TerryY

I am so glad you were able to find some peace, maybe there is hope of peace someday. I put off looking through some bags from the hospital, no peace there, he used wheelchair gloves, and guess what was in the first bag, I grabbed them and held tight, you very seldom seen him without them being on. I found a beautiful frame the other day, now putting his picture in it with his wedding ring showing gives me comfort. We have to get comfort where ever we can. Sometimes it comes in strange places. All we can do is pray. Thank the good Lord for the time we had together.

Terry

My husband made the journey on Feb. 17, 2010. This has been the hardest 2 months of my life, I still want to go to, bus someone ask me could my kis take it losing both parents, that is one of the only things keeping me going. It seems like everyday something else goes wrong. My car broke during the 3 weeks we were in the hospital, my refrigerator broke, there was a chemical explosion 100 yards from my front door, the week before Easter, had to evacuate without clothes, medicine, or anything else. Oh yes, that same week I learned we had no life insurance. Then today, my boss brings me to the side, telling me I know it been a rough couple of months, but you must get back to normal. This is a woman that has a husband, 2 kids, both parents, and she wants me to get back to normal. I'll never be normal again.

I have had special signs for Wayne. The first time I had to mow grass, I finally get the lock off, I get on the mower it want start, of course here comes the tears, I just looked to heaven, I told Wayne talk to God, I need help. I tried to start it, it started. Last weekend, it just popped into my head, where is the bank card. I looked through my purse, looked all in the house, no. Went out to look in my car,(I got it fixed, hopefully last week)couldn't find it, I looked up Wayne HELP, I looked on the floor under the drivers seat there it was. Then today, my daughter was looking up something on the internet for me, after about a hour, she looked up said daddy, help me I can't find it, she looked on page 10 his birthday, there it was.

So, with the help of Wayne, God, my 2 children, and my doctor, I guess I'll have to stay around a little longer. By the way, my doctor saw me Tuesday, and upped my medicine, for depression, I think I might be feeling a little better.

Let's all hand in there together, we will make it.

We had been married for 35 years, he had been ill for 24years, with bile duct cancer, only 8 months. This type is one of the deadliest forms of cancer.

Good luck!!!!

Not long ago I was talking to my daughter. I told her I had a weird feeling, my sister-in-law found out in Nov. that she had cancer, my husband found out in June. After she found out he had cancer she never called, she lives out of state, even after she found out she had cancer she never called. One of my husbands other sisters always has to tell me how the other one is doing. It might be wrong but I don't care, why should she get picked to get better and he wasn't. I just can't make myself care. She is the one that did drugs, even smoked the funny cigarettes well into her fifties, she might still be doing it. She gave up the legal kind, but would not give up the funny kind. Where as my husband never took drugs, didn't smoke, or drink, he got bile duct cancer, very rare 2 cases out of 100,000, where's the justice. I'm like you why them and not our husbands.

Saturday was two months, since Wayne went to be with God. It still hurts like crazy. When you said you how you thought about your dad, and husband. Yesterday I decided to mow grass, there is a lock on the mower, I couldn't get it open. WD-40, then I asked myself what would Wayne do, so I got a pair of pliers and twisted it and it open. It was just one of hundreds that he played with. Then I got on the mower, it wouldn't start. I just started crying more,I tried a couple more times, more tears, then I looked up and asked him to talk to God, that I needed help. The next time I tried it started. It seems like anytime I'm by myself, all I do is cry.

Closs, I am so sorry for your loss. I loss my husband 2 months ago today, and it still hurts so bad I think I'm going to burst. We had been married 35 years. Unlike your husband we had fought off many illnesses before, but the BIG C has got to be the worse. So many times your dead before you know your sick, it happens so fast. I too, thought I had insurance until two weeks ago, now I'm getting bills from the funeral home. My income was cut 75%, I only have 75 dollars to live on for the month. That is suppose to cover food, doctors, and prescriptions (I have nine). I work everyday. I too am waiting for the pain to get better. I told someone I know single people, married people, and divorced people, but no one that has had their heart split open.

