David UK 2

Hi DaughterOfAnAmazingMom, I am so very, so very, sorry for your loss. Many of the things you say about your mom are the very same thoughts that go through my head about my own Mum who I lost on January 13th of this year. As you say, I doubt if we will ever feel exactly the same ever again, it’s just about slowly, painfully coming to terms with our new reality. You got it right, it really is a weird roller coaster where we are reasonably OK on one day only to be totally distraught the next day.

Thank you both for your replies, and I agree with what you say kayc, the suffering does seem to transfer to us after they are gone. I keep running the final weeks of her life through my head trying to convince myself that I did all I could to make her comfortable. All I can tell myself in the end is that I did the best I could. I am a regular churchgoer so that my faith does bring some solace. Some days are easier, but the thing about grieving is that it can visit you suddenly and leave you totally drained. I wish I could be more articulate sometimes!

Hello To all, On Wednesday it will be eleven weeks since my dear, dear Mum passed away. Since that day I have been trying to become used to my new “normal”. Every morning when I open my eyes the first thought that hits me is that Mum is no longer here. For the last sixteen years of her life I took care of her (she was eighty-nine years old when she passed). She was a Type One diabetic and as she advanced into her eighties she would become confused about such things as insulin amounts and blood glucose checks. The last year or so of her life was pretty hard, she was in hospital a lot but thankfully I was able to keep her at home for the final weeks of her life, only calling for an ambulance in the early hours of the 13th January. She passed peacefully at about 9.00 am in the morning. I have been visiting this forum as a guest for a few weeks now and it is only here that I find I am not the only one having that the feelings which I have had since being bereaved. The overwhelming anguish, the grief, the guilt, the anger with people who were visiting the house to care for her. All of these emotions and others can crowd in unexpectedly and leave me totally drained. Sometimes I feel as though I am losing my sanity, I have never felt such intense sadness before. It will be Spring soon, then Summer but all I feel like doing is hibernating until next Winter. The lighter days depress me so. I guess that a lot of this is familiar to you all and I apologize for stirring any pain in anyone reading this but I have no-one to talk to as I am now alone. Thank you, David UK 2