vet is back, to get her checked more thoroughly again. Still have to try tackling those fluids, though. Her heart is okay enough so far to give it a go...I'm just hesitating cuz she's been through so much already lately. I really think I'll have to leave the house and let my husband do the dirty deed....if Nissa will let him, which I highly doubt. BTW, when she's stressed, the LAST thing she's interested in is food, so I don't think your trick will work with her. Gad, I even read about one cat who was SO laissez-faire about his fluids that he could be left alone with the tubes hooked up, and once he just wandered off after awhile, dragging his set-up behind him! (lol!) If ONLY....!

The downside is, with a bit more renewed energy, Nissa's back to being really restless at night ( reverting to her nocturnal roots, we suspect - unless this is a symptom of something ELSE that the docs are missing! see?...HAVE to worry! lol ), and she wakes me up probably 6 or more times/night, so Mom's health is getting very taxed, and I'm not terribly well to begin with. So tired....

Give your own, 2 pumpkins a huge smooch from me, too, and a great, big, loving squeeeeeeeeeze for yourself, from us!!

Edited April 1, 2006 by Maylissa

[shell]

Maylissa,

Yes, worry, worry, worry! It seems it makes our lives go better!? We're doomed..hahaha.

I, too, have been through some bad vets. I would like to kill them too. Luckily, the vet I have now (and have had for about ten years) is great and works WITH me and makes house calls. So, I can at least relax about getting the very best care possible for my babies. Of COURSE, I then worry, what if something happened and my vet wasn't there anymore? Jeez...we are something, aren't we?

I'm so glad to hear that your little girl seems to be doing better. I know how tired you are (I went two years on five, six if I was really lucky, hours of sleep a night. I mean EVERY night for two years.)

My babies did however help me through my grief. About six months after my dad died, I looked at them and realized how miserable they were because I was miserable. I don't have to tell YOU how they respond to your mood! And especially with my two older, sicker babies, I knew that I had to start acting happy for them. So, I "acted" happy and calm and upbeat around them and they did much better. And while I was "acting", it got easier to actually feel a little of that hapiness for real. I finally realized that making them miserable and possibly sicker was NOT going to bring back my dad.

Thanks for the smooches and the big sqeeeeeze! I needed that!

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs to you both,

Shell

[spela]

Maylissa, how are you doing? I mean you two.

[Maylissa]

Spela,

Thanks for asking, but no, we're not doing well at all. Crisis after crisis, with Nissa's eyes ( most likely related to her BP ), and in fact, we're off to the opthamologist, again, this morning. She's more comfortable right now, after another week of horrid events, but I don't know that that will last, especially after she gets poked and prodded for the dozenth time this week. It's been bad, so I haven't been able or wanting to post of late. My husband and I have spent the entire long wknd. tending to our gal, BOTH worrying our heads off. All the other grief stuff ( re: my Mom and bro ) has all but disappeared in the face of this, paling in comparison, as I try to 'prepare' myself for another of life's insults to Life. I even started Marty's Animal Grief e-course, just so I don't miss anything I might not already know....just in case.

[pennylayne]

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I have been there many times-I have had many cats-all different-but a few that were my real loves. It broke my heart when I had to put Romeo down last year. I still think of him alot. It was just torture at the very end-he could not stand up. This makes me so sad. I guess it just happens to most of us that we love and loose our little fur babies. My prayers are with you.