Gettingthrough79 Posted September 16, 2016 Report Share Posted September 16, 2016 My laptop isnt charging and spoke to my ex and he informed me of some fun activities he's doing this weekend and next. We were supposed to be doing these things together. Now, my mother is dead, we're broken up and I'm feeling lonely as ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2016 At least found my charger..was using the wrong one. Feels like I'm going nuts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl J Posted September 17, 2016 Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 2 hours ago, Gettingthrough79 said: At least found my charger..was using the wrong one. Feels like I'm going nuts. I'm having a rough day too. Let's have one together. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl J Posted September 17, 2016 Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 I will!!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 17, 2016 Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 2 hours ago, Gettingthrough79 said: My laptop isnt charging and spoke to my ex and he informed me of some fun activities he's doing this weekend and next. We were supposed to be doing these things together. Now, my mother is dead, we're broken up and I'm feeling lonely as ever. (((hugs))) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 Thankyou for the replies. I woke up feeling sick about this. We argued last night and he said I am hateful, nasty, bla bla. I said I am still mourning the loss of my mother. Is it too much to even be a friend and offer me to come to the show with you? I always told him how much I wanted to go to a truck show. It's like he's torturing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 I hate to point fingers but I cannot believe what a piece of trash this guy is. I feel so vulnerable and he is taking advantage of it. I have to stop it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 17, 2016 Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 He's a piece of trash but you're mourning him? He showed his true colors, be glad you lost him! I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, of course it does...for a time. But later you'll be glad you found out before you made it permanent. You need, you DESERVE someone who will be there for you through thick and thin, not someone who ditches you when you're going through the worst time in your life. I'm sorry, I really am! Been there... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 Thank you so much for this reply. I feel truly horrible today. It took me until almost 2 pm to get out of bed. I finally told him to take off but he already did anyway. I am laying on the couch just staring at the wall, nothing has helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 17, 2016 Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 My suggestion is no contact if you haven't already done so...am not sure how far reaching "take off" is. I hope you will get out, reach out to a friend, go do something just for YOU. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 I can't even get off the couch but I told him off a million times today. It doesn't make me feel much better and he won't reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 17, 2016 Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 Maybe it's been cathartic for you though. Now I think it needs to go no contact, for YOUR peace of mind. Seriously. Light a nice scented candle (they affect our mood) and some soothing music, eat some chocolate if you have it. Do something to pamper yourself (pedicure?), call a girlfriend. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 I feel like I just can't move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 18, 2016 Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 Grief takes a lot out of you, perhaps right now all you need to do is rest and just be. (((hugs))) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seachelle Posted September 18, 2016 Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 Drop him like a hot potato. He showed you his capacity to help you through difficult times when he broke up with you when your mom died, and when he continued to communicate about fun things with no intention of inviting you along. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that, and I can't fathom why he's worth your time as a friend. I agree, this person isn't going to give you any help, he's going to add to your problems. No contact is the way to go. We're here for you if you need to vent. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 18, 2016 Report Share Posted September 18, 2016 Mind you, I'm not judging you for grieving him...I have been there. I married someone who was a con that cheated on me, stole from me, and when his lips were moving, he was lying. The abuse was astronomical! When I filed for divorce, people couldn't understand why I'd shed a tear for him. Yes, I knew he didn't deserve a second thought. Yes I knew he wasn't worth it. But the fact of the matter is, we still grieve, if not the person themselves, the loss of who we thought they were, the loss of dreams we'd had. It is a process and it does take time to get through it. BUT there's a starting point (break up) and from that point on, we are progressing through it and it does get better as we begin to heal. We are here for you. You have a lot going on, not only the XBF, but loss of parent, loss of cat, loss of car...add those things together, no wonder you don't feel like moving! Be really kind to yourself, patient and understanding. And when you are able, try to get some help for yourself so you can have a solid plan to get your life back on track. Once you have that plan, and have begun implementing it, even though you're nowhere near goal yet, I think you will start to feel better because you'll know as long as you stay the course, you're going to be okay. Hang in there! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seachelle Posted September 19, 2016 Report Share Posted September 19, 2016 I have def. been there as well! That's why it's so hard to hear about others going through the same things. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2016 Thank you all for the kind replies. I made it to church last night by the grace of my doctor who picked me up and drove me. She has told me to drop him as well. I just can't wrap my mind around someone so cold at this time. The loss of the cat, the car, {which I worked so hard to get}, having to move from the house, my mother and the person I THOUGHT HE WAS is mind boggling and heartbreaking to the worst extent in the world. Kayc you stated everything perfectly and seachelle you are completely right about letting him go. I need to find the strength from somewhere to do it and do it for good. I feel too alone and vulnerable right now and my whole routine and world collapsed. On top of that, I'm hearing of all these bombings. What has the world come to? I am truly frightened. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted September 19, 2016 Report Share Posted September 19, 2016 I have been in a similar situation with my sisters, who also lost their father, but don't seem to really care about his death or about me - I took care of him in his last ten years of Parkinson's, and am now taking care of his estate. My two sisters are primarily concerned with his money - while he was alive they only contacted him as related to getting hold of his money, and now they have pretty much stopped speaking to me. It was really hard for me to accept that more contact would only lead to more pain for me. I feel like I have lost my entire family as well as my previous best friends - dad and older sister. In truth, I have. At least for now. I am hurt and very angry with my sisters' treatment of me; it has been excruciatingly painful. It is tortuous to have people with whom you have had a long term relationship of any kind be cruel to you and cut you out. When there is obviously no hope for any change, it seems like No Contact is the best path, but that is tortuous as well and it is really hard to pull off when you still have hopes - however irrational - that you could get back what you had. Or even a piece of it. Sometimes people change, but for the most part they keep doing what they have been doing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 19, 2016 Report Share Posted September 19, 2016 I didn't know there were bombings in SI right now, I'll have to check the news... You have a very caring doctor to come get you like that. They're hard to find! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2016 2 minutes ago, kayc said: I didn't know there were bombings in SI right now, I'll have to check the news... You have a very caring doctor to come get you like that. They're hard to find! She is a God send, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2016 3 minutes ago, kayc said: I didn't know there were bombings in SI right now, I'll have to check the news... You have a very caring doctor to come get you like that. They're hard to find! Bombings in NJ AND NY... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 20, 2016 Report Share Posted September 20, 2016 Minnesota too. The news wasn't broadcast until 11:00 night before last so I recorded it, didn't go listen to it until after you posted here. It's just senseless, I don't understand. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gettingthrough79 Posted September 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2016 Most of my family just judges. Theyre really just distant relatives. My whole immediate family died. "go to rehab, get over it, God loves you," My cousin just told me to put my dog in a kennel and check into the hospital. Been there, done that. Just sit in a room and have people listen and say talk it out. I would never leave or abandon my dog. I feel terrible I haven't taken him for walks and can't take him for his favorite rides in the car because I got into an accident. I feel like I lost my life and most people DO NOT UNDERSTAND. They blame my feelings on on everything except my losses. I am just so sick and tired of it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 20, 2016 Report Share Posted September 20, 2016 35 minutes ago, Gettingthrough79 said: I would never leave or abandon my dog . . . I feel terrible I haven't taken him for walks It sounds as if your dog is the most important "person" in your life right now. I wonder what would happen, dear one, if just for today, you take your dog for a walk ~ even if it's a short walk? As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. For you this might be an important first step. Might you consider doing that? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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