IMBlessed

Is there such a thing as moving on too soon or will it be detrimental in my future? I'm not grieving all the time, like everyone else I believe due to my faith. I feel crying won't bring him back. I am trying to keep positive, getting out, visiting, keeping busy, reading spiritual books, reading my bible, exercising, eating healthy, going to movies, dining out with friends, etc. When negativity enters my mind, I just begin to pray and it goes away. I already gave all his clothes away and a lot of his personal belongings. I was going to give my diamond ring to my sister...since it is an heirloom from my side of the family. I plan to fly out to visit her next week and would like to give it to her in person...but do not want people to talk. He died in Feb. I loved him so very much for 34 years..this just seems strange that I should feel this way.

Dear IM Blessed ~ I think what SusieQ said is wise: "It's important to stay positive but just be prepared for the possibility of a change in the way you are feeling. Most people on this site talk about the ups and downs of grief."

None of us can know with any certainty exactly why you are reacting to this death of your husband the way that you are, since everyone's loss is unique to the individual who is experiencing it, and predicting the nature and course of any one person's grief journey is at best only an estimate of what to expect.

We can only share with you what we've learned about grief in general, and what we've come to know about our own individual loss experiences in particular.

There are several predictable patterns in the way that human beings normally show their grief over time ~ but we must be very careful to learn and respect the individual differences of grieving people that stem from personal styles of coping as well as from the person's age, gender, personality, family, culture, value system, spiritual beliefs, past experience with loss and available support. This is your unique grief journey, and this personal grief story is yours alone to write.

Since your loss is so recent (barely one month ago) it is entirely possible that, if you're like most people, it's not so much that you're "in the denial stage" as that you're still in that initial state of shock and numbness that ordinarily accompanies significant loss ~ it is nature's way of cushioning the blow. As SusieQ suggests, you are wise to be prepared for the possibility of a change in the way you are feeling. One thing we know for sure: grief changes over time, just as we change in the ways in which we react to it.

I am of the belief that the best way to be prepared for those changes is to learn as much as you can about the normal grief process, so you'll have some idea of what you can normally expect in the weeks and months ahead, along with learning what you can do to manage your own reactions. Reading the posts in these forums and interacting with the members of our GH family is one of the best ways to begin . . .

You may find this video featuring noted palliative care physician and author Dr. Ira Byock of interest: In the Face of Terminal Illness: Spiritual Strength or Weakness?

I just read a study that stated "Deborah Carr, Rutgers University sociologist, who began the study while she was at the University of Michigan, said: "Forty-six per cent of the widows and widowers in this study reported they had satisfying marriages.

"They believed life is fair and they accepted that death is part of life."

She added that many surviving spouses took great comfort in their memories.

"Taken together, these findings provide strong evidence that men and women who show this resilient pattern of grief are not emotionally distant or in denial, but are in fact well-adjusted individuals responding to the loss in a healthy way," Ms Carr said.

Shalom

It is often normal to feel cold after a sleepless night or several nights of poor sleep.

shalom

Hi all,

If this is denial, and I am content with it, I do not want anything to change. I realize things may change. However if there is no harm, I will definitely pray to keep these feelings. What harm would there be if your stuck in denial? (I have studied the grieving process in college years ago, but do not know the answer.)

Shalom

Here is my next big question: Someone told me this could be a form of denial. Could using my religion deepen my denial and if so do I have to grieve? What harm is there if I do not ever leave the denial stage???

Shalom

To all,

I guess I needed confirmation that it was from God...I still can't believe it's happening to me. Why me and not others?

However, someone sent me some insight in yesterday's mail. I did not know this person, and they do not know I am asking these questions on this forum. And they gave me all the answers I was looking for...in the Bible.

I hope that what I write here will help just one person than all my time and effort will be well worth it. I had to look up all of these verses. And in short this is what I received:

Jesus is the "Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6). You can end your own separation from God by yielding your life to the Prince of Peace. Only then can you have perfect contentment in the midst of a crisis in this world (John 14:27)

Philippians 4:6-13 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. And this peace will control the way you think, act and feel.

Isaiah 32:17 The fruit of righteousness will be peace, quietness and confidence forever. Discovering His peace...the Bible instructs us to fix "our eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete" (Heb. 12:2). As we change our focus -- off of our problems and onto the Lord -- His peace will fill our lives. The peace of God does not come from our circumstances, but from drawing close to Him.

Jesus promised, Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4). God beckons us into His loving arms so He can heal our wounded hearts.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. God's Word on Peace..."Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. (Phil. 4:6,7). The Bible states, "Whatever happens, keep thanking God because of Jesus Christ. This is what God wants you to do" (1 Thes. 5:18). Begin to thank God right now and soon you will experience His peace in the midst of the storm.

No matter how deep your pain, God can help you find comfort and hope. As our Good Shepherd, He leads us safely through the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4b). Remember, a shadow indicates that there is a light on the other side!

Psalm 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. The Holy Spirit also called the Comforter (John 14:26) can give us Gods peace, even in the midst of suffering. Some Psalms that can bring hope, strength and peace: Psalms 16, 23, 34, 91 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 Those Who Died in Christ...But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord.

Therefore comfort one another with these words.

Shalom

To all those who replied, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, CONCERN AND SHARING,

I would hope all of you could get this peace and contentment that I am feeling. Since my husband just died a few weeks ago, unexpectedly and fairly young, I wouldn't think it would be like this. We were together for 34 years and had a great relationship.

It's quite difficult to explain. I am feeling so grateful for my wonderful family and friends. I want to help everyone, I feel so giving...and I feel so blessed as to be a blessing to others. Giving brings such a feeling of comfort and sense of serenity.

I just pray I don't lose this feeling...

Shalom

Hi,

I am a new widow and have a question. I feel full of contentment, maybe from all the prayers I've been receiving. I was wondering if there was anything to read about this...it's not stated or talked about in the normal grieving process. Has anyone had this experience?... or know of something I can read regarding this would be greatly appreciated.

Shalom