If it wasn't for my children, I think I would end it now, but they've already lost one parent, it would be selfish of me if they had to go through it again.

Terry

Never say it can't get worse, because it can. I know I've told this story before, Wayne and I were married for 35 years. Twenty-four years ago he was diagnoised with Sarcoidosis, 21 years ago lost his right leg above knee to a injury. He kept it for two and one half years, before amputation. He got every complication known to mankind and evented a few of his own. In 1999 he had a aortic valve replacement. Then last summer diagnoised with bile duct cancer (rare again). Feb. 17, 2010 God called him home.

I have been dealing with all the pain of losing my best friend. Then today I get a call from my insurance people at work, they tell me I have no life insurance on him.

I have been in shock and depressed all day. I am already on a depression medication, high blood pressure, and eight other prescriptions. NOW THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! This last blow is more than I can take, I thought I didn't care anymore, now I know I don't care. My income dropped 75% when he died. I have about 25 dollars to eat, go to the doctor, and get medicine. How am I suppose to pay for this 15,000 bill. All I want to do is go hide where no one can find me, and where no one knows me.

I feel he did the easy thing, the hard thing is to try to live.

Terry

Hi, I'm Terry, from Louisiana. This club that no one wants to be in, gets bigger everyday. My husband also, had a AVR in May, 1999. Ten years of coumadin and lovenox shots, takes its tole on a person. Then the big C hits and sometimes it's more than a body can bare. It has been six weeks for me. I went to social security today, to sign up for my 255 dollars, when the funeral cost 12,500. We had been married 35 years, he had been ill off and on, mostly on, for the last 30 years. I know I would do it all again. One thing I know now is that he is no longer in that horrible pain.

My husband had bile duct cancer, which is abou 2 out of every 100,000 cases of cancer. I should have known that he would get something that is so rare.

A friend of mine took me out to eat last week. I have a shirt that says "My husband was so brave, that God made him a angel". The lady who showed us to our table, read it and gave me a big hug, and put something in my hand. It was a coin with Jesus on one side and The Last Supper on the other. Simple things of kindness, is what we need more of.

As long as I keep busy, I usually do OK, not great, but OK. It is the afternoons after work and weekends that get to me. I spent the day today with my daughter, thank God for her.

I'm like you I wish I could wake-up from this nightmare, and he would roll through the house with his yellow wheelchair. I can't hardly look at it without crying.

I'll pray for you, and you pray for me, maybe we'll make it together.

Happy Easter,

I hope your in-laws come around. They are the ones missing out, if you have small children they are hurting them also. I know my grown children would tell me, get over it and leave them alone.

My husband did not want most of his family to know of his illness. Only two of his sisters knew he had cancer, no one else. One sister called nearly every day, but the other sister never called, not even three weeks in the hospital, two days a hospice, and in the six weeks since. His aunts, uncles, and cousins were mad at me because I didn't tell them. I called one person after he died. At the funeral two aunts passed out, saying if they had ever known. My husband had been home due to a injury for the last 21 years, we have lived in the same place for 19 years. I work during the day, so if they didn't like me they could have came over while I wasn't here. One excuse I heard was we just didn't know where he lived. That's why he didn't want anybody to know. They know now but it wouldn't make any difference.

One thing I have that they will never have, his love, and our memories. Their memories are empty, I hope they're happy.

Terry

Lainey,

I am only a six week member of this club, called life after our husbands. Today I received abook in the mail,sentby our community, called Come unto Me. It is engraved with his name on front. It's a beautiful book, it tells you the different stages of grief, and grieving in faith. It is a wonderful collection of faith and love.

As of yet I have not done anything to Wayne's things. His magnifing glass is where he left it, well everything is still where he had put it before going to the ER that morning.

Do you work? If not maybe volunteer at a nearby hospital or nursing home. My mom has been in a nursing home for nearly three years, they love for someone to come by and say hi. I missed so many of days while he was in the hospital that I only have a few left. My daughter comesover a lot. My vehicle broke down when he was in the hospital, and I haven't been able to get it fixed yet.

