Dana g

On 11/7/2019 at 12:29 PM, Nanc S. said:

From what I have read here, neither of you should have any guilt. You ended your precious ones’ sufferings. I, on the other hand have a different story of real deserved guilt!! I lost my Pom, Bear, last Thursday when it was decided to put him to sleep. For the past five months Bear needed to be taken out every half hour during the day or he would have an accident, when awake. He did nap often however, and most nights he would only have to be taken out once. About six weeks ago he was put on Phenobarbital for seizures. He has had two short episodes since, but recovers well. The last seizure was on Wednesday night. I took him to the vet just to talk. When we entered the clinic Bear was so calm, not shaking like other times, and he sat quietly on my lap just looking around the exam room. When the vet came in she told me she was quite concerned about the reoccurrence of the seizures. I asked her what she would do if it were her dog, she told me she would do the right thing. I don’t know what happened! It was like my mind shut down. I am a nurse, and for the life of me I don’t know why I didn’t tell the vet I would take Bear home, as he was in no discomfort at the time, (as you can see bythe photo), and when the seizures occurred more frequently or got worse then I would bring him back. He has had a good appetite,  goes outside to potty, even though it has to so often during the day, and only has 2 short seizures since starting his med, both of which he recovered from quickly, and was content when he was with me! As it was, one minute he was alive in my lap and in the next few minutes he was lifeless, and it hit me what I had done!!!  I have cried almost non stop since my boy took his last breath! I keep seeing the whole scenario over and over, and feel I let my dog down! He trusted me, and I let him down. How could I look at this darling dog, who again was in no distress, and let them end his life? My heart is beyond shattered, and the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I feel I will never forgive myself! I have had other dogs, but never one so “attached” to me. Bear would literally cry if I got out of his sight! I am totally empty, but I’m trying though to be thankful for the 8 1/2 years since we rescued our boy from a life of abuse. 

I'm so very sorry for your loss! I cannot imagine the pain you are in. I agree with the last two replies....in other words, go and speak with the vet. One would hope that such advice as euthanasia would not be given lightly. Perhaps a discussion would help you understand the rationale behind this suggestion and therefore ease your guilt. Perhaps if you have a friend or family member who could go with you that would be good...to have support and an extra set of ears (given how emotional the experience might end up being).

Sending you much love. Dana

Hi. I am so very sorry to read of the complete and utter nightmare that you've just been through. It sounds truly traumatizing. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to watch your sweet boy go through that. Maybe, if you have the means, you may want to seek out a counselor who can work with you through this pain and guilt you're feeling. It may really help.

I also recently had to put my sweet dog to sleep as she was having recurrent bouts of vestibular disease...and back issues...etc. it was very difficult and I have many moments when I feel so full of guilt and like I gave up too soon...all of the "what ifs". In order to help myself through the grief process I ordered a book called "the grief recovery handbook for pet loss" which I found on amazon. I will work through it and hopefully it will help. If not, I will seek counseling. 

I think one thing to remember here is that the health of your sweet Georgie was dependent not only on YOU but also on a team.of professionals...some of whom sound as if they didnt really know what they were doing. Believe me, from reading your story I can tel you you did absolutely NOTHING wrong. Nothing. In fact, you did the most loving and humane thing for your sweet friend....you chose to end Georgies suffering, even knowing full well that you would suffer horribly instead...that is the most SELFLESS act of true friendship and love....please try to forgive yourself for anything you are feeling guilty about. Its needless and only makes your grief worse. I read somewhere that guilt is simply our minds attempt to create a different ending to this sad story.

Please take good care of yourself. Seek out support from anyone who you can rely on to give it...professionals included. Be kind to yourself. You sound like a wonderful, caring, most loving person and mother.

You are not alone. Hugs