I don't really know where to begin. It's still so fresh and i am still hurting so very much. Not a day goes by where i don't think of my baby girl and what happened.
14.4.2017 at 35 +1 weeks pregnant. I had some stomach cramps. An odd feeling. This is my second pregnancy and it didn't feel like contractions. I told my husband we needed to go to the hospital just to get checked out. They hooked me up to the machine to monitor baby heart beat and my heart beat and contractions. They got her heart beat but there were no contractions. I was still getting these cramps and they were getting worse.
Her heart beat got faint. In the matter of seconds the room was filled with doctors and Midwives, stripping me for surgery. Then all of a sudden those words no parent ever wants to hear - I'm so sorry, you've lost you baby. After we spoke with the doctor. We went home. Ready to go in the next day to give birth.
By the time we got home told family, all of a sudden i was loosing lots of blood.
Long story short. I was rushed back to the hospital while continuing to loose drastic amounts of blood. I was prepped for emergency cesarean. During surgery i had 10 Plasma transfusions and total of 4 blood transfusion on my stay at yhe hospital. I had something called Couvelaire Uterus.
I am still recovering physically from the surgery. However i feel that i my mental recovery will be some time.
I blame myself everyday. I should have protected my baby girl and i failed. I feel lost. I just needed to talk to someone now.
Aleisha Jean Hill born sleeping on the 14th April 2017 ♡