On Tuesday we had a explosion a block away, everyone had to evacuate, last night was my first night back. It seems like there is one thing after another.

How is your memory? Mine is gone, don't remember things people tell me, and I don't remember most people's name.

My mind jumps from one thing to another, I cannot concentrate. You probably can tell from this note.

Terry

I'm a six week member of 2 becomes 1. I don't like this club that chose us to be members. Many people don't understand, you don't only lose the one you love, you lose most of your income. My income dropped 75%. I, also have his wheelchairs, he had three. I have not moved his tray, he had by the tv in the bedroom. His ketch up and magnifing glass are still sitting where he left it. I even had a friend told me, she knew how I felt because she has been divorced.

You will find kindness in unexpected places. A friend took me out to lunch yesterday, I had my shirt which says "My husband was so brave, God made him a Angel". At first the server could only read My husband, she ask can I read your shirt? When I stood so she could read the rest of the shirt. She reached over and gave me a hug. Then she took something out of her pocket and put it in my hand. She said she received this after her mother died, and she wanted me to have it. I looked in my hand it was a coin in a plastic case. The coin had a carving of Jesus on one side, and the other side it had a picture engraved of the last supper. As we were leaving I stopped and gave her a big hug. This was from a stranger, so you can get comfort in many ways. I believe God and his angels works in mysterious ways, in order to comfort us. I try to stay busy, but it is hard.

How is your memory? I can't remember words, names of people, and even things I said. God will comfort us all. They say it's normal to have these feelings, at least I remember everything that happened to my husband. (I think anyway)

Suzanne,

I am sorry if your loss. I heard somewhere if you lose something(him), someday you will have to find it (him), and one day we will, we will all be joined with our loved ones again in heaven.

It has been a six week roller coaster ride for me. I've been on something for depression for years, being care giver for my husband and my mother. Last month I called my doctor to get something for sleep. Tuesday, and Wednesday I had to go without it because we were under a mandatory evacuation, I did not sleep. It seems like my mine is running at full blast, jumping from one thing to the next. I can't consentrate on something for no longer than a couple of minutes.

I feel comfort seeing his pictures, and I know he is not suffering anymore. My husband had been at home for 21 years, he was hurt at work. Every time I got home from work he was always here. His wheelchair was canary yellow, our daughter picked the color. We have two but the one that he always used brings me to tears. Knowing he spent months and years in that chair, but never again. I might give the other one away, but not HIS chair.

I still can't stay on task very long, but one day I will be awarded when I get to hold me BABY again. We will all have a big party, sitting on the streets of heaven.

TerryY

Angie,

I am so glad to here from you. Sounds like we have a lot in common. Wayne lived for eight months, after learning he had cancer.

My life was never normal, so I don't it ever can be normal again. It seems that every few days something else happens. Like this week, I was off work for Easter break, Monday I go for a doctor's appt. I went to our primary doctor, my daughter and I was sitting there, she look at me, then she asked how my husband was doing. My daughter said I just gazed at her, then my daughter told her. The hospital or hospice was suppose to call her but they didn't. I had called, and e-mailed her, she never received them.

Tuesday I decided to take some things that I don't use, and put them in the outside shed. The ground shook, I fell back onto my shoulder. I called my daughter to tell her she might need to come over to take me to the ER. While I was talking to her, my

dog started howling, at a fire truck, a couple minutes later he howled again, and again. I was in the bedroom on the computer, I heard some loud noises coming from outside, then the house shook. A chemical warehouse a block away blew up. The police evacuated a mile radius, I just got back today. No clothes, or medicine, I walked about a half mile then my sister-in-law picked me up.

Last night I lost my daughter's keys, thank God I found them. This how my weeks have been going one drama after another.

By the way, I had my shoulder checked out it was OK. Then the doctor said did you know you disc 5, 6, 7 are degenerating, and your spine has scholosis (??spelling). I just looked at him, and said what next.

I don't have a lot of time to think, though.

I pray for you, and you pray for me, and we will leave us in God's hands.

