Pyper

Thankyou KayC for your kind words and for the advice that came with them.  
I will have a read and have saved the link you attached.  
Thanks again

Pyper

12 months ago to this day I found out my closest friend and neighbour was very ill, after suffering 2 cardio attacks brought on by asthma.  It was never something we expected as her asthma was never very apparent.

I was lucky enough to make it to the hospital intime to say my goodbyes before they turned her machines off.   
I've never felt like this before, I've lost people but I coped with those losses very differently.  There hasn't been one day that I havent thought of her and today I just feel like i'm crumbling.  I don't really have anyone around, yes, I'm married and my husband does his best to grasp what i am feeling but he doesn't and can't.  He was also very close to this friend but his reaction is very different to mine.  

I have her family but I refuse to put my pain on them and then there are friends I have back in Australia, theres no one really near to me to just talk with and not feel like an idiot, I didn't expect to feel so strongly 12 months on.  Her Husband has even moved on with someone else.  I find it hard to even think that our friendship would be replacable, I guess I am finding it difficult to let her go or working out how to let her go.  I just feel broken inside.