JoyL

first fathers day without my father and first fathers for my husband being a dad. hard to celebrate this as i know my dad would have loved to see my 10 month old crawl, and stand for the first time. i miss him so much it takes my breath away.

hugs to everyone who had a rough day!!

thank you for your replies they help me a lot. knowing that i am going through the grieving in a 'normal' way helps. i am now working and still taking care of my 9 month old and my hubby and my mother. it's hard but being busy helps the days pass. i wake often at night, and usually at about 4am i am up for the day. i am running on fumes...my body aches and i look like i have aged 10yrs...but i don't really care. i know in a year from now this pain will be a little easier to handle (unless other things slam me down again), and i look forward to feeling less horrible - will i ever feel happy again?

this place really helps

thanks everyone.

joy

is that normal. i feel as though he is now really gone. i can't sleep at night and i keep reliving the last week of his life and wonder what i could have or should have done differently. i miss him so much i can't stand the thoughts. is this normal?

you expressed yourself so well. i can relate to what you are saying "pretending to everyone". lost my dad feb 23 08, and i have come to the point where i don't want to talk with anyone. the pretending got exhausting. the path to healing feels so very long and hard, but i hope you find some comfort coming to a place where others can relate to your grief!

brenda sending you loads of hugs! sounds like you have been the rock of the family and were there for your mum til the end. you let her go peacefully! i am soooo very sorry for your loss. we are all children until our parents pass.

thank you everyone! i am still waking up at night and dreaming of dad. i feel better knowing others can relate,

Hugs to all!

Joy

how long will it take until i have this horrible feeling in my stomach?

a little over 5 weeks since dad died and still find myself in total shock that he is gone. i think the first month is total

survivor mode. then the reality sets in (that is where i am now). i miss so much! i am now very angry and

everyone and find myself loosing my temper easily. i guess i am going through the stages

thanks to everyone for helping

it's what keeps me up at night...i wish i didn't have to see the last seconds mins hours days..but if i didn't i know i would have regreted it. he knew i was there doing whatever i could to make him comfortable and loved. it still makes me ill, physically (been only 3 weeks to the day) and i replay the night over and over again...till i cry (and cry and cry)..i have been told eventually the good memories will replace the horrible ones..and i can't wait.

i wish we all didn't have to go through this!

what a wonderful dream, although who knows if it really was just a dream..do you believe it was real? if you do, then there is no reason you can't see them again! i hope you do.. over and over again.

oh shell you really said it well. having had so much and then have it gone feels almost worse if you never had it at all! i am so sorry that you now have no parents. i can't imagine how horrible that is.

i also can't believe that i am able to go on living..how does that happen!? i go about my day, play with my baby, talk to my friends and family on the phone and .. carry on. it seems sometimes it's not real. i think he will call me any second. i still have his voice on my answering machine singing happy birthday. in december my dad was on vacation in nassau and he went down a water slide in an inner tube..he was soooo not ready for life to be over..he loved life...

who here believes in life after death?

wow you all really get how i feel! thank you.

my father was 71 and was not expected to die when he did. he was generally in fair health - he was recently diagnosed with AML and they were going to start chemo in a week to put him into remission. he looked otherwise very healthy (wasn't even gray haired yet). he developed phenmonia and was given oral antibiotics. within a day he developed a fevor and we felt it wise to have him checked into the hospital. the day after he was there they were going to send him home because he was 'fine'. dad felt that one more day would be helpful. what a mistake that was. he developed sepsus (bacteria in his blood) possibly from phenmonia or from the IV or catheter. within 5 days he was gone. he didn't have the chance to fight AML. his prognosis for aml was 6 months to 3 years. that was hard enough to imagine but now i would take 6 more mins. the end was brutal. my sister and i were at the hospital 24hrs/day to make sure he was always comfortable, eating, drinking etc...our family is/was incredibly close. i would talk with my dad at least 2ce a day (if not more) and see my family at least 2ce/week. some may say i am so lucky to have had such a warm, caring, gentle, supportive, empathic ,altruistic, funny, loving etccc father..and i agree i am lucky, but i feel as though he was taken too soon from my life and i miss him with every ounce of air and blood in my body. my 7 month daughter will only have photos to remind her of the great papa she had. i still can't believe it!

my father died suddenly 2 weeks ago and the pain i feel is so overwhelming that i don't know if i will get over it..any help??