TerryY

I am so sorry for your loss. It has been 5 and 1/2 weeks since my husband went to Jesus. He wenet through 21 years of disabilities. Having throat sugery didn't kill him, losing his right leg above the knee didn't, open heart surgery couldn't kill him, but cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer) did. It has a 2 out of 100,000 ratio rate, and a 2% survival rate. I went to our family doctor today, she asked me how he was doing, she never got my messages, and hospice never called her. Thank God I had my daughter with me. lWe had in patient hospice for one day, he had been in the hospital for 3 weeks.

I am so sorry about the church not letting you stay in town near your husband. I know sometimes our hospitals have a extra room that they will let relatives stay if they have a long way to travel. I spent every night at the hospital, and the night at hospice.

I would give anything to have him back but I don't want him to hurt like he did anymore. I go visit the cemetery as often as I can, my car broke down while he was in the hospital and I don't have the money to get it repaired. My income dropped 75%. Everything now is a luxsury, even food, medicine and even garbage collection. I had to cancel collection, I asked if there were any programs for people like me, she said yes we will be glad to pick up the garbage can. Thank God I do have a job, even though I have to get someone to come by and pick me up.

Try going to www.wandascountryhome.com, it is very comforting.

TerryY

At the age of 61, my husband passed away on January 22, 2010 from complications of esophageal cancer. I say that because the first 28 radiation treatments he got in 2008 got rid of the esophageal cancer but he had a reoccurance on the area betweeen his shoulder and neck in March of 09 at which time a Nurse Practioner I believe misdiagnosed him by saying it was a muscle spasm so we tried topical creams, heating pads and a chiropractor. The cancer pressed on his brachial plexus which is a group of nerves in which he was in excruciating pain down his shoulder, his entire arm, his elbow and right hand and it felt burning and tingling and numb which was inoperable and got progressively worse with time and he ended up just not being able to use his arm or hand at all and he moved it around with his other hand and all Dan's Primary Doc could do was give him pain medicine which didn't always work. The 11 treatments he got for this reoccurance which ended on August 6, 09 didn't get it but we didn't find that out until December 18th, 09 when the radiation doctor at Dan's follow-up said the cancer went into his lymph nodes. He said there was nothing else he could do and he didn't know where the cancer would go from there or how long it would take and neither did we because Dan was in too much pain to last the 35 minutes in the cat scan as he had to get out of the scan machine after only 30 seconds. I think the cancer spread to inside his head and his neck because he could only lean his head at an angle and whenever we had to move him to get him comfortable it was the most awful sights as he thrashed around and the guttoral sounds that came out of his mouth were worse than any horror movie I ever seen. He continually lost a considerable amount of weight in the last 2 years and muscle mass as well because he was about 100 lbs maybe less because he couldn't get up to stand on a scale any more. Things happened kind of rapidly as I remember he leaned on me as I walked him into the bathroom and helped him, his knees buckled under him when he was in the kitchen one Saturday and he couldn't go to his appointments any more, he started to have to use the commode but soon after had to stay in the hospital bed. Once I was afraid he'd hit his head on the other rail but I caught him in time. At about 1:00 a.m. on January 22 at least the last few hours of his life I think he didn't feel much pain because he just breathed evenly and steadily because he was in that breathing transition until he passed away. His eyes didn't even close, which was really eirie and that's the way the coroner took him and they must've closed his eyes at the funeral hom. Before they came for him his mouth stayed open for about 4 hours when those of us who stayed there with him noticed it closed. That was it. All this pain and agony and going to the hospitals and doctors and cat scans and pet scans and the needle biopsy in his neck that Dan said was the worst pain he ever had in his life and the pharmacy trips and the insurance saying he can't get the medicine because it was too soon until Hospice came into the picture. I honestly believed that Hospice was suggested only for pain management. We were always hoping for a cure or a healing or a miracle. All the healing services we went to, the 9-hour surgery on December 21, 2007 for another doctor to remove a different kind of cancer from inside his mouth, (which was when this nightmare started, that's when they found out about his esophageal cancer when they took a biopsy while having oral surgery), the muscle graft, and skin grafts, and removing a 12 inch vein from his other arm to put inside his mouth all for facial reconstructive surgery, the daily trips I took to get to where he