Solitude

Hello again.

I havent been here for a while. It has been such a horrible period for me. I had a heart surgery  in september ( for my congestive heart failure ) . I coded 3 Times in the table but I Guess I am too stubborned to die. Or I love my daughter too much to leave her in such a Young age ( She is 21 month old now ).

In 4 days IT will be one year since my sweet mom had her stroke and in 31 days IT will be one year since She died.

I miss her more than ever . I feel lonlier more than ever. I dont know how I will celebrate Christmas without her but I owe to my daughter to do my Best and put a Happy face for her. She has been through a lot and I dont want to rob her the joy of Santa Claus. 

Sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes.

Wishing all of You a peacefull and beautifull Christmas.

Ela

Thank You for sharing

Kay, wonderfull. Just wonderfull😍

Dear KayC

First, You are not alone. You are în my prayers and thought. Second, I am so, so, sorry for your diagnose. I will ask my priests to have a special service on friday for You. 

I am so sorry that I cant do more for You. I wish I could Be in person with You on friday to support You. 

My daughter is 14 month old. My husbant was having his love affair while I was 7 month pregnant. I didnt know up until 2 days ago. I was sooooo blind . 

My world was turned up side down once more în 4 months time.

I will go on for my daughter. 

Hugs for You too dear KayC.

May God bless You.

Ela

Hello KayC. 

I just read the ,,news ,, about your health.

God Be with You. I will pray for your health and speedy recovery.

In the 10th of may I will be thininking of You. 

God bless You.

Ela

Thank You Kayc , Marty and I Praise Him for your kind words and warmth . 

Yesterday night i dreamed my mom. She was sorrounded by a bright light, în our bathroom, She touched me and I her. I woke up smiling and looking for her. Only to realise that was just a dream. And i cried, and cried.....

Today my husbant came home, packed his bags and told me he want a divorce. He is having an affair for 1 and 1/2 year with the ,,love of his life,, . 

My world is falling apart. I am standing next to my daughter, looking at her, and wondering what She and I did so wrong to deserve all this. 

My mom is dead, my husbant is gone, we are all alone in this world.

I dont know how much can I stand. Only the thought that She only has me in this world is keeping me alive.

Thank You for even reading this.

God bless You all.

Ela

12 minutes ago, MartyT said:

You can talk to us about your mum, Ela. Tell us what a wonderful person she was! What was special about her? Do you have a picture of her you'd be willing to share with us? We are here, and we are listening ♥

She was very bright, had a wonderful sense of humour, full of life and especially good hearted, willing to help other. Everything was special about her , because She was my mom. 

I do not have a pictures of her în my phone or laptop because She didnt like to poze. I only have few pictures on paper( classic ones) and I have to scan them on my laptop. I will do it some times, when I will not cry everytime I see a picture of her.

I didnt got to say good-bye, but I said a lot of I Love You Mom. When She was awake and în coma. 

Thank You and God bless You.

Ela

Thank You both for your reply. You are truly wonderful.

I go to work, I take care of my house hold and my daughter. I can function but I am in a deep pain. I cant talk to anyone about it and about my mum, what a wonderful person She was. I cry when no one can see me ,so I cant Be judged  being weak or childish. 

 I have been reading some of the links Marty listed în other posts. It helped a lot. It helped also the links You both gave me.

A statement I found to Be especially true for me : grief has no time limit. Mourning is a life long process . 

I Hope I can talk to You again when I feel that pain is overwhellming .

Thank You again for not judgeing me,  and God bless You and your loved ones.

Ela

Hello  everyone, 

I am new here. 107 days ago I Lost my mum. She died of a stroke and heart failure in the ICU. She was on full life suport because She was în the coma. I never had the chance to say good bye to her. She was 69 yers old.  Since then I am in deep pain. My husbant, my friends, the priests I have been talking keep telling me to get over it, because I am a grown woman, not a baby to cry for mom. I am not phisical welI also.Iwent to a cardiologist because of my high BP( had it since mom died) 

I went to counselling also. Not helping either. She wasnt a grief counselor . I cant afford private sesions so I went to public health care .

I dont know how to manage my pain. 

I admire each and everyone here for your wisdom, resilience and warmth in face of death. 

I dont have none of the above qualities, because of I had them  I would be able to manage my emotions .

Please, a piece of advice. Thank You.

Ela