maurinelee60

Thank you both for your kind responses.  Sorry I didn't get back sooner.  My aunt went downhill significantly and I was glued to her bedside from noon on the 29th until she died late on New Years Eve.  Her suffering is over and I am learning to deal with the grief of losing her. 

I actually looked up the topic this morning because I am drowning in a cloud of dark despair. Never knew there was such a thing or that there is a name for grief before someone dies. 

I've been caring for my aunt for the last three years since she had a stroke.  With my assistance, she has been able to live alone in her house - which was what she really wanted to do. Shortly after the stroke, I created an adoption certificate where I "officially" adopted her as my mother.  

Fast forward to November 12.  Her daughter was in town on a visit and called me in fear because my aunt was unresponsive.  I raced over there and beat the emergency crews.  We took her to the hospital in a catatonic state with 105 fever.  Turns out she had a UTI, sepsis, pneumonia and meningitis.  My sister has worked hospice and always warned me not to put a patient on life support if they didn't want it because the body fights to live then.  Three days in she took a turn for the worse and her son (who rarely visits her but had medical power of attorney) agreed to put her on a respirator against my wishes.  

After a couple of weeks in the hospital, they weaned her off the respirator but it was obvious both her mind and lungs were failing and we moved her into a hospice facility.  We are not on day 48 of this whole ordeal and it is usually just me visiting in any spare time I have, trying to keep her calm and happy and give her some peace.  Her daughter comes in every few weeks for the weekend, but overall I feel so alone and so sad to watch her struggle and suffer. 

My massage therapist finally told me I have to focus more on myself and staying healthy.  Any suggestions for ways to deal with this would be appreciated.