had the surgery 20 miles away, the late night trains from a city loaded with crime coming back on the train at night to where we lived where the city was loaded with crime because I asked a church if I could stay there near the hospital and because the priest said he didn't know me so he said 'no', all the praying that I requested from prayer lines, the prayers I asked from family members, the flap he had to endure from the 9-hour surgery which he had inside his mouth where the tiny growth of cancer once was where food got stuck at times, the fact that he couldn't laugh the bellowing laugh he once had, the choking and gurgling as he tried to get the tiny piece of food that was stuck whenever his esophagus started to close, the care he was supposed to be getting at a post-op rehab center in which they treated him terribly, the port he had put in his chest, the feeding tube that was put in his nose, the nasal feeding tube they removed, the feeding tube they put in his stomach, the same feeding tube that was too small and came out of his stomach causing him much pain, the port they took out because after his chemo they never used it for blood work the reason for it being placed, the feeding tube they took out because it became dislodged and he told them he was in pain and he didn't want it anymore because we had to put ensure into it and clean it, the visits from visiting nurses which we were so glad ended, all the follow-ups when while we were waiting for our transportation and when we had a light lunch and where we had hopefilled good talks that I miss, the dental work for root canals and crowns so he could eat properly, the gastroscopies (every 2 months) because he choked from dysphagia as a result of the radiation treatments to his esophagus, the follow-ups with his gastroenterologist, the scare of having a stent placed inside his esophagus which Dan refused, another diagnoses of a MALT tumor lymphoma in his stomach from a biopsy that we didn't even know they took during his last gastroscopy, the transportation arrangements, dealing with people that have no clue what pain is or what losing a husband is like, the waiting for the gastroscopy (stretching of the esophagus) in the lobby hoping he didn't die while under anasthesia, the keeping track of all his appointments on my yahoo calendar that I thought would be interesting to look at when Danny was well enough. It all stopped. If he were still alive I'd go through it again and again and I would continue to feed him and take care of him and pray for him and pray with him. I don't want to accept that he's gone or accept that there is no hope for him to get better, that we could go on with our lives and watch our 2 month old granddaughter (Dan saw her for the first and last time the night before he died, Abigail was 7 days old) and her older brother grow up or our other grandchildren date and laugh and marry and get older. Life just stopped. The only reason that I get up in the morning is knowing that he is not in excruciating agony and his 2 sons and Dan's sisters can't see how he looked on his deathbed any more. I will spare you those details. Now, I'm trying my hardest not to remember how he was in the summer of 2008, when his sister took us to the beach and took pictures of us as it really is too much to bear that we lost that hope of him getting better. I don't know about anyone else but thinking of when we used to talk to my parents and his parents when they were all alive and when Dan's sisters came over to visit with all their hopes of him getting better were dashed when the worst thing in our world happened. I can't look at pictures of him when he was well because it is just too unbearable but only a few realize how I feel. Oh, well, I will get along in life, I actually made the plans for the wake and funeral and the church service and the burial and the family get-together on the days after Danny passed away and I thank the Lord that He got me through it. I am living and going to my appointments, doing my errands, and mourning Danny and saying have a nice day to others and doing what I can to get myself through the day, saying my prayers sometimes weeping through them. God is carrying me and our families are here as well as support groups. I just thought I'd write this in case anyone would like to know our sad true story. I know each and every one of us is bearing great crosses and trying to get through each day without our loved one. We are all caring individuals who got a taste of real life and we each have our own story to tell and we are helping one another. Maybe that's what we are all supposed to be doing. I just wish there was a way we could've figured this out without going through all this pain. Maybe there's just no other way. This is the beginning of my story at the age of 56.

P.S. This kind of helped me so I really appreciate being able to say what I needed to say.

You were given 2 years. The week before my husband died they gave him six months, next 3 months, then days, and finally 30 minutes. I was there by his side holding his hand, when he died. All of the movies you see on TV show the patient just closing his eyes. It was the worse thing I've witnessed I don't want to ever witness that again.

