My mama just died in a stinking nursing home. I went almost everyday to spend time with her, but not on her last day. They had her so doped up she barely knew who I was. I told them to take her off all that psych dope and I think they reduced it. So many pills her stomach started to bleed and her heart quit. 80 years old. I have been crying and screaming for 13 days solid. I have only eaten a can of soup in 13 days. I have prayed and it really helps, but sometimes I think about taking my own life to end the pain of the loss. I don't know which way will go. I feel like I killed her taking her to that nursing home. That guilt has me chewed up inside. That guilt makes me feel like I failed her and I should have taken her home. I think that guilt of not bringing her home will eventually make me take my own life.
My mom died suddenly and I don't want to live without her
in Loss of a Parent or Grandparent
Posted
My mama just died in a stinking nursing home. I went almost everyday to spend time with her, but not on her last day. They had her so doped up she barely knew who I was. I told them to take her off all that psych dope and I think they reduced it. So many pills her stomach started to bleed and her heart quit. 80 years old. I have been crying and screaming for 13 days solid. I have only eaten a can of soup in 13 days. I have prayed and it really helps, but sometimes I think about taking my own life to end the pain of the loss. I don't know which way will go. I feel like I killed her taking her to that nursing home. That guilt has me chewed up inside. That guilt makes me feel like I failed her and I should have taken her home. I think that guilt of not bringing her home will eventually make me take my own life.