creditech

Not everyone who grieves breaks up with their SO. I wouldn't borrow trouble before it comes. She has a lot on her plate right now, including it may be difficult for her to sleep. It could be hard for her to make chit chat when she feels her life just changed as she knew it...plus she has to be there for her mom. I wouldn't necessarily draw a conclusion because someone took seven hours to get back to me. If she breaks up with you, that's when you start to deal with it. Right now try not to put pressure on her, be supportive of her and understanding, no relationship talk, nothing that could make her feel pressure, she can't handle it right now. I don't know her, but I do know grief. It's definitely a little soon to throw in the towel, how can that be considered supportive? Perhaps you haven't reached the "love" stage yet? Do what you feel you need to do, but consider the effect it'll have upon her just when she's most down. Is that honorable? You have some questions to ask yourself and some contemplating to do.

Thank you for your honest and quick reply! I like your words, "Not everyone who grieves breaks up with their SO" "If she breaks up with you, that's when you start to deal with it" and "It's definitely a little soon to throw in the towel...."

Taken to heart.

p.s. admittedly, my anxieties surface when I focus on myself. It reminds me to love her for her benefit not mine. So your additional words of "try not to put pressure on her, be supportive of her and understanding, no relationship talk, nothing that could make her feel pressure, she can't handle it right now" were also gratefully received.

Hey guys! So here's as a neutral a history I can give.

10/19/14 meet this girl overseas in Moscow.

10/20-10/26 we spend the night with each other 6 times. Agree that I will fly from NYC to Moscow to visit her. She was excited, engaged and participatory in every way.

10/27/14-11/21/14 we stay in touch with each other daily. 4-5 hour Skype sessions were normal.

11/21/14 Her step dad commits suicide. She had a close relationship with him as did her mom. She shares with me everything about her feelings, her loss, her family support. Nothing is held back.

11/22/14 to now--we stay in touch daily. Only 1 Skype session though. Only 1 phone call. She opens up on all levels over WhatsApp about her feelings of grief, mourning, anger etc. Holds nothing back. She even stated how thankful she was for me being present.

Yet

12/2/14--I text her in the morning with a pic we took with each other before the loss. It took her over 7 hours to reply which appears like an early warning flag. Or it could also be my own abandonment fears kicking in.

8:39 am HER "Hola. Funny, I see! I know this pic! Quite busy now, ttyl"

9:17 am ME "Sounds good!"

3:13 pm HER "Hey! Sorry I've been working and after that spent time with my mom. Wish you a good day! I'm so sleepy already"

3:27 pm ME "Hey! It's okay. Have a good night's rest tiger"

3:49 pm HER "Thanks! I like it when you say it :)"

3:50 pm ME "Purrrfect"

3:51 pm HER

3:51 pm ME "At least I'm not calling you a little kitten huh? "unleash your tiger withib" as told by ........"

3:53 pm HER "Thanks god!"

3:53 pm ME "haha"

This is the first time ever it's taken her 7 hours to communicate back to me. As of yesterday, she is still sticking with her plans to visit NYC on Jan. 6th.

Part of me is optimistic, yet after reading through this forum, I realize the 7 hour gap created some sense of Anticipatory Grief in me (of her pulling away).

So given this forum expertise, how do I live through this period of ambiguous loss? The sudden change in frequency of communication is shocking to me and suggestive of further distancing from her side down the road. It's I know that bringing up a discussion about where we are going isn't recommended right now, but part of me just wants to move on.