I'm sure your like me I live in a house full of his things, his clothes, all of the things he had collected in 35 years. Yesterday When I got home from work I had to patch the fence. I could do it because I had helped him do things so many times. It isn't as pretty or perfect, and I know it would be up to his standards, but I tried. Him being disabled for 21 years, I learned to take his orders and me using the hammar.

I still can't turn on a show that he always watched.

You didn't say how long it had been, since yours went to heaven. My has been 5 weeks and 1 day.

We need to pray for each other, you can get in touch anytime.

TerryY

I just got home from work payday. My income dropped 75% when Wayne went to heaven. I checked my bills I have 22.00 to last until next 25th of the month. That is for food, doctor visit, and my 10 prescriptions, what now. I had to call to today to have my garbage can picked up, that bill was not included. It's only been five weeks and everything seems like it is closing in. My electric bill was 35.00 more than last month, that wasn't included either. Last month no one was home, we were in the hospital for a month. I don't know what to do, or where to turn. I'm all alone.

TerryY

My wonderful husband of 35 years has been in heaven 5 weeks. It has been the losgest 5 weeks of my life. I keep begging God to bring him back, but I guess that would be selfish. I just hurt so bad. I cry before I go to work, I cry at work, I come home, oh yes I cry and then I go to bed and cry somemore. It seems everything has broken down. He could not fix it himself but he could talk me through it. Now I just look at whatever it is and cry. Guess what I'm crying now. He was hurt 21 years ago at work, so he has been home since 1988. When I came home from work he was always there. In 1999 he had open heart surgery. Last summer I took him to ER for a backache they did a CT scan, wouldn't you know cancer. Not just anykind one of the worse, bile duct, about a 2% survival rate. Jan. 27th he started throwing up brown blood, I was helping him get dressed when I saw a bruise about 12 inch square on his side. Three days in ICU, then 20 days in the hospital. The doctor gave him 6 months, 2 days later 3 months, next a few days, and then 30 minutes. We were never told until the middle of Feb. that it was stage 4 when it was found. Feb. 17th at 4:27 p.m. my sweetheart left me and went to heaven.

I hurt so bad, I'm ready to join him, I can't because of my grown children. I feel so alone, I do not have a family support system. My daughter is the only one that calls. I found out that his sister has cancer, I know it's wrong but why is she getting better, and he died. It's not right. His distant family blames me for them not knowing, but we have lived in the same place for 19 years, and he was home all the time. No one called or stopped by to see him. Please pray for me, I do but sometime I wander if he is listening.

I am also a first time user, I,m not even sure if I'm doing this right. I loss my husband Feb. 17, 2010, the worse day of my life. They are not getting any better. I keep begging God to send him back, I don't want him to hurt anymore just come back to me. We have been married 35 years, I still can't speak in the past. He was injured at work 21 years ago, he lost his leg above the knee. Everything they did to save it cost him most of his sight, and a lot of his hearing. In 1999 day of our daughter's high school graduation, he was admitted for his heart, two days later he had open heart surgery. He had been sick off and on, prescriptions seemed by the dozens. Then one day last summer he woke up with such a back ache I took him to the ER. Ct scan later we have cancer. My husband has always been the one that gets something nobody else gets, all the 1 in a 100, he is always that one. This time it was bile duct cancer, that had mastasized to the liver, pancrease, gallbladder, and spleen. We never told until Feb. 10th that it was stage 4 last summer. He was given 6 months, two days later 3 months, 2 days later hospice, then 30 minutes.

It hurts so bad that I can't stand it. I get up and cry, go to work and cry, come home and cry, and of course I have to cry to go to bed. Wayne had been home for 21 years, the only time he got out was either with me, or with our daughter. I called my doctor, she sent me something for sleep, I'm going in to see her next week. I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't remember anything, I was looking at someone yesterday I've known for 3 years I could not think of her name, it happens alot. I know people who are married, divorced, and single, but no one in my position. There is no way they can even try to understand.