BPO Queen

Oh Gabi, I feel like we are living parallel lives. I have (had) 2 sons too. My youngest was also killed in December. 2 days before Christmas. He and his brother had delivery routes they drove at night. On that Friday morning I got a call from daughter in law that my son had not returned home and she needed grandpa to pick her and daughter up and take her to work, and our granddaughter to school. I knew something was terribly wrong, I started trembling so bad I could hardy push the button on my phone. I called my other son, who said he would do some checking. But he knew, because he passed the accident scene that night not realizing it was his brother.

My son was killed by a drunk driver, also a paroled felon, driving a car he had stolen, when he blew through a stop sign at 80 miles an hour. I had to break the news to my 9 year old granddaught that her Daddy was dead. The presents he bought for her in my closet, wrapped just 24 hours before, waiting for our family Christmas celebration.

If I live to be a hundred I will never forget the look in her eyes as what I told her sunk in and she crumbled into my arms

The hardest thing I do every morning is get out of bed. My granddaughter has gained at least 20lbs. I ache for her so much I can hardly stand it. My older son misses his "bro" so much. Everynight he goes to work and he has to drive down the street and see the place his brother died. My closest friend lost her son just 3 years ago and she said soething to me that I have really hung on too. "Greif is a journey, it is a long hard road, but you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. There is no other way, you just have to keeping going. Life will never be the same but it will get better." I just wish like you, there was some way to get thru this faster! It hurts so bad. And as the Mom we are the one every one turns to dump their grief! As for work I have adopted a Scarlett O'Hara attitude at work. When I find my self hurting, I tell myself don't go there! You can think about this later.

And I take a deep breath and focus. Together we can get through this. I will pray for you everytime I start to think of my son, I will also think of yours and say a prayer.

I lost my youngest (of two sons) in December. He was 27 and was shot to death in the parking lot after withdrawing $40 from an ATM machine. This occurred two weeks after my oldest son turned 30. They were two years apart and started a company together, hung out together and were best friends. A sixteen year old boy shot my son--it was his 3rd felony. It makes me sick to see this boy's face recurring in my thoughts from the news article. A child. I keep hearing an elongated silence, then, "Jamie's dead, Mom," in my eldest son's voice. Time is not helping. I am feeling a deep, heavy sadness that just won't let up. Before the past two weeks I had a "good" day sometimes. Now there's none. I'm physically sick, in danger of losing the job I started two weeks before my son's death and just wonder why the heck I am still here, what my life is supposed to be about. Sunday my son and I are scheduled to go through Jamie's belongings and take them with us from the house where he lived with a roommate. I move from feeling lost, depressed and angry to sad. When I had my children, they opened me up to a love and joy that was greater than anything I knew was possible and now I have the opposite-a deep and fathomless sadness.

Brody, If I was your friend I would be thrilled!

Maybe I will have something similar made up for my son reminding people not to drink and drive. Unlike others here my son was 40 years old, after and a husband. He was killed by a drunk drive blowing thru a stop sign at 80 miles an hour, will driving his delivery route. HNe was a husband and a father, just doing his job. I have been searchiing for some way to make this tragedy remind others that drinking and driving is not worth it.

BPO Queen