Jgillen

Yes, 'me time' can be the hardest time to have without our soulmates.  I will pray that you find light and something uplifting very soon.  I'm thinking of you.

Robin, 

  I hope you can find your way out of the darkness.  I am at about 6 months, and it is very hard right now.  It is very real.  It is hard to be positive without Mike.  I hope soon that you have good moments and good days.  Just last week, I had a couple of really good days, and then had a very depressing day just before our son's 5th birthday.  I couldn't stop crying that day, but then thankfully had a good weekend celebrating the birthday.  I often see butterflies when I am having a rough day.  And one day recently I saw a tattered butterfly with badly damaged wings.  She was still flying beautifully.  I thought that was a strong message.  Keep going!!       

I am sorry you woke up this morning without George.  I have only had one anniversary without Mike, but it was hard.  I believe they can hear us.  I hope it brings you comfort that I hear your pain.  It's hard to lose such a special person that we adored and cherished.  I wish I understood why this happens.  I hope you do something nice for yourself, and that you get through today peacefully.  ((((hugs))))))

I am very sorry for your loss.  I have a close friend that lost an infant and I have witnessed her lash out at her mother.  Her mom is a wonderful woman.  I think sometimes we lash out at those we love the most.  I have caught myself being grumpy at times with my mother after losing my spouse even though she has been so supportive.  It isn't fair to you, and I commend you for not giving up.  My mother bought me a journal after losing my husband.  I enjoy journaling so it was just what I needed.  Just a note reminding her that you're there for her is a great idea.  I wish you luck in rebuilding that special bond.  And, I will be thinking of you and praying for healing for you and your daughter.

thank you so much!!  It is so helpful to know I'm not alone.  

thank you

We just 'celebrated' mike and I's September birthdays, and we all really tried to make it special.  My kids and I put a bench out in our yard to go and sit and talk with Mike.  We planted flowers and trees and have a notebook out there to write him notes.  It is very peaceful.  And, it helped to make our birthdays special, but was so emotional.  Our anniversary is also coming up this week.  This will be my first without him.  He always made it so special.  I can't decide if I should plan something or just let it slip by.  Ahhh September used to be a month I looked forward to, and now I just want it to be over.  I have read that starting new traditions are helpful.  Any ideas that help you all get through anniversaries?  

Yes...  Even knowing they can hear us, sometimes isn't enough.  We miss sharing those moments with them...  Seeing their smile, laughing together.   It is very hard.  Keep talking.  Until you meet again!!

2 hours ago, rdownes said:

I don't really know where I am going with this post just felt like sharing alittle, the other day I was out front listening to Kevin's music and my music I found for him and I was listening to Westlife I'll See You Again I was looking up to the sky and my son walked out he said to me mom what if you don't see him again what if there is just nothing, I told him Anthony we will never truly know until it is our time to leave and by then it will be to late to, I told him many people believe in many different things some people believe in heaven, some people believe in a spirit word, some people believe in angels, signs, and some people believe in nothing all of which are ok, I told him but if you chose to believe in something and it brings you comfort and there ends up being nothing who are you hurting no one I told him faith is believing in what you can't see, I am not trying to make this a religious thing everyone if free to have their own beliefs but I feel my faith slowly returning, my believing Kevin has not truly left me that he walks with me everyday has brought me so far in this journey it has brought me a sense of peace when I miss him I just talk to him and I know he is there I can't explain it I just know, once again one night I was out front listening to music this time I was crying I had my legs crossed and it was chilly I felt a sudden warm sensation on my leg I know it was him telling me I am with you always. These are the things I hold on to know his love keeps me going (along with an amazing community of people who understand and listen) It feels nice to be able to talk to my children now without losing it to share what I am learning with them anyways thank you for listening hugs to all.

I love your post.  It was beautiful.  Thank you for sharing!

Butch, I am so sorry you are having a hard day.  Those days suck.  Guilt is a tough one.  Some days I tell myself I did what was best with what I knew, and other days, I feel like i failed Mike.  Our sweethearts are the ones who get us through rough days, and they aren't there to lift us up.  I know words may not ease the pain, but I really hope that your spirits are lifted tomorrow.  Sending love and light.  ((hugs))

I am so glad to see that I am not alone with a lot of my feelings and experiences.  I used to just ignore the music in the grocery store and elsewhere..and now I just have to rush through as fast as I can so that I don't get caught by some stupid sad song that catches me off guard.  Kind of a funny story now that I think back on it...my family took me to this cute little restaurant that uses locally grown produce...It was two weeks after Mike passed and I needed to get out..and I was so excited to go.  The kids and I sat at this big wooden table in this cute little restaurant with my parents and we were all in good spirits... John Denver's 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' came on and then another sad song...I ran to the restroom and balled..and kept repeating. "I hate this restaurant!!!"  It's so amazing the things that will catch you off guard.. the other day I walked by celery and broke down.  Mike always wanted me to buy celery, and I bought it for him every week. Big hugs to all of you.  I'm so grateful for support and not feeling alone in this journey.     

