west

My feeling is it is his loss. You are a strong women who will get through this and he is a coward, a mama's boy and one day he will realize what he has lost. Keep busy, we are all with you and post as often as you need.

West

I agree, I believe Celine was there with you enjoying your every thought. Those who have gone before may not be here physically, but always in your heart.

CAn you give a name and number? sounds interesting!

not just any medium. she was my spiritual teacher back in the early to mid 80s. she's quite famous now.

it was very interesting. one of the things she said was that my mother and john's mother were the ones to welcome him as he passed into the other world. she had a lot of messages from my husband for me. afterward i cried, but felt some closure.

my mom also came through and thanked me for taking care of her towards the end of her life. she had dementia and couldn't express her feelings back then.

what is her name?

so difficult to have to worry about all that is happening to you, my prays are with you and your husband.

You can go on line and print out a will and have him sign it.

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. I agree that the first year the adrenaline keeps you going. The second year is the realization that this is your life you are alone and it is exhausting. The daily tears are gone and the horrific sobbing of year one, yet for me those tears hit at the strangest times like when I need to figure out if I should buy a new washing machine or try to get buy on the one I have. I miss his knowledge, his warmth and being able to put my head on his shoulder. I guess in that second year you realize that is your lot in life.

It seems as if year one was actually easier in a lot of ways than year two...anyone have this experience?

I remember our two weeks in the hospital and my husband thanking me for being there 24 hours a day and making all those vital decisions. I kept telling him it was my honor to get him through this ordeal...however he never made it. My heart aches as I go onto my third year wishing he were here with me.

My daughter had the wrist bands made and sold them to make a donation for the cancer that took her dad away too early.

God bless your thoughtfulness.

God bless you for your warmth and love. Your ex husband was avery fortunate man to have you in his life. You need to start to take care of yourself now. I am sure that a counselor has seen it all and all the tears in the world would not be foreign to him. Take that step; you can decide it is not for you, but it may help. God bless.

I something think the progress is not real; that I will never be the person I was before, so maybe that is progress that I figured it out.

Sometimes we cannot control that wave of grief and we must ride it until it reaches the shore and subsides. congratulations for starting a new career; the stress of all the changes can come out in many ways. Take you time and no it will not last. I wish you the best.

Your post brought back so many memories of my husband and the two weeks at The Brigham and finally bring him home only to loose him so suddenly. You think you have at least a few months, but pancreatic cancer took him so quickly. I identified with your pain.

"It is not being alone...it is being lonely for Bill." Your quote says it all...I miss the days of support, the minutes of loves and the seconds of silence that were all so special. It is so hard going from all that we had to a life without our love. I wonder and marvel that those memories can give me such a feeling of warmth, but then the realization of the loss hinders what I do remember.

West

It seems when we are at our lowest there is too much to deal with and it becomes overwhelming.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery.

West

Thinking about you and knowing that tomorrow will be better...hang in there.

West

Thanks for all your help. I can identify with a lot of what you were saying. I think the big thing with the second year is that the reality of life sets in and you need to deal with being alone and deciding what to do with the rest of your life. I believe it will happen; but it will not be easy and not soon.

I am finding the second year is different yet in a sense harder. In the first year the tears, the turmoil, the struggle is so raw; yet in the second year this has lessen. However, the reality of everything hits you. This is your life and you struggle to keep up a smile for others, because now thye think you should be passed all the sorrow. How have you dealt with life in the second year? does it get better?

West

Although it was my husband who died, I understand exactly what you are saying.People really do not get the pain you are suffering.they are too wrapped up in their own lives to give you the support you needed. I suggested to my daughter to find a group where she could talk about her dad's death. she went to a hospice group since he had died of cancer. it was hard since most of the people there were much older than she was, but she did find some solace in their warmth and understanding.

Best wishes,

West

Take care of yourself and accept the kindness of those who care about you. This wave of grief will pass and so too will you get the energy to deal with the rest of your life. it is not easy to feel alone and sad and to be sick on top of it, but your husband would want you to fight and to stay active. I know you will be able to do it...not an easy journey, not a path we have chosen, but one we will hike on and when we reach the top we will be proud of ourselves for not giving up. God bless and feel better.

Why would you go? do not put yourself through something that can only make you feel worse. Tke care of yourself today.

My children too lost their dad to cancer in a month. He was so young and such a rock for us. I understand your pain and know that your dad and your dog are looking down on you and wishing you only happiness. Enjoy your little one since he will put a smile on your face again. May God help you to get through this painful process.

There is no real answer; our journeys are unique to each one of us. Dealing with the pain is the hardest part of grieving. I believe your loss of both your husband and mother is a lot for anyone to handle. Have you considered a bereavement group where you would be able to share with others who have or are going through the same things as you. It doesn't change your situation but it helps to know that there are people who care for you.god bless and take each day as it comes because they will certainly be different.

I am so sorry for your loss. My son also started drinking when his dad died; he could not handle the pain. We all deal with our losses in different ways. May we find strength to carry on.

You are doing it and you will make it. The grief does not leave but it does become more manageable. Truly people do not want to listen to you now, they think into your second year you are fine. I think the shock has worn off and the reality has set in and made it worse. I wish I had an answer but I feel your pain. I wish you peace.