13 years ago, I accidentally killed my cat. She jumped in the dryer when I wasn't looking, and I shut it and turned it on. Even worse, I heard a strange rhythmic thumping, but didn't think much of it. I was young and distracted, and self absorbed. A few hours later, my mom called me (I was at my boyfriend's house) and told me what happened. All I could think of was her suffering. She was just curious to investigate the warmth of the dryer, and I wasn't paying attention. I should have checked the dryer when I heard the sound but I didn't. As I said, this happened a very long time ago, but I still think about it often. It's a source of extreme shame and guilt. Every time I go back to my mom's laundry room I think about it, and it puts me in a very dark place. I have not told many people and it feels like a poison inside of me. I wish so much that I could go back and pay attention. Not be so self absorbed and just check the dryer.
It still haunts me 13 years later
in Loss of a Pet
Posted
13 years ago, I accidentally killed my cat. She jumped in the dryer when I wasn't looking, and I shut it and turned it on. Even worse, I heard a strange rhythmic thumping, but didn't think much of it. I was young and distracted, and self absorbed. A few hours later, my mom called me (I was at my boyfriend's house) and told me what happened. All I could think of was her suffering. She was just curious to investigate the warmth of the dryer, and I wasn't paying attention. I should have checked the dryer when I heard the sound but I didn't. As I said, this happened a very long time ago, but I still think about it often. It's a source of extreme shame and guilt. Every time I go back to my mom's laundry room I think about it, and it puts me in a very dark place. I have not told many people and it feels like a poison inside of me. I wish so much that I could go back and pay attention. Not be so self absorbed and just check the dryer.