23 hours ago, Brianna said:

Ya'll's support means so much to me & your kind words are overwhelming. In RL nobody understands. It's not a figurative alone, I am truly alone in this, everyone wants me to move on & forget about it & just be B already, but I can't. I have good days but they usually turn bad real fast with a song or something so simple. Then with the latest news I feel like it's going to be even harder to get understanding. I love him & I can't just stop doing that for anything. 

Thank you Gin, I go to a Grief group once a week & a counselor but I still feel stuck & I don't know if it's me or if I'm just being hurried in my process.

Mitch, I do get signs from him all the time reminding me of his love & then I get feelings but I just wish he was here to tell me when I have that forgetting feeling but I guess that's what the signs are for... ::sigh:: I'm a cookey who believes in butterflies & dragonflies & birds & other signs that our loved ones can send us. Call me crazy but its happened to me too many times when I needed it for me not to, not just after my SO passed but also after I had family pass. It helped me get thru that period of not wanting to be alive without him early in my grief. Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean a lot right now.

Kayc, Thank you so much & thank you for more places on here to look, being new here it's kinda like being new to a big city from a small town.

While I was at my husband's bedside before we turned the machines off, I told him to send me butterflies and birds.  The very next day, my yard was full of butterflies.  His mom and sister and I all just stood in the yard and watched them fly around.  We all smiled.  Since then, I have had a lot of cool experiences with birds and butterflies.  I am so thankful for these moments.   

Hi Janet,

I am so sorry for your loss.  15 months is a long time to be fighting.  I have watched loved ones fight cancer and it is a hard fight.  It is so unfair.  I am very sorry you had to watch your love go through this.   I am glad you have found your way here.  I have found a lot of encouragement and comfort through this group when I feel alone.  And, I hope you do too.  Big hugs to you.         

Butch, I am so sorry.  Family is what helps us get through, and of course not having our soulmates by our side when we lose loved ones compounds the grief.  I'm sure your wife is with you and that you are surrounded by angels.  I really hope you find peace.  I will be thinking of you.  sending love...

On August 27, 2016 at 6:32 PM, kayc said:

You have made some really hard decisions, but you've done it!  You should be proud of yourself, and I think the reasons you have for them are very valid ones.  It's important to have family support nearby.  I'm glad your kids are doing well with new school, moving, etc.  I hope you find a job that is perfect for you!  
Keep us posted as to how the grief support is going once it starts, I hope it's of great help to you.

thank you!!

On August 30, 2016 at 2:49 PM, Forever His x said:

Hey , Sorry i take my time to reply , as everyone does i find it hard to come on here , but like i also said would be so nice to stay in contact as you have young children too , 

Ive read your recent thread about how youve moved and left your house , me and my partner have always lived with my family but had separate living areas complete shut off from one another but it was only a walk down the hall to see each other . so right now our house is on the market , it is coming up to four months since that horrible day , ever since it happened we have all been debating and finally came to the decisions weighed out the pros and cons , i havent been back into our bit of the house i cant do it , at the moment i am living in the city and we have the opportunity to go and live in the countryside our little boy is only 16 months i feel and i know he would love this as he never liked the city area that i can bring up our boy in a different area and have a different life a better life . i dont personally want a better life nor will i get one because i havent got him , but i feel i cant move forward here everything is constantly in your face it will always be in my head and him in my heart , but its a kick in the teeth i havent got him , so if the house sells we will be moving , so as much as i feel this is the right decision for my little boy , i cant help but hate it too i feel guilty for leaving the house where he was where he walked around ect i feel guilty im going to move to the countryside and he isnt i feel guilty for raising our son and he isnt i feel guilty for me breathing and he isnt . but i cant do it here i dont want to do it anywhere but need to try for our son . and the family i live with will be going to we always believed that we shouldnt do what society wanted we are such a close family so live together and enjoy each others company ect , we only ever wanted everyone to be happy and safe was never greedy yet we couldnt even be given that . i know i need to try and move forward im never moving on . 

so i suppose what im asking is deep down how do you honestly feel about moving away from the house ? as im not being made to move for whatever reason financial or whatever its something im just choosing to do . i feel its right yet life is just so wrong now . 

Everyone's situation is different.  But, for me, seeing how well my kids are doing in their new home makes it easier on me.  I made the decision in the first month after his death, and of course, I still think of how crazy my life is with all of the changes we've been through.  But, I did it for my kids.  The last couple of visits at our house before the closing were very hard.  One of those visits, I couldn't stop crying.  I cried all day.  But, I needed to do that.  So, it won't be easy.  However, once you have made that decision, just trust that it is a good decision.  One thing that is helpful is you will meet new neighbors and feel a bit of relief from a fresh start.  I'm sure you know this...Wherever you live, you will miss him.  Whatever you decide, isn't a remedy for grief.  It is simply the best option for your family.  I wish you the very best of your difficult situation.  big hugs!       

