rainie

all your words here are so comforting and affirming..

you know i feel like maybe i am able to be 'living' kinda again..yet still i feel at times i'm right on the prepice of the verg of losing my mind....

i have five grandkids that are my husb's kids kids........and for the first time ..i've been able to reciever and believe their love for me..i've always been "their" grandma...they factor in nothing of being a step this or not blood that..

my son ronnies two kids have treated me like crap from the moment ronnie died....and 'til now i've taken their second hand crap..but NO MORE..

when i spent time with the five grandkids.....and recieved their genuine love and care ..even the teenage grandson honored me with his time and attention..

i said to my self "NO MORE" ....

and i've gotten my self worth back as i realized both my sons rocky and ronnie loved me and these grandkids loved me so the problem isn't my love to the two grandkids.....rons kids...it's them ...

hope this makes sence to you here..

hugs to you all rainie..

if i had not had on line peole to talke with it'da just lost my mind totally....

and NOW with th e love of these grandkids and their parents......i have somewhere to put all the love and care i have...

rainie

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID HERE...

AND IF I COULDN'T SOMEHOW SHARE WITH OTHERS THEN THE LOSS OF MY TWO SONS WHOULD BE JUST FOR NOTHING..

just wondering....

rainie

just wondering if anyone here has experienced a suicide loss??

rainie

hi,,

just read and listened to your message...

i, too, lost the two sons who loved me in word and deed..

first one to motorcycle accident..

and most recent one to suicide...

my whole life is identified in my loss....

yet i try to carry on as best a childless mother can...

i'm glad you got to go to the compasionate freinds conference...

i yearn for ones to interact with who understand that one never "gets over" has cloure or "moves on" one must just figure out how to live the resp of this life with out their dear loved ones..

rainie

hi,,

i've lost the two sons who loved me in word and deed..i know too well this thing called greif/beareavment...

the last two weeks i've been obsessed..(i'm adhd/dyslexic also)

anyway..

i know this behavior is part of my greif....i haven't even told my husb yet of this purchace

i found a place to get the money and while he's outa town i'm purchasing the charms....

anyway..

somex's i can't help myself....i NEED to do these things to survive living here on planet earth without my two sons...

can anyone relate to this??

am i just stil crazy with the greif if living the rest of my life without my sons???

i feel like a childless mother..

i am thankful for what i do have...yet NOTHING no NOTHING will EVER fill the gaping whole in my heart..

i am alone in my greif..not even my dear husb walks this road with me for they were his "step" sons and altho he cared about them...he still has his sons alive on planet earth..

thank'x for listening ,, rainie

THANK'X FOR YOUR GENUINE CAREING WORDS..

SO GLAD I FOUND THIS SITE...

RAINIE

hi,,

i lost two sons...i'm into the sixth yr since the second one died of suicide..

is it wrong to miss them still..

is it wrong to hang on to the memories of love??

i realized this is me...and i do not want to let

go of them..they are what give me the courage to carry on..'til i go to be with them when i die..

raini

DEAR ONE...

I FELT THE SAME WAY WHEN I LOST,,,FIRST MY 21 YR OLD SON TO A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT AND WENT THRU ALL THE FIRSTS BEING EXPECTED TO GO TO ALL MY HUSB'S FAMILY GATHERINGS AND "APPEAR NORMAL" AND NO ONE EVER MENTIONED MY SONS NAME...

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GOING THRU...

THEN I LOST MY OTHER SON TO SUICIDE...AND THE SAME THING HAPPENED IN THIS FAMILY...

OF WHOM HAVE EACH OTHER..AND ARE REALLY IN GROWN FOR THEY DON'T NEED OTHERS..

ANYWAY..

IT WASN'T 'TIL AFTER THE LOSS OF MY SECOND SON THAT I HAD THE COURAGE TO SAY "NO"...NO I AM NOT GOING TO THIS OR THAT..."NO" I WILL NOT PUT MYSELF IN THEIR PRESENCE ..

ANYWAY....

I REALLY CARE....

AND I KNOW TOO WELL WHAT YOU'RE GOING THRU AND WIL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TRYING TO ADJUST TO AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOUR DEAR CHILD...

RAINIE64