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Hello, Im kerry and I am new to this site. I seeked out this site as from tomorrow marks 13 weeks since my granddad passed away and I am feeling like the odd one out in my family as I am having such a hard time. I go to his grave almost everyday to feel close to him and I sit and cry. He passed from pulmonary fibrosis (we had no idea of the reduced lifespan with this we weren't informed).He had a terrible time suffering in the last 48 hours of his death and I was there by his side at the hospital witnessing him crying and pleading with the family to take him home. I have many regrets as to why I didn't take him home (I thought hospital was the best place) and everytime he tried to get up and go I put his legs back into the bed I was still clinging on to hope that he could recover in hospital and they could make him comfortable and now I think I should of insisted he die at home as that's what he wanted I find this hard to accept. I think if he had died in his sleep I would of had more comfort he didn't suffer like I saw he did. I have struggled and got ill the last few months and I do accept he is not coming back but I really cannot accept the sweetest man I know had to suffer to the end so horribly that he would cry and begged to die. I cannot stop crying when I think about them horrible last hours and I am just very low.