I'm so sorry for your loss.  We all have our unique grief journey.  There is no wrong way to grieve.  I have noticed that some days I am in autopilot and don't really show any emotion.  I think our bodies do what they need to do to survive the day.  I hope that the tears that are coming now bring you relief.  big hugs to you.  

Thank you all so much for the support.  It really helps so much to have people confirm that I did what was best for my kids.  And, Patty, you are so right, the pain would not have been any less and I would not have the family support that I have now.  Thank you all!  This group really helps with these rough patches.  best wishes to all of you!!

20 minutes ago, Polly said:

I think you did what you thought was best for your family. Nothing wrong with that. I'm sure going back to the house really did trigger things. HUGS to you.

Thank you, Polly!

It has been four months since my wonderful husband passed.  I broke the rules.  I did what so many of the books on grief have told me not to do.  I made major decisions/changes in the first few months.  The kids and I moved 3 hours away to be closer to family.  I left our dream home.  I quit a job that I really liked.  The reason..Mike died right before summer and I needed to make a decision.  Mike was my only family where we lived and he was the 'bread winner'.  I decided that my kids and I need to be closer to my family.  And, if needed, my family can be there for my children when I have to work late or whatever.   My two kids started their first day at the new school this week and are doing great!  We are in a house and neighborhood that we like and I think we will do well.  But, today I drove the three hours back to close on our house where we raised our two children the past several years.  The closing went ok.  The family buying our house is very nice.  But, I've had a rough evening.  I drove back to my house from the closing and the reality once again set in.  It is still so unbelievable that this has happened.  I don't have my companion to start these new beginnings with and to discuss all of life's challenges.  I really miss that.  Just talking with him.  Now, I am getting two kids up and ready for school and also looking for a job.  And, it all just feels like so much. The kids and I start grief support on September 13th and I am anxious to get started!!  I need to talk with people who understand.   

I am so sorry for your loss.  And, the disappointment.  I understand this guilt and anger.  I also trusted a doctor who kept saying my husband would be fine, and that he wouldn't lose his leg.  I remember thinking, I'm only a biologist..they are doctors and they do this everyday, I must be overreacting.  He lost leg and then his life.  I know how it is to feel guilt and anger.  I am learning that I really did everything I could do given what I understood at the time.  It's so hard to let that guilt and anger go.  But, from what I've read, you really did everything out of love and trust.  You aren't a doctor.  You trusted his doctor.  Your husband didn't expect you to be a super hero.  You were by his side and you tried.  We can't go back, all we can do is work through the grief and the anger.  I am still working through it and I hope someday we can all be at peace with these circumstances that were out of our control.  Much love to you!! 

On August 15, 2016 at 4:05 PM, Forever His x said:

hello , 
i am also very sorry for your loss and experience too , i would love to be able to stay in contact and chat , as i dont know anyone who has suffered this loss and especially who have children . me and my fiance loved the out doors and so does our little one now , breathing in the fresh air seems to help both of us but is so upsetting too . 
i feel so guilty im seeing him grow and his not and just how are you meant to carry on with this life when it wasnt meant to be this way . you sound very strong for your children i hope i can be for my beautiful son . 

I would love to stay in contact!  I think its important to not feel alone.  You are strong.  This is just very hard.  And, for you to admit this is hard and reach out shows a tremendous amount of strength.  I have my moments too.  I feel very low some days, and then I find that some days go a little easier.  I went to a grief support group for families last night and the volunteer who took us on a tour was only a baby when her dad passed away.  Her mother brought her to grief support to be around other kids who had lost a parent and she was able to express her grief through art.  She is now helping others!  I hope you can find a place like this for you and your son.  Keep your head up! 

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.  I am approaching 4 months without my soulmate and I am raising our two children, 4 & 6 years old.  One book I have read recently discusses the same frustration about 'time healing'.  Your healing will not be determined by time, but by you doing what makes you and your son feel better little by little.  I spend a lot of time in nature with my kids.  That seems to help us.  I know how hard it is to look at your beautiful children and think about what he's missing.  But, keep those wonderful memories going when you find the strength.  I have also found a grief support group in our city that is for children and spouses.  I hope you can find a good fit for you.  don't give up!!

I am so sorry for your pain, Janka.  What a special moment you had with sunshine and birds.  Thank you for sharing!!  I hold onto all of those moments when the wind blows or a butterfly hangs around for awhile.  I hope you have more of these beautiful moments.  

I am new to this group and just read your post.  I am so sorry for your loss.  It sounds very similar to how I lost my husband..going to doctors, misdiagnosed.  And then explaining this to my children.  Its so hard.  It has only been one month for me, but I anticipate birthdays, holidays are going to be hard for me as well.  I am so proud to see you doing nice things for yourself and doing projects by yourself.  You are an inspiration to us.  we can do this!  Thank you.