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To be sure, I am a newbee to this group (my wife died 3 weeks ago), but I found myself turning the TV down last night because it might bother her, then realized that she is not there. This sucks...

Right now I am afraid to have a close relationship with another woman. The pain of the loss is so bad, I do not want to go through it again. Is this a unique reaction, or part of this unbearable grief? Does it ever go away?

There will be no Christmas at my house this year. No Joy. No presents. Just tears. I lost my wife of 20 years to pancreatic cancer 1 week ago, and every day seems worse than the one before. Looking at all the "stuff" she collected and trying to determine what goes and what stays in my memory trunk that now contains memories of my parents. 68 is so young. Everything we bought together has to be classified in the database of my mind as "goes" or "stays". Do the Christmas decorations "go" or "stay"? Valentines Day - the day we got married 20 years ago - has gone from a happy day toa sad day overnight.

When do the tears stop? Will the trunk be big enough for all our memories? Will I ever enjoy Christmas again??